You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: asshat

  • YSaC, Vol. 255: Exactly how many choirs are there?

    $1 Feamle roomy needed.

    I’m a Male in my 30’s, in need of a Female room mate, 19 to 27, Free rent and a car, keep the house clean and do the choirs. Plus a few things more ( Personal.)
    No Drugs, No Drama. U must send a Picture or a Myspace link.
    I just don’t have the time to do anything. Just work too much.
    Tell me a bit about you, to insure it’s not spam mail.

    You mean, more personal than doing the choirs? How many people are in each choir? I mean, if it’s the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to keep the house clean.

    I think this one needs a translation. Here’s how I’m reading it — anyone got a better translation?

    I’m a male in my 30s who is incapable of forming or maintaining a meaningful relationship. I’m looking for a female with low self-esteem who will act like my mother during the day and a sperm receptacle in the evenings. I will maintain that this is a business relationship so that when I get bored of you I can toss you away like garbage. Oh, but I’m shallow, so you should be hot.

  • YSaC, Vol. 247: Let me guess .. you’re divorced, right?

    And now for your daily dose of rampant misogyny …

    Boat/Stuff/cheap..

    Please!!
    No BUba thinking picking a free deal….
    Most ive bought was Quailty (G0/2/Marine.com}(West/Marine} No! Wall-Mally Crap!!
    Item….1 Bimini Top.. Was $325.. sell for for $125. 88”wide x56” high 7’x7” long.. please if u women cant mesure d/not e-mail..
    Boat Propeller 14” x 19 deg’s Stainless Steel all most new. look at most marine shop’s …Fish/Finder /Eagle /Ultra/Classic..Lady dont call what color come’s in White…Next!!! G.P.S. Garmin!! 2003 yep old but work’s like new..V.H.F. Realistic Marine Radio!! Yes LADY,, it’s a so called c/b but no V.H.F. ask your dad!! next Item///Last … Outboard/tram/mount/great .. recommended not over 40hp.. Call PH.xxx-xxxx E-Mail xxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com [location]..

    Clearly no women could ever be entrusted to MESURE something properly, and obviously women are so stupid that they have to ask a man to explain complicated things like VHF radios. After all, we’re more worried about things like whether the propeller will match our handbag and shoes.

    It was really difficult for me to not leave in the phone number and email on this one, and to not encourage those of us with two X chromosomes to call this guy repeatedly and ask stupid questions about what he’s selling. (Or even better, find someone really knowledgeable about them and ask him questions that would stump him!) But I’m a good girl. Just ask my dad.

    Sent in by Dan, who obviously knows about this kind of stuff since he’s a guy and all.

  • YSaC, Vol. 237: Beep beep.

    95 Caddy STS – $2800

    YOU ARE LOOKING AT ONE BAD ASS RIDE!! THE FIRST LUCKY BASTARD WHO COMES TO SEE THIS CAR WILL BUY THIS RIDE!!! I MUST SELL FAST TO PAY FOR MY DIVORCE!!! I’VE BEEN ORDERED TO PAY VAGINAMONEY!!! AS YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO TELL BY READING THIS I AM NOT F$%^KING HAPPY!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A 1995 CADILLAC SEVILLE STS 32 VALVE V-8 NORTH STAR ENG, HAS POWER EVERYTHING, LEATHER INTERIOR, FACTORY CD/TAPE STEREO, FACTORY CHROME WHEELS, EVERYTHING WORKS, IT GETS 21 MPG AND HAULS ASS. IF YOU EVER DROVE ONE YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!! IF YOU HAVE A LEAD FOOT GOOD LUCK KEEPING TIRES ON IT CAUSE IT WILL CONSTANTLY LITE THEM UP IN SMOKE!!! MY LOSS IS YOUR GAIN!!! DO YOU KNOW WHY DIVORCE IS EXPENSIVE?…….. BECAUSE IT’S WORTH IT!!!! YOU CAN CONTACT ME AT xxx-xxx-xxxx JAMES

    We can tell you’re not f$%^king happy — you’re shouting. Allow me to introduce you to my friend, the Caps Lock key. It turns on and off. Also, there are types of punctuation other than the exclamation point.

    The surprising thing here isn’t that this fellow is getting divorced, it’s that anyone who would actually conceive of the term “Vaginamoney” and use it in a public setting — much less in an attempted retail transaction — would find someone who would marry him in the first place.

