You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 445: Someone to sit over me …

Written by

drmk

in

someone to sit on me for four hours

Date: 2009-09-05, 6:31PM

NEED A GUY TO SIT ON MY BACK FOR FOUR HOURS A WEEK FOR 20 DOLLARS AND HOUR ,HAS TO BE IN GOOD SHAPE, CAN NOT WEIGH MORE THAT 170 , THE REASON FOR THIS IS THAT I HAVE A BAD BACK AND THE PRESSURE HELPS ME RELIEVE THE PAIN NO BULL SHIT HERE , YOU COULD WATCH TV OR USE THE COMPUTER WHILE DOING THIS , PLEASE REPLY BY EMAIL xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx@YAHOO,COM

thebean122 sent this in a while back. I thought, “Hmmm, that’s a little weird, but some people enjoy having their backs walked on, so maybe it’s not totally nuts,” and put it in the “probably not crazy” folder.

Then Jami(no”e”) found this ad (separately) and sent it in.

Need someone to sit on lap

Date: 2009-09-22, 5:45AM EDT

I have bad back problems, and need someone to sit on my lap for four hours a day ,it helps me straigten my, back I know it sound weird but it helps , willing to pay ten dollars and hour for four hours , twice a week , has to be in good shape and looking for a male to do it because they are stronger to do this sort of job, if you are interested e mail , this is not bs ,you could watch tv, use computer I will even give you food, please respond , just want to let you know that I am not gay or anything like that , just need the weight of you leaning on me , that is all, and sitting on me helps , trust me this is not what I wanted but it helps, thank you

Despite the fact that yours truly has the memory of a steel colander, I remembered the initial ad. Yup, same town. Same comma style. But, it’s moved from someone sitting on his back for 4 hours a week for $20/hr to sitting on his LAP for 4 hours twice a week for $10/hr. And of course it has to be a male, because males are stronger at sitting on laps. That makes perfect sense. Women make terrible lap-sitters; everybody knows that.

Maybe it’s just me, but my fetish-o-meter is going off. Look, dude, it’s fine with me if you want people to sit on you. It’s even fine with me if you want to PAY people to sit on you. Just be honest about why, okay? Oh, right, and be consistent when you post your searches on Craigslist, because some people have good memories.

Comments

60 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 445: Someone to sit over me …”

  1. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    This would definitely set of my freak-radar. Given how specific the fella is regarding size and sex, I’m picturing a geek who got sat on in high school and liked it, so he wants to recreate the memories. I can just picture him asking the guy who answers if he would mind wearing pads and cleats. To help his “back pain”, of course.

    1. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
      Igor The Vigorous

      Sarajean, I don’t think any of the real geeks I know would ever type like that…

  2. kelli Avatar
    kelli

    If it is the same guy as the first ad, I’d like to congratulate him on figuring out how to turn off CAPSLOCK.

  3. Isaac Avatar
    Isaac

    It’s obviously a slippery slope: first sit on my back for $20, then sit on my lap for $10; the next thing you know, it’ll be sit on my chest for free, or pay me $10 so you can sit on my face…

    1. DanTM Avatar
      DanTM

      … and tell me that you love me.

      1. Lola Avatar
        Lola

        That’ll cost extra – at least $25.

      2. Colleen in MA Avatar
        Colleen in MA

        I’ll tell ya that I like you for $15.

      3. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        I’ll do it for $5 and a chicken sandwich. With curly fries.

      4. Tacomagic Avatar
        Tacomagic

        Monty Python reference WIN.

      5. pixie721 Avatar
        pixie721

        I’ll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.

        1. Monty Python Avatar
          Monty Python

          Nice Monty Python reference. I’m pretty obsessed actually…look at my username.

  4. Cyrus Avatar
    Cyrus

    Are there professionals in this line of business? If he has such back problems then it might be best to go see a doctor (ie, chiropractor). This is clearly a fetish wrapped in the idea that there will be health benefits.

  5. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    If only there were some place this poor man could go where someone would apply pressure to his body to relieve pain. Oh, wait there is. I think they charge extra for a “happy ending” though, and you would not have the personal attention that comes from having a complete stranger you solicited online come into your house. I do like the fact he offered computer access as an incentive in both cases, but the offer of food seems a little too desperate.

  6. Ed Snyder Avatar
    Ed Snyder

    It’s this lousy economy. He’s been forced to cut his rates in half. And, Lord knows, no one is ever going to sit on your BACK for only $10/hr. Lap-sitting isn’t nearly as effective as a treatment for his particular spinal condition, but we all have to make sacrifices.

    Hurry up and pass the Obamacare so this poor guy can get someone to sit on his back.

