You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: still single?

  • YSaC, Vol. 1727: After five it’s a gas

    Thanks to our wonderful readers, it’s been quite some time since the Llamanun and I have had to actually LOOK at Craigslist for blog fodder. We still have plenty of good suggestions in the queue, but just for the heck of it, I decided to see what the “Casual Encounters” section had to offer.

    The problem with looking on “Casual Encounters” for terrible Craigslist posts is that it’s just too easy. It feels like cheating, almost.

    I just want boobs. – m4w

    I just want boobs to play with, maybe more if we both agree.
    No pressure, just fun.Send picture and your age.
    Big or small i like em all.

    NO PICTURE NO REPLY.

    Put BOOBS in the subject line to weed out spam.

    This may be the only person in the world where you put BOOBS in the subject line and he’s less likely to consider it spam.

    Need a tattooed man – w4m

    Do you look like the guy in the photo? Tattoos and glasses?? I love guys who are rocking this style, it drives me crazy! Hit me up if you are one of them 😉

    Apparently her style is “albinos in snowstorms,” because there was no actual picture.

    Busy med student seeking something casual – m4w

    Hello!

    I am a 24 year old busy med student. I’m white, clean, fit, and hung:)

    I am looking for a laid back girl for a casual no strings relationship.

    I am in a relationship if my own, but I miss the excitement of meeting new people. If anything happens, it needs to be on the down low.

    I am very normal and I am not going to stalk or murder you lol. I don’t have time for that.

    If you are interested in chatting message back. Put your eye color in The subject line:)

    I promise you will not regret it!

    What’s terrifying is that if this guy were just a little less busy, he’d have time to stalk or murder you.

    Thanks for the posts, Craigslist!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1656: Which witch is winch?

    2011 jeep grand Cherokee 4wd – $9000

    I have a 4wd Jeep Cherokee. Its is dully loaded and has a which attached to front ranch hand bumper and grill gaurd. It is on a 4 in suspension lift and a 6 inch body lift has 35 mud grip tires(1200) witch has only been on it for two months. The truck only has 48,000 miles on it. i am looking to trade it but I looking for certain things only. I don’t need it but its paid for so O don’t have to sell it. Now here is what I am looking for. A lady( preferable married to how wants the jeep) she mist be 18 to 50 and fit. I give you the jeep and you leave your wife with me for a week. When you come pick her up she have the signed title to the jeep. So if interested send me several photo of the wife and I get right back to you. The photo need to be nude after all she will be for a week.

    Hi all! It’s drmk here. You may have noticed that Dan’s been writing most of the posts recently. That’s because I’ve been … er, away. I’m back now, though.

    Hey, do you like our new Jeep?

    Thanks, Chance!

  • YSaC, Vol. 454: Can I leave my asschapeau on?

    AFRICAN FISH – 50 (DREXEL HIL)

    Goood mourning –
    I am seeking an angle to come to my house and bring me two 20 oz wawa coffees with cream and NO sugar. Any apple fritters would be a big plus. A slow soft wet and deep blow job after the coffe followed by spooning untill we both fall asleep would be the perfict ending to our first meeting. Open to long term comitment with right lsdy, but you must have increadable tits to hold on to and a great big ass to use for my pillow. Sound nice? Hit me back with your stats and a pic and tell me how long it will take you to get here, and this may be your dream date come true. Please noone over 5’4″ and keep your wig on.
    Bob

    Andrew sent this ad in with the following commentary/translation:

    “I found this little gem whilst trying to cheer myself up a bit this morning — juxtaposing why I’m single to people who actually deserve to be so.”

    “Our friend Bob here appears to be an diabetic ichthyologist from the Sudan, recovering from the death of a loved one. He apparently needs some coffee, some apple fritters, and oral release to complete his magnum opus on the psychosocial dynamics of the koi pond in his condo in DREXEL HIL(L). Pity, really — the editors at Nature have been calling him for weeks. Do you know an angle with increadable tits for him? The world of science rests on your shoulders. Perfict, thanks. Remember your wig.”

    Andrew, there isn’t a single thing I can add to this, except … how on earth does reading something like this make you feel better about being single? Anyway, I just want you to know that the application of the “still single?” tag is on Bob’s behalf, not yours.

    Edited to add: Apparently this showed up on Date Wrecks a couple of days ago, also submitted by Andrew. Jami, we need to coordinate these things!

  • YSaC, Vol. 359: I’m interested in whatever too!

    Note from drmk on this post: After thinking it through, I’m leaving this post up but reserving the right to delete comments on it, and also reserving the rights to turn off commenting if I decide it’s necessary.

