You Suck at Craigslist

Category: creative services

  • YSaC, Vol. 409: In which drmk has writer’s block.

    Sigh. I can’t think of anything today. I can’t seem to put the words together in the right way. If only there was someone to help me!

    want to say something to someone in a letter

    hi-did you ever want to tell someone how you felt,or let someone know where your coming from??well for 22-dollars cash,you can tell me how you feel,or whats on your mind,,,and ill put it into words,and mail them a letter from you to get your point across,,anything from girlfriends-boyfriends divorce,to just letting a friend know how you feel,,trust me i have helped many by just putting words together and putting a point across,thank you,hope to hear from you,,jim

    Hoorah! I’m saved! Jim can help me put my words — and my commas — together! $22 is a small price to pay for having someone understand me so completely. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go divorce my girlfriends-boyfriends. Jim will take over from here.

    Thanks for the submission, Tina!

  • YSaC, Vol. 325: Don’t touch me, I’m busy crying.

    This was listed under Creative Services:

    will do what it takes

    will cry at beds pretend to be family u pick just no guys touching can bring others at your request u can pick them hit me up very open minded

    I think someone’s seen “While You Were Sleeping” a few too many times. Either that, or we’ve found the solution to the “I need someone to pretend to be my girlfriend” posts.

  • YSaC, Vol. 220: Victoria’s Secret is missing this niche market.

    Warning: this post mentions the existence of underwear and some rather specific fetishes involved therein. Possibly NSFW (if you work in a convent), or potentially offensive if you believe in magic protective underwear.

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. CLVI

    Relationship Advicer…………

    I’m not educated and I haven’t had a whole lot of experiences in relationships, but I do know about relationships and about love and I have had friends and family come to me for advice on relationships and sometimes other things and I was successful on the advice that I have given and I have been told that I’m wise beyond my years.So if you need some advice on relationships or if I can help you on something else, I will surely try, if I can.

    Just email me with you problems or what you may need advice on and I’ll do my best to advice you. Thanks

    Dear Relationship Advicer;

    I have a problem. I keep asking unqualified people for advice. Do you have any suggestions that might help me?

  • YSaC, Vol. CXLI

    Life changing experience (Your home)

    I have had a very unique life so far and my personal insight and advice will give you clarity. Find out why you arent exactly where you want to be in life….get in touch with why your not happy. learn ways to know yourself better and participate in excercises that will guide you down the path to complete happiness in your life. Get in touch with what you actually want, how to get it, and why it matters! My diversified past is non-judgemental, yet logical in its honesty. I use to be drug addict…ive been to prison…I was a strait a student,,,ive studued human behavior, sociology, and psychology….noone has the answers but you will eventually get what you settle for with my help. 2 weeks I will live with you in your home and analize evey bit of your existence. After the 2 weeks is over, you will be ready with a to-do list of your life and be ready to accomplish everyhting you wanted but never sought out. I charge nothing for this service…but you must supply all traveling and living expenses for the 2 weeks.

    Brenda sent in this posting, saying “I found this in the Creative Services section on my local Craigslist. I can’t think of anything I’d like better than to pay for an ex-drug addict felon to stay at my house and analyze my life.”

    I’ve got to agree. If I wanted someone to live with me in my home and “analize” every bit of my existence, and provide me with a to-do list of my life, I would have let my mother stay longer after her Thanksgiving visit. (Except the non-judgmental part wouldn’t have applied to her. That woman can judge you in her sleep.)

    And what kind of a sales pitch is, “You will eventually get what you settle for with my help”? What is that supposed to mean? “With my help, you will achieve the mediocrity you’ve been sort of wishing you could attain”?