You Suck at Craigslist

Category: pets

  • YSaC, Vol. 377: Dachshund is the new chihuahua …

    I am looking for a chihuahua douchound mix

    I have always wanted a chihuahua douchound mix or just a douchound or toy chihuahua i just really want a small dog with that doesnt have long hair. my mom finally said for my 18th birthday/ graduation gift she would get me one. So if you are giving a way or selling i would be interested please.

    As you all, know, we here at YSaC are all about helping people get what they want*, and this person wants a chihuahua/douchound mix. She’s wanted one for so long that she’s actually gone to the trouble of learning how to spell chihuahua correctly, so we can reward her a little bit, right?

    Although really, honey, you don’t want a douchound mix. They smell like vinegar and summer’s eve fragrance. Let’s see what else we can find out there.

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  • YSaC, Vol. 364: It’s a crock, all right.

    FROGS FROGS FROGS!!!!

    HELLO ! =)

    I HAVE 4 TREE FROGS (THEY ALL CROCK)

    3 OF THEM ARE DUMPY WHITE TREE FROGS AND THE OTHER ONE IS A RED LEGED TREE FROG

    I WAS HIDING THEM FROM MY PARENTS AND THEY COUGHT ME SO NOW THEY HAVE TO GO =(

    THERE GREAT EATERS , THEYRE REALLY HEALTHY,AND SUPER EASY TO TAKE CARE OF

    THEY LOVE KRICKES AND BEING IN THE WATER BOWL

    THEYER REALLY FRIENDLY LIKE TO BE CARRIED

    THEYRE REHOMING FEE IS $21 EACH

    THERE AS BIG AS YOUR PALM OF YOUR HAND

    Today’s lesson: statistics.

    Let’s say you have three forms of a word that sound the same but are spelled differently and mean different things. I don’t know, let’s say those words are there, they’re, and their.

    Now let’s say that you write something that uses those words five times. What are the chances, if you use one of the three different spellings randomly each time, that you will get the proper word in the proper place completely by accident at least once? (The answer is, of course, 1 out of 3 — each time you choose a word at random, there’s a 33.33% chance that it was the right one.)

    Let’s add in an additional complication, just for fun: let’s say that you aren’t content with just the existing (and correct) three forms of the homonym, and you decide to add in your own incorrect version of the word, theyer. Now what do you think the chances are of getting the right version of the word in the proper place at least once is? (The answer is, of course, 1 out of 4, or 25%.)

    Okay, okay. Let’s move on and do a different type of problem. Let’s say that you have four frogs, all of which apparently are capable of enlarging their vocal sacs to act as a resonant chamber for the air being pushed through their larynx. Let’s say that you’re keeping them in your house. What do you think the chances are that your parents will not be able to identify this sound and its location?

    Given those odds, and the spelling in the rest of this ad (crock? leged? cought? krickes?), for bonus points: What time will Train A arrive in Chicago?

    Thanks for the submission, Kim!

    Also: Be sure to check out the update I posted late last night, just below this post. It’s a dramatic adaptation of an earlier spambot posting done by a reader, and it’s fantastic.

  • YSaC, Vol. 361: The kid stays in the picture.

    American Bulldog Pit Mix

    Free to a good home. Our lives are too busy to care for him the way he needs to be cared for.

    361

    I don’t know. The kid doesn’t look like a bulldog/pit mix to me. He looks more like a terrier/spaniel mix. Anyway, it’s a shame that these folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that. (Warning: YouTube video, which is supposed to cue up to 2:51 but doesn’t seem to be doing so.)

    Thanks for the submission, Jen!

  • YSaC, Vol. 324: Someone to watch over me ….

    Need Pet sitter maybe 2 nites a week

    I’m a sales guy that travels about 2 nites a week for work. I am looking for someone or preferably a couple that loves dogs and would like my dog Forest’s company. He is ZERO trouble, sits on your lap like your best friend and only wants his tummy scratched as much as he can get it done lol

    If your going to reply with how much does it pay, don’t reply, i need someone to watch him that isn’t looking to make money off him

    a retired couple would be best as he loves being outside walking if possible or a fenced yard. Also he’d prefer no children.

    thanks,
    jeff
    xxx-xxx-xxxx
    323

    Translation: I need a pet sitter, but I’m not willing to pay for the service.

