You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: humanity is doomed

  • YSaC, Vol. 209: Shouldn’t we have prevented the Germans, instead?

    4 pcs french preventional dining room set – $275

    China cabinet and serving/buffet table in great condition
    table and 6 chairs.
    the table has a leaf, the chairs all need to be re-apolsterd.
    cash and carry xxx-xxx-xxxx

    That “thud” sound you hear is me banging my head on the desk. Repeatedly.

    As if French Prudential wasn’t bad enough, now we have French Preventional. What, exactly, are they preventing? Whatever it is, they’re French — it won’t work! It will be like the Maginot Line of furniture. The chairs will launch an aerial assault on the china cabinet and the buffet table will surrender immediately.

  • YSaC, Vol. 207: The horse creeps me out too.

    lots of crap oh and some cool stuff to

    i am hoping to not have to throw this stuff away becaust it can be fun my son just has to much stuff n toys and so do i so keep an eye out there will be lots more stuff for free soon but please if you want any of this stuff please come get it my cat wont use the cat beds (she likes mine) the horse creeps the hell out of me but it still works yes it has damage but it hase never hurt my son it even makes noises the chair needs a little tlc or saw to turn it in to fire wood the basket would be good for a plant or something on a porch the computer moniter works just fine i got a better one the sponge bob tent is indoor out door not waer proof but if you had a little one then they will love it no damage we just have like 10 of thees thingsthe sit n spin very self explanatory except to my 4 year old who just cant grasp the concept yes that is a frog back pack with wheels and exstendable handle hidable back pack straps n all dont get to excited in all its about a foot tall the basketball hoop is ment for the pool but being as we dont have a pool where i live we just used it in doors inflates and folds up flat and twists up small some how no holes on ball and if it gets a hole it can easly be replaced by a beach ball just put it in the fabric cover the pirats of the carribean sleep over sleeping bag was never used he got this one ans a cars one at the same birthday (he likes cars) the pig is a chair along with the spiderman thing but it makes noise that is if you put batries in it i never did the blue dog is just that blue (from blues clues)if you want anything feel free to email me at xxxx_xxx@yahoo.com

    Kirsten sends us this one, saying, “There was no picture with this ad.  I guess this Craigslister was confident that her illustrative writing would give us a mental image of her junk pile.”

    So here’s a contest: In one breath, read the above aloud as quickly as you can and see how far you get through it, and post your results.

  • YSaC, Vol. 206: I hope they cuff his hands in the front.

    Female front desk clerk to help me win nude bet

    Hello, some friends have made a fun bet with me to stay at a hotel and lock myself nude out of my room and then have to go to the front desk that way to ask for a spare key. The bet is worth $200 and I would be glad to give you $100 of it to let me come down to the desk to win the bet. It is just all good, clean fun and hopefully would be a fun/funny story for you to tell afterwards. Please respond to this ad if you would be willing to help me win the bet, get a good laugh (and split the winnings). Thanks, Gary

    If I worked at a hotel, I would agree to this … and then get in touch with Gary’s friends and tell them that for $100 more, I would pretend I didn’t know who he was when he came into the lobby naked, and refuse to give Gary the key to his room, AND let them record it. Wouldn’t that be good, clean fun? I know that would be a funny story for me to tell afterwards.

    All right, hands up — who else thinks there aren’t actually any “friends” involved, and Gary has concocted this friends/bet story to satisfy his own weird fantasy?

    This was found in the Food/Bev/Hosp jobs section by Sara — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCIX

    Having a hard time in the grocery store – 36

    I have alot of grocery shopping to do and the last time I went there I felt uncomfortable pushing the cart around because women are supposed to push the grocery cart. So being a bachelor I’m trying to stack everything in my arms and it isn’t working very well and I’m dropping things and grunting through the store hauling way too many groceries by hand. It was awful and I had to come back two days later and dop it all over again. (I’m a big fellow who eats alot of food.)

    I’m looking for an attractive lady to push my cart in the grocery store while I shop. You must be attractive because people will think you are my wife or girlfriend if you are pushing my grocery cart. And while I do enjoy being a bachelor and dating freely, if you are really good at pushing my cart I’d be glad to keep you around for a while and possibly even sleep with you or take you out for burgers. So please no one older than 25 and no larger women.

    As compensation for your time I might buy you a few loaves of bread or something from your grocery list.

    Please reply with a pic so I can see if you are good looking enough to play the part of wifey while I shop. Also I’m white so unless maybe you are some kind of Asian it wouldn’t look right for you to be pushing my cart around for me. People would talk if I was with a darker girl. Also I usually date women with a bigger bust so unless you have a really pretty face and a really petite figure you should probably have a decent bust size. And no kids please, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking they were mine. Plus I just don’t date women with kids for obvious reasons.

    So many offensive assumptions and stereotypes, so few brains.

    I’m almost tempted to respond to this and offer to be his cart lackey just so I can “accidentally” clip his ankles with it as I dutifully follow closely behind. Besides, I might get a loaf of bread, a burger, and/or some crappy sex out of it.

    That’s it. I’ve threatened to do it before, but I have to now. I’m adding an “asshat” tag.

    Sent in by Catherine — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCVII

    Variations on a(n unfortunately) recurring theme:

    Urinary leg bag

    Hey I know this is really strange but….I had surgery last week and had a catheter….they sent me home with a Leg Bag that I NEVER used…it has been opened but not used…I have the bag and leg straps if anyone needs or is interested.
    I know its wierd but I hate to throw away if someone really needs this.

    You know, I’m all for “reduce, reuse, recycle” … but some things just are not meant to be recycled, even if they haven’t been used. This just might be one of them. (Sent in by Leslie.)

    But wait, there’s more! (Of course there is.)

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCI

    hot chic from ohio in my computer class – m4w – 33

    hi we r in same computer class at [abbreviated college name] ..u said u were form ohio , mason i beleve near kings island..i think u r the most sexiest woman i have ever seen .. the way ur shirt help tight against ur body showin ur nice firm tits.. and ur sexy body i would love ot lick up and down… if u think u knwo who u r what was the teacher jking about if u ever hung out withteh guy that did what at kings island?.. hit me up maybe we can hook up discreetly and talk or whatever

    Any way this turns out, this is destined for disaster.

    First of all, let’s assume that the girl sees this. Who would go out (or “hook up and talk or whatever”) with a guy who wrote this? And by “write”, I mean, “randomly poked at letters on the keyboard in a vain attempt to communicate.” And if she does see it — how uncomfortable is she going to feel in that class now? It would be enough to make me drop the class and file a harassment charge and restraining order, honestly.

    Let’s be charitable, though, and pretend that the girl in question is somehow charmed by his description and decides to let him lick her up and down. They marry. They breed. See? Disaster.

    Now let’s assume that she doesn’t see it, and remains blissfully oblivious to his romantic keyboard single-finger stabbings. It’s still a symphony of fail, with a suck encore.

    Sent in by Cheryl — thanks!