You Suck at Craigslist

Category: furniture

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXVIII

    TO GIRL WHO BOUGHT DESK TOOK DRAWERS BUT NOT DESK – $90

    TINA, COME GET THE BODY OF THE DESK. IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME, HERE IS MY NUMBER, CALL ME FOR DIRECTIONS. CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? COME GET ‘ER. I NEED THIS DESK GONE ASAP, LET ME KNOW OR THE DUST BIN CALLS.

    Tina, you heartless drawer-taker, you. Why haven’t you called? (I mean, other than the fact that the guy forgot to provide his phone number even though he said “HERE IS MY NUMBER”.)

    I don’t think Tina is coming back. Move on with your life, which is as empty and hollow as your desk.

    Submitted by KM — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXVII

    Anthic white ceiling fan – $30

    This ceiling fan has 4 lamps and it it is very good condition.

    Nothing says “good condition antique white ceiling fan” like a picture of someone holding up the fan to the ceiling in their garage.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXVI

    “Stuffed” Raccoon Mantle Piece ? Taxidermy – $175

    Having trouble finding the gift for the person that has everything ? Meet Sparky ! He is a large stuffed Raccoon taxidermy, that has been a part of my family for a few years. He’s large, fluufy and oh so cute !! He loves to just lay around on the mantle or hang out on top of a gun cabinet. Great for that country decor and the man that has everything !!! xxxxxxx@yahoo.com xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Yep, there’s no better gift for the person who has everything than a “fluufy” raccoon named Sparky who, according to the poorly placed quotation marks, may or may not be stuffed.

    Actually, doesn’t Sparky look like he’s reaching down for the guns in the gun rack? He may just be pretending to be stuffed, and patiently moving a fraction of an inch a day until he can get his hands on the guns and ammo. Then Sparky will get his revenge.

    I mean, wouldn’t you, if you were a “stuffed” raccoon named Sparky that someone had a tendency to anthropomorphize?

    (Thanks to the submitter!)

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXV

    They just keep coming.

    Bedroom set – French Prudential – $400

    Antique off white with light blue trim includes headboard, huge mens chest, long bureau with two mirrors and nightstand. This set is very heavy and oversized. There is also another long bureau which does not belong to the set which is available for $50 which looks similar. xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Seriously. I’m going to start my own furniture style and call it the Norwegian Allstate style. (That came just after the Belgian Geico style, and just before the Spanish Metropolitan Life style.)

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXIV

    the table

    here is picture of table

    It’s the zen-like brevity that makes this. I hear the resonance of the universe in this post and in this table. I want to be one with the table. I want to drape myself across the table and join the table in its table-bliss.

    After all, it is THE table. It is the UR-table. It is the Platonic ideal of tableness. And all of this comes across in a mere seven words.

    I don’t even think the table is actually for sale. I think the table just wanted to share itself with the world.

    Submitted by CP — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXXII

    Large Brita – $7

    13 ¾ in. length, 7 ¾ in width, 8 ½ in height

    There isn’t really anything wrong with the listing, other than the fact that it was listed under furniture. I’m trying to imagine how one could use this as furniture. Any ideas?