    1. Irregular Fractal Avatar
      Irregular Fractal

      This could bring a whole new meaning to the public option…

  7. neverfirst Avatar
    neverfirst

    Depending on how you’re sitting (i.e. your legs on the floor, etc) there could be a lot less than 170 lbs on your back/lap. May I suggest a couple of bags of cat food. They won’t let you blow them, but they cost less.

    1. Lola Avatar
      Lola

      “They won’t let you blow them, but they cost less.”

      I think that this sentiment generally applies to a lot of CL …

    2. Katie Avatar
      Katie

      So, you get turned down by bags of cat food a lot, or…?

      Who needs ten or even twenty bucks an hour to do this, though? I would assume that the responder to such an ad has to be just as strange as the sort of person who would post it. Imagine the ad for that-

      “Guys- need someone to sit on your lap. this is a service I offer, i will come to your house in a manner you deem fit, sit in your latp for hours, i May watch television, you could feed me. This is NOT a sex thing, it will do wonder for yur back pain. Sorta wierd i know LOL but i am legite”

  8. Puddlecub Avatar
    Puddlecub

    This is why I have an 80lb husky/samoyed mutt. Lie down in the yard, eventually, he’ll either hump you or lie down on top of you. Hopefully, it’s not the humping.

    But, I’m sure there’s a CL listing for someone who wants to be humped by a dog.

    My giant puppy still thinks he’s a lap dog, so we don’t sit outside unless you don’t mind 80lbs of dog trying to get into your lap for belly scritchies.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      My sister’s Great Dane/Golden Retriever/God-only-knows-what mix is the same way, but with less random humping. They have a much smaller spayed female dog that he pines for and is the focus of his not inconsiderable attentions. Dega is more of a let-me-climb-into-your-lap-and-crush-your-internal-organs sort of dog than a me-love-you-long-time sort. He does stand up and put his front paws on your shoulders though, so you can give him a good chest scratch. He’s well over 100lbs and has accidentally knocked over small children and can drag my 12 year old nephew like a sled.

      I’m pretty sure that the dog-humping thing would go under “casual encounters” instead of “jobs”.

  9. DanTM Avatar
    DanTM

    Sure, the rate’s been cut to $10/hr, but the lap-sitting is twice a week, so you’re still making the same total money at least. Clearly, this guy has a $80/month fetish-fulfillment budget carefully worked into his personal financial plan.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      The idea of a budget-minded fetishist just strikes me as all sorts of funny. I can picture a nerdy little accountant type at a desk with a ledger.
      “I have $40 to spend on whips and chains and $35 for collars and restraints. That leaves only $70 a week for the sitting thing. If I start using plain instead of flavored that will make it $80…”

      Wouldn’t Budget-Minded Fetishist make a great band name?

      1. Tacomagic Avatar
        Tacomagic

        Only if their hit single was “Sit on me!”

        1. drmk Avatar
          drmk

          Sung to the tune of A-ha’s “Take On Me”.

        2. Cled Avatar
          Cled

          I was thinking of Bill Withers and “Lean On Me”. Guess I’m older. Sigh.

        3. Meredith Avatar
          Meredith

          That’s exactly what I heard, drmk.

  10. Manda Avatar
    Manda

    This add intrigues me. I want to know what type of back problem he has that is only alleviated by a 170lb man sitting on his back or his lap. I’m fascinated by his justification for requiring a man for this service instead of a woman… “has to be in good shape and looking for a male to do it because they are stronger to do this sort of job” because clearly a 170lb man is a stronger “lap sitter” than a 170lb woman. Yeah buddy, call a spade a spade…this is definitely a fetish and not a medical ailment.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Yes, there are few doctors who would prescribe pressing a 170 lb weight, male or female, against the spine. Unless it’s one of those alternative treatments, like leeches or trepanning.

  11. Cathy Avatar
    Cathy

    He’s clearly one of those employers who doesn’t even give bathroom breaks.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Imagine what kind of health plan he has.

      “We won’t cover any doctors’ visits, medications, or therapy sessions. We will cover the cost of a visit to this guy I know who used to be a vet before the shaking got too bad or CraigsList ad”

      “I’ll take the ad.”

  12. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    But I need to sit an ergonomic chair when I’m at the computer or else my back will not feel so good.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I wonder if this guy’s “back problems” came from sitting in front of a computer all day? At least he didn’t go blind.

      1. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
        Igor The Vigorous

        Agreed. Finding that I’m a homosexual over being blind any day. 😉

    2. Ed Snyder Avatar
      Ed Snyder

      And then you’ll waste ll the money you earned for someone to sit on you.

    3. Meredith Avatar
      Meredith

      Lucky you, Colleen. I sit at work for 8 hours…on a STOOL. My boss was kind enough to give us a seat so we weren’t just standing at a desk for the entire shift (I work at a hotel that is VERY VERY quiet during the day). But it’s a METAL STOOL.