    I’ve noticed that there are certain models of car I know for a fact I will not like the owner of.* In other words, the type of personality that would buy a Chevy Monte Carlo SS, for example, is a personality type that I will not get along with. I have (quasi-)empirical evidence to back this up — I have never met a Monte Carlo SS owner/driver that I like. Has anyone else had this experience (not just with Monte Carlos)? Based on this, I think I might have to tentatively add Cadillac Seville owners to that list. Anyone who judges their car’s quality based on the potential to ‘burn rubber’ has a vastly different set of priorities than I do.

    *Yes, I ended a sentence with a preposition. I couldn’t figure out a better way to get through that one.

  • YSaC, Vol. 223: What could possibly go wrong?

    selling 1 kidney – $100

    selling a kidney, if anyone is is interested…let me know 100,000 dollars OBO

    Kidney donation is a wonderful, noble thing. Selling your kidney on Craigslist? Stupid AND illegal. But he’s not the only one.

  • YSaC, Vol. 212: But they’re minty!

    $300 Methuen, MA. guy SEEKING TEMP ROOM RENTAL Orlando to TAMPA

    Seeking immediate room rental bcuz sleeping in the truck or hotel rooms isn’t my thing!

    $300 I’m seeking a honest ROOMATE/quiet Clean ROOM to RENT. if you know anyone or anywhere that maybe available, Please advise me. NO GAY MEN

    NO GAY MEN since they are that ignorant and sick that they can’t control themselves nor interpret this ad correctly. This is an ad for a rental not gay sex! Do you sickos understand?

    I’m Straight up, Trustworthy, clean, genuine, soon 2b MSTR ELECTRICIAN, NON DRUG USER, NON Alcoholic, Highley responsible Guy who SEEKS ROOM/ROOMATE ASAP. I’m quiet respectful person.

    Im road Tech Electrician(& REHABBER/Investor) that does contract work on the east coast for temp agencies till i get licensed and go independant. My mother is bipolar, snapped a carrot tonight and kicked me out. So thats the reason why!Hey we just dont see eye to eye.

    EMAIL MIKE Anthony A. ==>bronxboy[number]@yahoo.com call xxx-xxx-xxxx. TY people. My site www.[crappy single page “business” website preying on foreclosures].com

    212a212b212c

    Um, yeah. The bolding? That’s his. The spacing? Also his. The homophobia? Entirely his.

    And until the recent carrot-snapping incident (one can only imagine what that’s a euphemism for), he lived with his mother.

    But he’s quiet and respectful, as long as you’re straight.

    Nice cat, though. This may be a real live example for the blog Cute Things with Douchebags.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCIX

    Having a hard time in the grocery store – 36

    I have alot of grocery shopping to do and the last time I went there I felt uncomfortable pushing the cart around because women are supposed to push the grocery cart. So being a bachelor I’m trying to stack everything in my arms and it isn’t working very well and I’m dropping things and grunting through the store hauling way too many groceries by hand. It was awful and I had to come back two days later and dop it all over again. (I’m a big fellow who eats alot of food.)

    I’m looking for an attractive lady to push my cart in the grocery store while I shop. You must be attractive because people will think you are my wife or girlfriend if you are pushing my grocery cart. And while I do enjoy being a bachelor and dating freely, if you are really good at pushing my cart I’d be glad to keep you around for a while and possibly even sleep with you or take you out for burgers. So please no one older than 25 and no larger women.

    As compensation for your time I might buy you a few loaves of bread or something from your grocery list.

    Please reply with a pic so I can see if you are good looking enough to play the part of wifey while I shop. Also I’m white so unless maybe you are some kind of Asian it wouldn’t look right for you to be pushing my cart around for me. People would talk if I was with a darker girl. Also I usually date women with a bigger bust so unless you have a really pretty face and a really petite figure you should probably have a decent bust size. And no kids please, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking they were mine. Plus I just don’t date women with kids for obvious reasons.

    So many offensive assumptions and stereotypes, so few brains.

    I’m almost tempted to respond to this and offer to be his cart lackey just so I can “accidentally” clip his ankles with it as I dutifully follow closely behind. Besides, I might get a loaf of bread, a burger, and/or some crappy sex out of it.

    That’s it. I’ve threatened to do it before, but I have to now. I’m adding an “asshat” tag.

    Sent in by Catherine — thanks!