You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCV

    ** TIFFANY & CO ** Necklace & charm set! heart tag style!! – $1

    This is a brand new never worn authentic Tiffany & Co sterling silver bracelet and necklace set. The retail value for this set is OVER $500. I’m lettin this set go for $300obo. Included are necklace, bracelet, 2 pouches, bag, box, and cleaning cloth! It’s Christmas so don’t miss out on this exclusive gift for her!

    This item is available for pick-up only!!

    There’s nothing really wrong with this ad itself, other than that there’s a little too much excitement! in! the! description!! But no, the hilarity comes elsewhere. Let’s look at the pictures, shall we?

    195b

    That’s okay … it’s a good display of the jewelry; it’s tough to take a close picture in focus if you don’t have a good macro lens, so we can forgive that. Moving on …

    195c

    Nicely displayed so you can see everything … but … what’s the display on? That’s not … could it be? No, it couldn’t, could it?

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCIV

    “ELVIS” COW ROAD SIGN – $119

    Straight from the back roads of Vermont. 30″ sq.
    Great novelty item for garage or basement!

    Pick up only.

    If interested please email.

    194

    Is this like one of those 3-D things where you have to stand the right distance away and cross your eyes before you see the hidden image of Elvis? And is it the thin, pre-war Elvis or the old, bloated Elvis? That makes a big difference.

    Man, I can never get those things right. All I see is a cow.

    Edited to add: Oh wait, I get it now!

    cowelvis

    Thanks, Candace — that made it perfectly clear!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCIII

    Brand NEW Playtex Tampons for sale – $6

    I have a BRAND NEW, UNOPENED box of Playtex Tampons for $6. It is a box of 36 Playtex Tampons Super Plus protection. I brought and now, I am pregnant. I don’t need them anymore. E-mail if interested!!! I am willing to travel all over [location]!!

    Do you think she realizes that she’s going to need those again in about nine months?

  • YSaC, Vol CXCII

    Somebody offer something for this car (far out)

    Rat Rod

    The place where this listing comes from is apparently referred to as the “Athens of the West”. This person seems to have decided to honor the statuary of the original Athens by …. encasing a car in concrete? I have absolutely no idea what I’m looking at here. I want to believe it’s a car under a cover, but it looks a little too rigid for that. (Besides, if it is a car under a cover, wouldn’t you take the cover OFF to photograph the car to sell it?)

    So maybe it’s a concrete sculpture of a car. If so, how is someone going to move it? And why on earth would someone WANT it?

    Wait, I know. Maybe it’s a modern art installation, and is a post-ironic expression of stereotypes of neighborhoods where there are more cars in the driveways that are on blocks than are on wheels. Perhaps the permanence of the sculpture of what is clearly a sports car is a reflection of the futility of the class struggle and is attempting to represent the weight of the tropes that keep us from true social mobility. The spare tire represents man’s inhumanity to man.

    Googling for “rat rod” reveals that the term generally refers to cars that “appears unfinished or is built simply to be driven.” (Thanks, Uncle Wikipedia!) I like my interpretation better.

    Sent in by Cheryl — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCI

    hot chic from ohio in my computer class – m4w – 33

    hi we r in same computer class at [abbreviated college name] ..u said u were form ohio , mason i beleve near kings island..i think u r the most sexiest woman i have ever seen .. the way ur shirt help tight against ur body showin ur nice firm tits.. and ur sexy body i would love ot lick up and down… if u think u knwo who u r what was the teacher jking about if u ever hung out withteh guy that did what at kings island?.. hit me up maybe we can hook up discreetly and talk or whatever

    Any way this turns out, this is destined for disaster.

    First of all, let’s assume that the girl sees this. Who would go out (or “hook up and talk or whatever”) with a guy who wrote this? And by “write”, I mean, “randomly poked at letters on the keyboard in a vain attempt to communicate.” And if she does see it — how uncomfortable is she going to feel in that class now? It would be enough to make me drop the class and file a harassment charge and restraining order, honestly.

    Let’s be charitable, though, and pretend that the girl in question is somehow charmed by his description and decides to let him lick her up and down. They marry. They breed. See? Disaster.

    Now let’s assume that she doesn’t see it, and remains blissfully oblivious to his romantic keyboard single-finger stabbings. It’s still a symphony of fail, with a suck encore.

    Sent in by Cheryl — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXC

    Wanted Editor For My Book

    I am in process of writing and publishing my frist book. I need an experience editor who willing to do it for free. Since I don’t have much money. It about helping people to understand about pit bulls and others breeds how they can make great pet etc and common myths about them. Thanks.

    It’s certainly hard to argue that they desperately need an editor. Let’s start with an editor for their Craigslist post and then work our way up …

    Wanted: Editor For My Book

    I am in the process of writing and publishing my frist first book. I need an experienced editor who is willing to do it for free. S since I don’t have much money. It‘s about helping people to understand about pit bulls and others breeds; I want to show how that they can make great pets etc and discuss common myths about them. Thanks.

    Actually, I would rearrange the paragraph so that the third sentence is second, since the word “It’s” is referring to book, and not editor.

    On second thought, no thanks. Something tells me that book would be a lot of work.

    Submitted by Sara from over at It’s Lovely! I’ll Take It!, which I must admit was one of the blogs that gave me the idea for this one. Thanks, Sara!