    If I had known the back story on CWC I would not have posted this entry, because while his ad is certainly mockworthy for a number of reasons, he appears to have problems much deeper than sucking on Craigslist.

    A good question was raised by someone using the screen name Delabonte: “So it’s okay for you lot to make fun of sad people, but not us?” This made me think — what is the difference between this website and the wiki websites devoted to attacking CWC?

    I think the difference is that my intended focus on this website is on people’s actions — that is, the ads they write — and not the person as an individual. (I’ll admit straying from that, and the asshat tag is a prime example of targeting the individual and not the action.)

    In contrast, I find the malice against CWC on the wiki websites to be directly targeted at him as a person and way over the line, and that started to happen in the comments here.

    I don’t want that kind of attack to happen here. There’s a difference between saying, “This person did a stupid thing,” and “This person is stupid”. I try to maintain the former, while the group that has, for whatever reason, appointed themselves CWC watchdogs appears to favor the latter.

    Before anyone cries censorship, all I’m trying to do is to maintain the tenor of the blog as I intended it. One of the things I love about the people who are regular commenters on this blog is that you all tend to be brilliant, funny, and clever people, and I’d really like to retain that, as it’s what makes this blog special and enjoyable for me (and I suspect for others). Personal attacks are not brilliant, funny, or clever.

    Thanks. Have a sammich.

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  • YSaC, Vol. 358: It’s because he’s an ass.

    Sara and khs sent in these two posts separately, but they turn out to tell a beautiful story about a man and his … donkey.

    man needs good home – 31

    my name is josh i just got kicked out of my house me and the old lady just split up i have noware to go and to top that off i am on house arrest 4 child support so all i need is a home phone that house arrest people can call and make shure that i am there.i also need 70 a week to keep up on my child support .i put the ball in your court.i am easy to git along with and love children.so please some body out there you can keep me out of jail and at the very least you would have made a good friend.I would not be posting this add if i had any where elce to go besides jail.i am a good handy man and can do about any thing so please email or hit me up at [spelled out phone number] i have until tonight to git some where i know its a lot to drop on someone but trust me its worth it i know there is some way that i will be able to help u.call and i’ll tell u y they call me donkey waiting by the phone

    thank you

    ps can shave if u don’t like that josh aka[donkey]

    358a

    Translation: I’m a deadbeat dad and I’m looking for someone who will let me live with them for free and pay my back child support for me.

    Somewhat unsurprisingly, this strategy seems not to have worked for our friend “donkey”, as this post appeared a few days later:

    your last chance – 31

    here it is i do not care about looks someone needs a man around the house and i am that man i am strait forward and will tell u if u will git any ,i need a place right now so if you are cool anough i can dio any thing work on cars what ever u need drywall to carprt i am on house aresst just the call in someone call to make shure i am home if any thing you would have made a good friend so i guess hit me up if u need a man or just a dude i will only need a place 4 a month or 2 unless i realy like u witch you will know i am strait forward

    He will tell me if I will “git” any, and if I’m cool enough he’ll do work around the house for me? I’m sorry, donkey, my good friend, but given your current circumstances, I don’t think those decisions are entirely up to you. Now put on that frilly apron that looks so nice with your ankle monitor, and dance for my amusement.

  • YSaC, Vol. 357: No connection.

    Liz sends in some “Missed Connections” posts, with this explanation:

    “Okay, so there is this guy who ALWAYS posts Missed Connections on our local CL.  He always writes the same things, so we always know it’s him.  And now we also know that when a 37-year-old pops up on there, it’s most likely him.  Some of our favorite lines of his are: “You was pretty and sexy,” “I want to hook up with you,” “we made eye contact,’ and, our favorite, “hope the girl see this.”

    We (me and my co-workers) have been following this guy’s posts for about 3 months now.  Every time one pops up, he’s at a new location, and it’s always some sort of eatery. We just don’t understand how one guy can have soooo many missed connections in his lifetime, and it’s always when he’s at lunch or dinner! These are just three that he’s posted in the past month.”

    waitress at The Grill – m4w – 37

    Date: 2009-06-05, 10:40PM EDT
    was eating at the grill on June 4 around 7:30pm.the waitress was young and fine.she had long dark hair with black jeans on and white shirt.if you are the girl tell me what i was wearing or what i order to eat.we chat a little.really would love to hook up with the girl.hope the girl see this.the girl shirt was low cut and showing some clevage

    Why do I get the feeling that by “we chat a little” the guy means, “You asked me what I wanted to eat, brought me my food, asked if you could refill my Coke, and then brought me my check”? And that he thinks that means that they’re soulmates? Well, they were soulmates until a few weeks later, at least, when …

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