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YSaC, Vol. 314: Her name is Rio, and she needs to have huge cans …

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drmk

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Cover Band Seeks Hot Female Keyboardist w/ Giant Cans!!

Yup…you read correctly. We are a killer 80’s cover band and if you think you fit…that would be sweet!

So, maybe I’m crazy, but given that a lot of music from the 80s was primarily synth-based, wouldn’t you be more concerned with whether your keyboard player was competent instead of hot and stacked?

I mean, the talentless girlfriend has her place in the band, but it’s usually playing tambourine and singing tuneless background vocals into a dead microphone.

Thanks to Lisa for sending this in!

Comments

46 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 314: Her name is Rio, and she needs to have huge cans …”

  1. Fraulein N Avatar
    Fraulein N

    Perhaps they want someone like the chicks in the Robert Palmer videos. Just sway (your giant cans) and PRETEND like you’re playing the keyboard.

  2. Jules Avatar
    Jules

    I just happen to BE a female keyboardist/vocalist with not “giant” but pretty nice sized “CANS”. Unfortunately–I’m already in a band and had my band advertised like this-I can guarantee you I wouldn’t have auditioned! I’m sure my “cans” add something great to the band but I’d like to think it’s my musical talent that’s really important 🙂 Sadly, I’m not at all surprised by this type of ad though–it’s all about image-or so my agent says. 🙂

  3. DrugserBad Avatar
    DrugserBad

    As soon as I saw 80s cover band I stopped reading…

  4. Monica Hamburg Avatar
    Monica Hamburg

    This is expecting too much: a keyboard player who can also play large cans. Are they adding a STOMP piece to their repertoire?

    1. Lola Avatar
      Lola

      “keyboard player who can also play large cans”

      I’m now cleaning snorted club soda off of the computer screen, thank you!

  5. casualencounters.com/blog/ Avatar
    casualencounters.com/blog/

    Well, yeah, but I mean… madeyalook, didn’t they?

  6. kt Avatar
    kt

    hmm i have some tomato sauce cans from Sams Club!

  7. unfortunate names Avatar
    unfortunate names

    hey it worked for them when they advertised ‘bass player with huge package’ last year

  8. Sabrina Avatar
    Sabrina

    one of my favourite bands has a hot lady keyboardist, and they have an eighties-ish sound…

    this sounds like something the lead singer would post, or would have posted looking for her.

  9. Robert Avatar
    Robert

    And that ladies and gentlemen is why I am embarrassed to have grown up in the 80s.

    1. Dave and the ferret Avatar
      Dave and the ferret

      It’s the eighties! Do a lot of coke, and vote for Ronald Reagan!

  10. A commenter Avatar
    A commenter

    What’s really sad about this: “cans” is slang for the female ass, not the mammary region. They want a female keyboardist with a huge butt.

    1. Astrognash Avatar
      Astrognash

      I like big cans and I cannot lie…

      Oops, wrong decade.

      1. LimeLolly Avatar
        LimeLolly

        Try a reggae jamaican tune, man.

  11. UpNort Avatar
    UpNort

    A commenter:

    “Can” is slang for butt, “cans”, plural is slang for a woman’s chest.

  12. kelli Avatar
    kelli

    Do the giant cans need to contain anything? I have two empty economy sized Van Camp’s pork ‘n beans cans. They’re big enough for a grown man to stick his head inside.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      So, kelli, how long have you been sticking giant, empty cans over men’s heads? Interesting hobby, by the way.

      1. kelli Avatar
        kelli

        Actually Windy, I am referring to the infamous Second City funeral skit.

        1. Windrose Avatar
          Windrose

          D’oh! I need to brush up on my Canadian comedy!

        2. kelli Avatar
          kelli

          Actually Chicago comedy, Second City Improv is kind of a big thing. *cough* Belushi *cough*

        3. HamCan Avatar
          HamCan

          30 Helens agree…

        4. Windrose Avatar
          Windrose

          Sigh. Why did I think they were a Canadian creation? I’ll just go read Wikipedia for a while.

    2. Angel Avatar
      Angel

      I’ve got some giant 7-pound green bean cans; maybe you and I should start a steel drum band, Kelli.

