You Suck at Craigslist

Category: general

  • YSaC, Vol. 229: Pssst … hey! Wanna borrow a kid?

    This was posted in the m4w personals section:

    Want a baby? Me too! – 28

    I know this may sound odd, but I’m being real. I want a kid. It tax time and I want to pay less and not play the let me borrow your kid game. If you are of age and think you can handle having a kid with me, then hit me up. Maybe we can have a relationship maybe not. We may not even get to that point but lets start with lunch and meet face to face. We can do a verbal and or written agreement about me taking care of our child. I know this seems like a crazy idea, but atleast this is a real honest ad on craigslist. let me know what you think.

    I can’t think of a better reason to have a child than to get a tax break. I mean, they don’t cost anything the rest of the year, so why not? It’s a win-win proposition.

    Actually, if he really wants a kid, maybe this will suffice:

    Child for sale – $100

    Child Mannequin – about 4 ft. tall. Good shape except missing two fingers.

    Maybe he could claim that his “child” is disabled and get an even bigger tax break. And maybe, if he buys enough illegal organs off of Craigslist, eventually he can make a real child!

    Thanks to ekkelly and Maria for the submissions!

  • YSaC, Vol. 223: What could possibly go wrong?

    selling 1 kidney – $100

    selling a kidney, if anyone is is interested…let me know 100,000 dollars OBO

    Kidney donation is a wonderful, noble thing. Selling your kidney on Craigslist? Stupid AND illegal. But he’s not the only one.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCIX

    Having a hard time in the grocery store – 36

    I have alot of grocery shopping to do and the last time I went there I felt uncomfortable pushing the cart around because women are supposed to push the grocery cart. So being a bachelor I’m trying to stack everything in my arms and it isn’t working very well and I’m dropping things and grunting through the store hauling way too many groceries by hand. It was awful and I had to come back two days later and dop it all over again. (I’m a big fellow who eats alot of food.)

    I’m looking for an attractive lady to push my cart in the grocery store while I shop. You must be attractive because people will think you are my wife or girlfriend if you are pushing my grocery cart. And while I do enjoy being a bachelor and dating freely, if you are really good at pushing my cart I’d be glad to keep you around for a while and possibly even sleep with you or take you out for burgers. So please no one older than 25 and no larger women.

    As compensation for your time I might buy you a few loaves of bread or something from your grocery list.

    Please reply with a pic so I can see if you are good looking enough to play the part of wifey while I shop. Also I’m white so unless maybe you are some kind of Asian it wouldn’t look right for you to be pushing my cart around for me. People would talk if I was with a darker girl. Also I usually date women with a bigger bust so unless you have a really pretty face and a really petite figure you should probably have a decent bust size. And no kids please, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking they were mine. Plus I just don’t date women with kids for obvious reasons.

    So many offensive assumptions and stereotypes, so few brains.

    I’m almost tempted to respond to this and offer to be his cart lackey just so I can “accidentally” clip his ankles with it as I dutifully follow closely behind. Besides, I might get a loaf of bread, a burger, and/or some crappy sex out of it.

    That’s it. I’ve threatened to do it before, but I have to now. I’m adding an “asshat” tag.

    Sent in by Catherine — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCVIII

    Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie – $65

    Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark Hello there. It is 16x. I think it is also lightscribe. The Lacie brand is one of the best products specializing in macs but also work with pcs. Call Mark xxx xxx-xxxx. I am also looking for some cash today. Willing to do some computer work fixing, upgrading, troubleshooting etc. Thanks, Mark

    I am posting on Craigslist, in a city different than the one you are in now. I am posting my text, and I am going to post it again and again until the words of the post run together so that any semblance of meaning, with perhaps the exception of my phone number, is destroyed. What you will read, then, are the words of my post over and over and over. I regard this activity not so much as a demonstration of a Craigslist post, but more as a way to sell a LaCie Lightscribe 16x DVD+/-RW.

    Explanation (of my obscure reference — I can’t help you with his!) is here and here.

    Incidentally, I’m quite amused that one of the tags for the recording in the second link is “exactly what it says on the tin”.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCVII

    Variations on a(n unfortunately) recurring theme:

    Urinary leg bag

    Hey I know this is really strange but….I had surgery last week and had a catheter….they sent me home with a Leg Bag that I NEVER used…it has been opened but not used…I have the bag and leg straps if anyone needs or is interested.
    I know its wierd but I hate to throw away if someone really needs this.

    You know, I’m all for “reduce, reuse, recycle” … but some things just are not meant to be recycled, even if they haven’t been used. This just might be one of them. (Sent in by Leslie.)

    But wait, there’s more! (Of course there is.)

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCIV

    “ELVIS” COW ROAD SIGN – $119

    Straight from the back roads of Vermont. 30″ sq.
    Great novelty item for garage or basement!

    Pick up only.

    If interested please email.

    194

    Is this like one of those 3-D things where you have to stand the right distance away and cross your eyes before you see the hidden image of Elvis? And is it the thin, pre-war Elvis or the old, bloated Elvis? That makes a big difference.

    Man, I can never get those things right. All I see is a cow.

    Edited to add: Oh wait, I get it now!

    cowelvis

    Thanks, Candace — that made it perfectly clear!