    What’s awful about this is that I can think of a lot of ways he could have spun this request that would have made it slightly less asshattish. For example, he could have said, “I know that elderly couples enjoy having animals around, so I would be willing to leave my dog with you a couple of nights a week while I am at work.” It still has the same meaning — i.e., I’m not willing to pay for a sitter — but it’s not as bad as “Don’t reply if you want pay because I’m not paying you.”

    [Thanks for the submission, Jen!]

  • YSaC, Vol. 316: If she WAS an alien, I’d adopt her, but …

    Rare long haired black chiwawa

    Jackie-o is her name she is going on 6 months old. she is very friendly loving and potty trained. Also knows how it sit. i have been working with her to fetch which she will when not distracted and also been teaching her cry when somthing is wrong. she is not spayed for i did not know if i wanted to do that to her. i was figureing i would give her the choice after her first period.

    (which she has not had yet)

    I am looking for a family home for her. she loves kids and is even great with babies. for she has been around my god daughter who was born three days after jackie. i am asking a rehoming fee for her to know that she will be loved for ever. I wish i could take her with me but i am moving almost three thousand miles away and my house is unfortanly not pet friendly. 🙁 if you have any questions feel free to email me. a recent photo is below how ever i took it with my cell so her eyes look bright,(she is not alien) And like i said before jackie-0 is a rare long haired loving black chi-wa-wa.

    316

    LeAna sends this one in, saying, “First of all, black longhaired chihuahuas are not rare. Second — she was going to let the dog decide whether to be spayed? Oh, and don’t you worry, she’s not an alien, it’s just my crappy cell camera …”
    And … really? Chiwawa? I mean, I realize that chihuahua is sort of difficult to spell, but I think I’m going to have to invoke my “if you can’t spell it, you don’t deserve to own the breed” rule.

  • YSaC, Vol. 280: It’s not just Craigslist, apparently …

    … people suck at other online classifieds, too. Witness this post on Kijiji, a Canadian classifieds:

    GREAT DEAL, MUST SELL ASAP

    Price: $250.00

    Ad ID: 1xxxxxxx

    Visits: 226

    14 YEAR OLD DEAF WHITE CAT. SPAYED AND SHOTS ARE UP TO DATE. 2 DIFFERENT COLOR EYES. WARNING: ONLY LIKES TO BE PET ON THE HEAD, DO NOT TOUCH HER BODY.  GREAT DEAL, ONLY SELLING BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE HER AS MUCH AS I USED TO. VERY SMART AND SNEAKY CAT, WOULD BE A GREAT ADDITION TO SINGLE MEN’S HOMES. SHE IS VERY POLITE. GIVE HER A CHANCE. ALSO YOU CAN RENAME HER BECAUSE SHE IS DEAF.  ONLY REPLY IF YOU WILL FEED HER SOFT STUFF.
    280f

    *bangs head against computer*

    Apparently this person is used to shouting at their deaf cat — that would explain the all-caps posting. As for the rest of it … apparently the cat is very polite AND very sneaky. She’s politely sneaky. Unless you touch her body, in which case she apparently turns into a whirling dervish of epic proportions.

    And does this person really think they’re going to get $250 for a 14-year-old cat? And that that’s a “great deal”? At that age, their warranty has pretty much expired. Yeah, sure, cats can live into their 20s sometimes, but that’s the exception. At 14, you’re pretty much dealing with a geriatric cat. (Suddenly, in my head, the cat has the voice of Abe Simpson.)

    There’s a bit of a disconnect between “MUST SELL!” and “Only selling because I don’t like her as much as I used to.” I mean, both are asshat-worthy, but tell a different story.

    You know, I don’t like my brother as much as I used to, either. I wonder if I could sell him? Oh, but he’s not deaf, so you couldn’t rename him. And he doesn’t eat only soft stuff.*

    *Full disclosure: I don’t actually have a brother, but if I did, I’m sure this guy would seriously consider selling him.

    Meanwhile, over in the motherland, England has a website called gumtree.com, which contained this post:
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