      1. HamCan Avatar
        HamCan

        Beans, beans the musical fruit…

        1. Angel Avatar
          Angel

          I give my dog half green beans/half kibble for his supper. They’re low in calories and full of fiber so they keep his hounddoggy shape in shape. But oh my, yes Hammy, they produce some melodious doogy toots, and if I decide to serve haricot verts with dinner I get accused of serving dogbeans (all one word.)

        2. HamCan Avatar
          HamCan

          We feed our dogs green beans too. (Frozen, they love them)

          Warning, do NOT feed your dog Brussels sprouts!

  13. LimeLolly Avatar
    LimeLolly

    Listen up, Buster Poindexter. Who do you think is going to apply for this Motley Crüe? You need to be careful that some Twisted Sister or Violent Femmes aren’t waiting to rip your Lipps, Inc off your face due to your ill-advised Talk, Talk
    Now, I’m sure you’re Ready for the World but I highly suggest that you KISS my Depeche Mode or I’ll be standing in line to put you in Dire Straitswith my big STYX! That’ll be a Cure you won’t soon forget. You’ve got ‘Til Tuesday to rewrite this ad. Remember, women with The Hooters are not a Cheap Trick!!

  14. HamCan Avatar
    HamCan

    Awesome, I’m in!

    Now all I need is big hair…

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Wear a puppy on your head. 8)

      1. Dave and the ferret Avatar
        Dave and the ferret

        You can hold the puppy in place with a glittery hairband.

        1. Angel Avatar
          Angel

          Be careful; A Flock of Seagulls may be attracted to the glitter.

        2. kelli Avatar
          kelli

          And if it becomes unmanageable, I suggest Haircut One Hundred. It may be enough for the bouncer to finally let you into the Culture Club

    2. LimeLolly Avatar
      LimeLolly

      You’re gonna need a lot of hairspray.

      *contacts broker to buy stocks of Aquanet*

    3. Angel Avatar
      Angel

      I LOVED Haircut One Hundred!

      *wanders off happily humming Love Plus One to herself *

  15. ghostcat Avatar
    ghostcat

    [matt] I think you guys are reading this all wrong – the operative word is “killer”. This is obviously an ’80s cover band/ serial killer society that is looking to recruit a new member who has big garbage cans, which would come in handy when disposing of bodies. Best not to ask what happened to the old keyboardist.[/matt]

    1. Astrognash Avatar
      Astrognash

      She refused their offer.

  16. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Missed Connections: I auditioned for your keyboardist opening in your 80’s band. You were the drummer with the David Bowie in Labyrinth hair. I could tell by the way you were fondling your sticks that you were impressed with my giant cans. I didn’t get the job, but I would like to hook up. Call me!

    1. SisterLyle Avatar
      SisterLyle

      Cans, magic cans…

      1. kelli Avatar
        kelli

        Is the magic of the cans proportionate to the size of the cans? If so, I might finally fulfill the requirements to be a king in Xanth.

  17. LimeLolly Avatar
    LimeLolly

    Thanks, drmk. Just because Barry Manilow is a valid form of torture under the Geneva Convention…..I mean, thanks. 8)

    1. Addicted Reader Avatar
      Addicted Reader

      1. I’m getting a Duran Duran earworm. Is that any better?

      2. The other day I had a crazy mix of “Copacabana” and “Star Wars Cantina” in my head. Fun times.

      1. kelli Avatar
        kelli

        I keep hearing, “her name is Rio and she dances in the can” which is nearly identical yet has a completely different meaning than the original song and I keep wondering if Rio has an exceptionally large bathroom, makes only small dance moves, or is constantly hitting the shower, sink, mirror, tub, and / or toilet and now I realize I spent more time analyzing this than I did analyzing the video portion of my French final which I did pass despite freaking out on the writing part.

        1. LimeLolly Avatar
          LimeLolly

          Okay… I get it now… drmk was referencing Duran Duran… but I was hearing Copacabana. That saying about dancing to your own beat?

          I does it.

  18. kelli Avatar
    kelli

    Also, I was in the box, yay!

    1. LimeLolly Avatar
      LimeLolly

      Well deserved too… guess that happens when you get a chance to rest and recoup your snark. 🙂

  19. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    kelli, I am so glad you noticed you were in the box. 8) Happy Punchity Punch Punch.

    G’Night, Urban Cowboys!

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