YSaC, Vol. 360: The problem is you have to count to 4.
2009 July 12
Brand new Tamporeen for sale! – $5
Brand new Tamporeen for sale! In perfect condition! Contact Kelly xxx-xxxx if interested
Legend has it that Hemingway was once asked to write a story in six words. The result was “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Somehow “Brand new tamporeen for sale!” isn’t quite as evocative as Hemingway’s missive, although it’s very sad to contemplate the possibility that Kelly couldn’t even get the role of the talentless girlfriend in the band right. (And that’s saying something. Even Linda McCartney played that role well.)
Thanks for the submission, Rob!
By the name ‘tamporeen’ I was expecting some sort of tampon/canteen combo. Which I thought would be strange because one would absorb the other.
And then I saw the picture and breathed a sigh of relief because I was wrong. It is just another idiot. Whew!
Although I could use some musical accompaniment for “that time”…
This girl must have walked up to the first band she saw, said “I can play the tam-por-een just swell good!” and been soaked by the spit flying from the mouths of the laughing musicians. No wonder it’s in “perfect condition”.
Wish I had seen that add. Great price and I at least can play the thing. (And the vibraslap.) LOL The Tampon/Canteen Combo- maybe that was the name of the band she tried out for?
I may regret this, but I have to ask: what is a vibraslap?
OMG I said “add” instead of “ad”! HORRORS!!!!
You should be able to edit your original post for a short period of time after you post it!
I’m concerned about what the tamporeen is sitting on. What is that? *Squints*
Some sort of couch or furniture-like item–cannot determine if snake-infested or auntie-stained; could be up-ended, though. Said items could be sale for free, though–even though that may not be naugha skin upholstery, though.
Tamporeen = a new Tampax product specifically marketed toward teens.
… Not sure if the picture is a picture of the product or not, because … the chimey metal bits on the sides look, er, uncomfortable for an item of that nature.
I was thinking the Tampax Tamporeen was the first musical instrument designed by an ob-gyn…
“So discreet and comfortable, only you will know you’re wearing it!”
Until you try to move, breathe, walk, sit down, run, swim, ride a bike… I could go on.
So that’s what makes the Taco thong jingly!
So, if someone in the band has a surprise period…they can still be musical?
It is my understanding of human physiology–limited as it will be by being male–that the absence of menses is what, normally, constitutes “surprise.”
I am aware that there are entire tomes listing common and ordinary variations in distaff cycles; I’ve just no experience of being around same. So, unexpected onset could be more common than my understanding of such things.
Having been sent, post haste, to merchants to collect ‘feminine products’ more than once, I know remain surprised that more of the packaging does not jingle-jangle-jingle; every other attention-getting artifice being used thereupon.
I once considered buying a second hand tamporeen – but I was put off when I found out that there were strings attached……(comedy drumbeat)
You win the thread.
No, Bad! Wicked, evil Zoot! Brickbats of squick by the hundredweight flung upon thee!
Hey… I liked Linda McCartney!!
My first thought was that the llamanun (bbuh) was suggesting that kelly was some sort of latter-day Yoko Ono, only in a smaller, less-Japanese, never-to-be-famous sort of way.
Plus, that’s coming uncomfortably close to insulting Davy Jones (although he also played the maracas, ‘cuz he was multi-talented). Too soon, man!
What I want to know is how is it staying on that chair? couch? like that? Do tamporeens have adhesive on them?
I had to go look up vibraslap. Here’s an excellent link to the explanation:
http://www.music.vt.edu/musicdictionary/textv/Vibra-slap.html
Sigh. Now I have to go look up jawbone. 8)
Now that is one wicked-looking thing. Thank God Tampax doesn’t make something that looks like that.
Now I can play “Mr. Tamporeen Man.” Yeah, it’s an oldie. Get offa my lawn, now!
Oh duh, I thought it was some kind of Tampax holder/applicator at first glance. Took me some time to figure out what was pictured. Oy, I was having a senior moment.
I’m not in a band
I play all the time
I can’t play guitar
I cannot keep time
So I got this thing
I hold in my hand
It rattles and rings
Now I’m in the band
They let me play with my
Tamporeen.
Tamporeen.
Dee! Long time, dude!
Holy crap. I don’t even know how I got here.
I mean, hey Windy!
Drop your five bucks for my tamporeen.
Help a Sparky shelve her pretty dream.
Rhythm-challenged, can’t play anything.
No one would let me play
My new tamporeen.
Ah, an ear worm of which I am in total favor. Loved that song, and can still recite most of the words.
She was my neighbor, she walked into my place.
She jingled as she walked, a smile upon her face.
She wore a tat and a long multicolored scarf.
She offered me… this Kelly baby.
But her tamporeen just made me laugh.
Poor couch.
He just wanted to be musical.
Maybe vibrate a little.
Poor, poor dashed dreams of couch.
LL, congrats on being box-worthy, and taking Silva with you!
Yay. I knew having 10 different computers would pay off someday. *whistles innocently*
Oh, I’ve played this game before! Musical Chairs!
I have a katarist, anna dummer, anna base player, anna sinner, anna obo bloor, anna ki-bored player. Now all I need is a tamporeenist and Ill have a kelly banned.
At last! Now I can finally live my dream of being Tracy Partridge!
LimeLolly, Punchity Punch Punch!
Silva Noir, Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Costa Rica!