You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: classy

  • YSaC, Vol. 291: No, seriously. What. The. Hell.

    This post contains eight incredibly bizarre pictures of a NSFW coffee table. No, really. You have been warned.
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  • YSaC, Vol. 289: Next we work on the word “recently”.

    End Table-Round – $25

    Round end table with storage inside. Recently refinished.
    $25.00 O.B.O Please Call xxx-xxx-xxxx Or xxx-xxx-xxxx

    289

    Today’s lesson is on the difference between inside and outside. If you’re going to claim that this thing has storage inside, don’t show it in storage outside.

  • YSaC, Vol. 288: Yes, but does the carpet match the drapes?

    Still need a carpet layer – 49

    Ok, trying to get one room of carpet layed for several good blow jobs.
    Must be W/M not really overweight. Clean and DDF
    I am W/M 6’1 49 yrs old and about 240
    I have all the material needed. Carpet, padding and strips. Room is 12 X 14
    Must be descreet.

    Megan sends this one in, saying:

    “I have a few comments about this craziness:
    1. Is that all it takes to get carpet laid in Tallahassee? Seriously?
    2. So this guy has “all the material needed” but is the material for the blow jobs or the carpeting?
    3. Insert “carpet laying” joke here. (Would have been much funnier if this was a female asking for some carpet laying)
    4. My boss has been talking about having new carpet put in his house… should I be concerned?”

    If you’re desperate enough that you’re offering oral sex in exchange for having carpet put in your house, is it really in your best interest to be picky about who’s going to be doing it? “Sorry, you’re too fat/ethnic for me, so I’m not going to let you install my carpet.”

    Unless this is another one of those Craigslist euphemisms. Maybe “carpet, padding and strips” is really a code word for some kind of S&M thing. I’d imagine that being hit with one of those carpet nail strips would probably hurt. Okay, I’m done imagining that now.

    Oh, and “must be descreet” = “I’m married”. Just in case anyone was wondering. (Nobody was, right?)

  • YSaC, Vol. 283: Turning water into rhine-stones.

    Jesus Last Supper Belt Buckle – $20

    Silver-tone and gold-tone with lots of bling rhinestones.
    Heavy metal belt buckle with Jesus at the Last Supper.
    Measures: 4″ W x 3 1/4″ H.
    Fits 1 1/2″ size belt.

    $20.00 cash / pickup or meet at convenient location.
    Will ship. Buyer pays S & H.

    Jesus was all about the bling rhinestones. The BeDazzler is Jesus’s way of saying he loves us.

    In my mind, heavy modifies metal in that sentence. It’s a heavy metal belt buckle. I can totally see Rob Halford wearing this. Rock on!

  • YSaC, Vol. 268: If it’s Saturday, it must be French Prevential Day!

    FRENCH PREVENTIAL FURNITURE

    About 6 months ago i bought a Beautiful french prevential 3 piece living room set, hardly sat on, tags r still on… but now i need to sell the set, so serious callers only please… 🙂
    ask for elizabeth, xxx xxx xxxx, also matching marble tables n capidimonte lamps from italy

    ;0

    I guess if you’re going to have French Prevential furniture, you have to have ‘capidimonte‘ lamps to go with it. Because it’s not classy otherwise. (Okay, full disclosure: no, I didn’t know what a capodimonte lamp was either, but I knew enough to look it up!

    You know what else is classy? Leaving the tags on your furniture for six months. Minnie Pearl would be proud.

    268

    But wait, there’s more! (Of course there is.)
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  • YSaC, Vol. 267: ‘Monogamous Gerbils’ would be a terrible name for a band.

    There’s two entries today, Vol. 266 and 267, so be sure to scroll down. (This was an accident, but I’m going to leave it that way and pretend I meant to do that. You may fawn obsequiously in the comments.)

    All it takes is one… – w4m – 26

    “Nice girl with a big heart looking for a sweat guy. I like bathes and showers as well. Most people only like one if that!!! I like to keep my options open. Tired of being pushed around and mistreeted. Iwant someone who respects me for who I am and knows how to treat a cute girl. Being able to listen to lots of opinions I might have when I’m drunk is always a plus. So is knowing how to handle a gerbil. I have 7 and they are like my kids, I luv them, alot!!! N*E*WAYZ I will go now if you want to know more just ask, I’m an open book. i prefer at least 6 inchers. I can deal with less but it’s not near as fun. no small weiners! lol “

    Why is this in quotes? Is it a transcription? Was she dictating this to someone?

    It’s a good thing she likes baths and showers if she’s going to be looking for a sweat guy.

    I’m still trying to figure out the “N*E*WAYZ I will go now”  bit. I mean, I know what it means, but why would someone write that in a personal ad? It sounds like something a third grader would write in a letter to a penpal. “Dear Jimmy, How is your summer? My summer is fun. I went to camp and then went bowling. N*E*WAYZ I have to go now, it’s time for dinner. Johnny”

    And I’m hoping I’m not the only one who (at first) thought that ‘6 inchers’ referred back to the gerbils.

    As a special Friday bonus, here’s a series of ads sent in by Tonya. I’m leaving the dates intact on this series for a reason… (more…)