You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: maybe it’s just me

  • YSaC, Vol. 447: Does this make Mickey the philosopher king?

    Can of Plato toys! – $3

    Lots of different little plato toys!

    447a447b

    Plato toys! Hooray! Finally, a way to teach children about one of the world’s greatest philosophers!

    The toys obviously represent Plato’s virtues: justice, wisdom, courage, and moderation. (I’m going to guess that the dog doesn’t represent wisdom — it doesn’t look too bright.)

    That would mean that the tin is Plato’s cave — which is particularly apropos, given that the point of Plato’s cave allegory is that the world of sensible objects is impermanent; what’s more impermanent than Play-Doh? (Unless you leave it out and let it harden.)

    Thanks for the submission, pointyjess!

  • YSaC, Vol. 446: Candelabra in the wind.

    Candle Opera – $30

    a wonderful piece to any collection

    446

    Hooray for eggcorns!

    But … but … what’s that ominous figure hovering in the background? Why, obviously, it’s the Phantom of the Candle Opera!

    Thanks, Abby!

  • YSaC, Vol. 445: Someone to sit over me …

    someone to sit on me for four hours

    Date: 2009-09-05, 6:31PM

    NEED A GUY TO SIT ON MY BACK FOR FOUR HOURS A WEEK FOR 20 DOLLARS AND HOUR ,HAS TO BE IN GOOD SHAPE, CAN NOT WEIGH MORE THAT 170 , THE REASON FOR THIS IS THAT I HAVE A BAD BACK AND THE PRESSURE HELPS ME RELIEVE THE PAIN NO BULL SHIT HERE , YOU COULD WATCH TV OR USE THE COMPUTER WHILE DOING THIS , PLEASE REPLY BY EMAIL xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx@YAHOO,COM

    thebean122 sent this in a while back. I thought, “Hmmm, that’s a little weird, but some people enjoy having their backs walked on, so maybe it’s not totally nuts,” and put it in the “probably not crazy” folder.

    Then Jami(no”e”) found this ad (separately) and sent it in.

    Need someone to sit on lap

    Date: 2009-09-22, 5:45AM EDT

    I have bad back problems, and need someone to sit on my lap for four hours a day ,it helps me straigten my, back I know it sound weird but it helps , willing to pay ten dollars and hour for four hours , twice a week , has to be in good shape and looking for a male to do it because they are stronger to do this sort of job, if you are interested e mail , this is not bs ,you could watch tv, use computer I will even give you food, please respond , just want to let you know that I am not gay or anything like that , just need the weight of you leaning on me , that is all, and sitting on me helps , trust me this is not what I wanted but it helps, thank you

    Despite the fact that yours truly has the memory of a steel colander, I remembered the initial ad. Yup, same town. Same comma style. But, it’s moved from someone sitting on his back for 4 hours a week for $20/hr to sitting on his LAP for 4 hours twice a week for $10/hr. And of course it has to be a male, because males are stronger at sitting on laps. That makes perfect sense. Women make terrible lap-sitters; everybody knows that.

    Maybe it’s just me, but my fetish-o-meter is going off. Look, dude, it’s fine with me if you want people to sit on you. It’s even fine with me if you want to PAY people to sit on you. Just be honest about why, okay? Oh, right, and be consistent when you post your searches on Craigslist, because some people have good memories.

  • YSaC, Vol. 439: Message in a … mason jar.

    THE PERFECT GIFT! NITA PEETA’S SWEET POTATO POTS! GROWN IN HER KITCHEN – $30

    This would be great as a gift and is grown from Grandy Nita’s own kitchen and put in a pot with a prayer for you and you can add your own destiny message. This is beautiful when it goes into full bloom and only takes about 3 weeks to start looking pretty. It comes with a message from the universe to you or your favorite friend!!!! Will deliver locally for 10.00
    Please Call
    Nita (Grandy)
    xxx xxx-xxxx

    439439b439c439d

    Um, it’s a potato. In a pot. I’m pretty sure you’ve given away your trade secret here, Nita.

    Although you do get a message from the universe with each one. Too bad the message from the universe is probably something like, “Hey jackass, you just bought a potato in a pot.”

    Thanks to MsMarvel for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 436: In every dream home, a nightmare.

    doll house – $50

    this house is in great shape thers carpet in the house very great shape name katrina email me

    Is it my imagination, or does this dollhouse look like it’s a foreclosure that’s been tagged by gangs — albeit, gangs of three-year-olds with crayons, but still?

    I half-expect to see that the copper wiring has been pulled out of the walls. Speaking of which, aren’t dollhouses usually only missing the back wall? This one seems to be standing up on the strength of the crayon wax alone.

    I’m reasonably certain that it’s infested with dollhouse-sized roaches and rats. (You can get those at the better dollhouse supply stores.)

    I’m guessing that this person’s definition of “very great shape” and mine have a few fundamentally irreconcilable differences. There’s certainly a difference in our definition of carpet, anyway.

    Thanks for the submission, Natalie!

  • YSaC, Vol. 434: It’s waiting to take you away.

    Regular readers might remember the Case of the Missing Drawer. I think we may have found a post that solves that problem, and establishes the principle of the Conservation of Drawers in the meantime:

    TALL 5 DRAWER DRESSER – $65

    FOR SALE:

    SOLID PINE 5 DRAWER DRESSER. THIS DRESSER IS 53 1/4 ” HIGH BY 17 3/4″ WIDE BY 18″ DEEP. VERY STURDY AND HEAVY. IF INTERESTED PLEASE CALL xxx-xxx-xxxx. THANKS FOR LOOKING.

    434

    It’s the postulated 6-drawer 5-drawer dresser! And, clearly, the one drawer is not subject to the laws of physics. That must be our magical mystery drawer.

    What? Why, yes, I’ll accept the Nobel Prize in Physics for the theory of the Conservation of Drawers! What an honor.

    Thanks to Jake for sending this in; Jake, I’ll split the medal with you, but the cash is mine!