      Maybe I should contact this guy and see if I can hire out whoever may answer his ad…on the days they aren’t sitting in his lap, of course.

  13. Monica Hamburg Avatar
    Monica Hamburg

    This is the person who, when you sit on his lap, will tell you that it’s not his erection you feel, but part of his spine which is out of alignment.

  14. Tacomagic Avatar
    Tacomagic

    You know, at first I thought this was a creepy dude with a sitting fetish, but then I came to a realization!

    This is obviously one of the chairs from vol. 418 trying to get somebody to use him. Poor chair, he tries so hard to be useful to society, even going so far as to pay people to sit on him.

    Have you sat on your chair’s lap today?

    Keep a chair off the street by sitting on him.

  15. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    Can you imagine if he was somehow able to breed?

    “No honey, we can’t go see Santa at the mall. See, Santa has this magical piece of paper called a ‘restraining order’…”

  16. pixie721 Avatar
    pixie721

    I wonder why he changed positions?

    I guess he didn’t like the way his erection felt when pressed against the floor. Or, maybe his real fetish is causing extreme discomfort in another person, so he wants to make sure that they will confront him about the erection he has pressed firmly between their butt cheeks.

  17. JcT Avatar
    JcT

    This is disgusting in so many pathetic ways. He thinks he’s so sneaky, that the average person can’t see right through his perverted “plan”. I mean, didn’t we crack wise about this in like, 7th grade? “Why don’t you sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that comes up?” I was telling that joke before I even knew what it meant!

    *sigh* I guess we need a new reset button. A sex-drive reset button. You press it and anything on their body that causes their sex drive, disappears. And maybe we can have it give them a house-painting fetish instead, so they can put that extra energy to good use.

  18. queensbee Avatar
    queensbee

    um. eww. just creeps me out. well, my office has not officially begun blocking sites THEY think are inappropriate. so, i’ll be reading from home because i cant get thru at lunchtime anymore…..

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Hahahahaha! YSaC is a banned website! AWESOME!!!

      1. Cled Avatar
        Cled

        Sorry to disappoint you, O web boss llama-nun, but I control the banned sites in my office. YSaC ain’t one. 😉

      2. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        I can still get YSaC, as well as CraigsList and eBay, but anything that resembles a social networking site like Facebook is blocked. I can get into my Blogger account though, which is weird.

      3. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
        Igor The Vigorous

        DRMK, if I’m ever the IT tech at an office, I promise to make this the company home page. I don’t care if I’m fired, but YsaC is required. 😀

  19. queensbee Avatar
    queensbee

    that should be NOW, not not.

    1. JcT Avatar
      JcT

      I do the “not not, now dammit” thing too. Why do we do that? The ‘t’ and ‘w’ aren’t really that close together, so it isn’t a fumble-fingers thing. Brain says “now”, fingers type “not”. Go figure.

  20. Sherri Avatar
    Sherri

    *runs screaming from the room*

  21. Jami(no "e") Avatar
    Jami(no “e”)

    My fist thought upon seeing this add was “Damn-it, I am totaly in the wrong business.” Then I realized I was also in the wrong state and the wrong gender… Why aren’t there any weirdos like this in Oregon?! I thought all the freaks lived here.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Sorry, I can’t get there until 2016, after I retire. But save a nice, weird old house for me, will you?

    2. Bridgete Avatar
      Bridgete

      Oh, I grew up in Oregon, I’m SURE there are plenty of lap fetish weirdos…you just haven’t found them yet.

  22. Canio6 Avatar
    Canio6

    drmk says, “That makes perfect sense. Women make terrible lap-sitters; everybody knows that.” Now, call my crazy but that sounds a tad bit like sarcasm. Perhaps she is onto something and women are great lap sitters. If any women would be willing to help me test this theory for say $10/hr, twice a week….

    1. frigglesnitz Avatar
      frigglesnitz

      I think the reason he wants a man to sit in his lap is women charge more for a lap dance, er, spinal adjustment.

    2. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
      Igor The Vigorous

      Make your clientele count a two. I’m in!

  23. Katy Avatar
    Katy

    A have a female friend who sits on peoples laps and makes much more than $10 an hour. Seems almost discriminatory to me. Equal rights go both ways, people.

    1. Tacomagic Avatar
      Tacomagic

      Equal rights may go both ways, but this guy only goes one.

  24. Ray Avatar
    Ray

    I’m a little lost on the steel colander part…

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Some things stick, and some just go right through …..

  25. Meredith Avatar
    Meredith

    “Siiiiit oooonnnnn mmmmmeeeeeeee”

    “sit on me”

    “Fiiiiixxxx myyyyyy baaaaaaaaack”

    “Sit on me”

    “Beeeeee aaaa duuuuude….Even watch TTTTVVVVVVV”

    1. Monica Hamburg Avatar
      Monica Hamburg

      Beautiful.

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