You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 293: Kids would ask for it by name if they knew what the hell it was.

Written by

drmk

in

This one was in the European Craigslist, but is just as inexplicable as the posts in the US:

Velvet Ovlatine – EUR22 (SG)

Hand make version of this velvet drink, ready for the ripe drinking. I got the powder, just need to milk to mix with it.

Anyone in the area that wants to share the mix, please reply. Oh and I think we could use a harpoon to help mix it.
Remember – english is my 2nd language – beauty marks, and moles come first.

All trades plus shipping and handling. BYOB.
293

I think I speak for many, many people when I say, “… what?”

Lotte sends this one in, saying, “I’m not even sure if this is a really subtle ad for some casual encounter of some sorts. The Ovaltine is hand-made, and it also says: I got the powder, just need TO milk to mix with it. Milking what, I just shudder to think really. Not to mention the harpoon reference. Plus a reference to beauty marks and moles AND the fact that the ad was placed under ‘barter’. Maybe Ovlatine is a whole other thing than Ovaltine. You know what I mean? *nudge nudge* *wink wink*….Now I feel sick.”

Comments

31 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 293: Kids would ask for it by name if they knew what the hell it was.”

  1. D / DM Avatar
    D / DM

    I do believe it’s an offer of sex. But how ugly do you have to be to choose Ovlatine as a matephor for yourself?

  2. corn flakes Avatar
    corn flakes

    I’d like to hope it is a case of completely using the wrong words and English is more like their 5th language.

    Is there really a velvet drink in Europe?
    What flavor would Velvet be?
    Does this person really have a mole fetish?
    Is the harpoon a call for the morbidly obese?
    If it’s a metaphor, what is shipping and handling?
    and what is BYOB?!?

    Either way, i have more questions than answers so i prefer to think of someone somewhere with a truck full of Ovaltine that was homemade and Red Velvet cake flavored that needs 36 gallons of milk to make a record-breaking giant Ovaltine that would be so big it would have to be stirred with a spear or harpoon.

  3. Amy H. Avatar
    Amy H.

    I’m not exactly sure what that all is supposed to mean, but I catch the drift and all I can say is… GAG

  4. Miki Avatar
    Miki

    According to Urbandictionary:

    Ovaltine: A sexual act in which a male collects his semen,either manually or with a partner, and dehydrates it (typically using a commercial food dehydrator). Later, a sexual partner re-constitutes the dehydrated semen in a glass of milk and consumes it.

    May also be used to refer to an interracial sexual pairing.

    1. Miki Avatar
      Miki

      And now all of you, just like me, will never be able to NOT know that again.

      1. corn flakes Avatar
        corn flakes

        EWWWWW.

        I cant even add anything else. Just EWW.

    2. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Oh, my.

    3. Martha Avatar
      Martha

      OH.DEAR.GOD.

      I need brain bleach to get that out of my head now.

      1. Monica Hamburg Avatar
        Monica Hamburg

        Someone must have too much time on their hands, and too little interest in sex, to come up with this fetish.

        And now, off to puke.

        1. D / DM Avatar
          D / DM

          I’ll buy the interracial sex definition. That dehydrated semen thing is just silly…

  5. FunnyGal KAT Avatar
    FunnyGal KAT

    Eh. Points for creativity, but it’s too oblique a reference to be very effective. I mean, is someone willing to do what is described in the Urban Dictionary going to be able to decode the CL request?

    Also, I can’t believe the UD definition of Ovaltine is a real thing! Ewww!

    1. jackie31337 Avatar
      jackie31337

      Maybe they need the secret Ovaltine decoder ring to decode it with?

      All I can say in the face of this ad is Ovaltina, my goat! Paaaaaancaaakes!

  6. PrincessLuceval Avatar
    PrincessLuceval

    What does Urban Dictionary say about the harpoon, hm? Is “poon” the operative expression, then?

  7. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    I’m a Nestle girl myself.

  8. Miki Avatar
    Miki

    According to Urban Dictionary (again):
    Harpoon: Discreet Codename for an extremely Fat ugly Woman

    To make love with an extremely overweight person(s) by entering her body…. just about anywhere you could find:
    Dimples, rolls, clefts, jowls, over hang… well you get the idea.

  9. CE Blog Avatar
    CE Blog

    “Looking for a fatty to consume my dehydrated jizz.”

    1. Amaia Avatar
      Amaia

      You know, if that’s what you want, why not just say it? And why not put it in Casual Encounters, instead of Barter? It seems to me that he’d increase his chances of finding what he’s looking for, rather than ending up on YSAC, confounding and amusing us.

  10. colleen Avatar
    colleen

    This looks like a bot. As for Urban Dictionary, most of the definitions are submitted by under-supervised 8-12 year olds and drunken frat boys. I don’t think that any of the above is real slang.

  11. Callisto Avatar
    Callisto

    Okay, I really need to stop reading this blog after eating.

  12. Regina Avatar
    Regina

    Maybe he’s into interracial sex? “Oh yeah, I need your white milk to mix with my calcium-fortified choclatey goodness.”

    …I’m not a bad person, I swear.

    1. D / DM Avatar
      D / DM

      I think you’re onto something. I think the real message here is that a black guy is looking for an overweight white woman. Stranger things have happened. But maybe they haven’t been related in stranger language.

  13. bratfemme Avatar
    bratfemme

    catching up on this blog; you guys have just MADE my Mother’s Day! …except now I can’t explain to my kid why I’m snorting and giggling.

  14. Jim4913 Avatar
    Jim4913

    Oh my goodness! Do you think there’s a different name if you use skim milk?

  15. Hiyame Avatar
    Hiyame

    I for one believe in Urbandictionary, and they have taught me quite a lot. I have the books, after all. But… I’ve heard of worse and scarier fetishes. Like crushing fetishes? Look on youtube, if you dare, but its not even a little bit pleasant. But, for my piece of mind like the others, am choosing to believe that this means an interracial couple. But it makes you wonder… what other drinks are sexual euphemisms…? All of them? I hope not.

    1. mud "Bosco!" slicker Avatar
      mud “Bosco!” slicker

      ‘Tang.

  16. penguin Avatar
    penguin

    Don’t recall seeing this one before. If I did, I mentally blocked it for good reason after reading the comments.

    Ewwww!!!!

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      SO Happy this is not on my diet plan! AND that P-Rex and Dave and the Ferret Tribe (or DAFT) are safely locked up in the box where they can not get to the Ovaltine. Whew!

      1. P-rex Avatar
        P-rex

        *muffled voice*
        Let me out, I don’t even drink ovaltine, it gives me gas.

  17. Dave and Ferret Tribe Avatar
    Dave and Ferret Tribe

    And I’m supposed to pay 22 euros? No. Just no.

  18. LimeLolly Avatar
    LimeLolly

    I have never been a fan of fake chocolate drink mix. I don’t see that changing any time before I die.

  19. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    P-Rex, Dave, Ferret Tribe, I hope the fact that it’s Monday won’t influence your behavior now that you are out of the box. 8) Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Captain Midnight!

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