YSaC, Vol. XCII

2008 October 21

Da Vinci Nirvana Cabinet – £1000000 (pacific coast)


-DA VINCI NIRVANA CABINET-(Leonardo da Vinci used pattern recognition to come up with new ideas. In, A Way of Stimulating and Arousing the Mind to Various Inventions, Leonardo advised himself and others to “look at a wall spotted with stains, or with a mixture of different kinds of stones; if you have to invent some scene, you may discover a similarity with different kinds of landscapes, embellished with mountains, rivers, rocks, trees, plains, wide valleys and hills in a varied arrangement: or, again, you may see battles and figures in action or strange faces and costumes, and an endless variety of objects which you could reduce to complete and well-drawn forms.” So pay attention to the master and see what is in this cabinet’s woodgrain.)
So you’ve seen the Da Vinci Code Miracle Door, the completely coincidental trinity of figures appearing in the woodgrain of my cabinet door. Now it’s time to see the rest of the story: The opposite door which makes up The Da Vinci Nirvana Cabinet! So you’ve seen the door on the right with the Sign of the grail(a V) above the headless nude woman (the disempowered Magdalene)which has the shape of a fish (in some forms, the Christ sign)in what could be the sun (though dark). SO now to add another chapter to this story, the DOOR ON THE LEFT: The Da Vinci Nirvana Door. Now to look at this door we will rotate it so that the left side becomes the top. Now you can see if you’ll look closely, a rising out of the woodgrain on the right side ( above what looks a little like the start of a fleur-de-lis on it’s side) that becomes a round circle of lines radiating outward. From this the lines widen out and on the left side they take on the shape of a mushroom. This is important and what comes next is even more so. The next line breaks the mushroom mold and forms a nose over a neck and chin making a face looking upward to the heavens. YOW! Then in the next line radiating out from it, the face’s mouth is agape with awe and wonderment at what it has beheld and in the following lines the face is absorbed into the universe at one with everything. Knowing all things and making only those ripples in the ocean of creation that serves all and destroys only that which wants to be destroyed and be transformed because it is time. SO to sum up: The Da Vinci Nirvana Door shows us the start of an insular self-centered mushroom-like (kept in the dark and fed bullshit) existence perceiving that the heavens somehow revolve around it not aware of the careless ripples it makes in the ocean of the universe (with luck it’s universe will be small surrounded by other insular self-centered universes)And then it begins to realize BANG the universe does not revolve around it and ZOW it percieves a woodwork of thought, action, consequence and existence that inspires awe unlike any it had experienced before. And then KABLOOIE it becomes as one with the universe and it’s workings. There ya’ go, a whole ‘nother door to complete the Da Vinci Code Miracle Door/Da Vinci Nirvana Cabinet Mega Coincidence, umm…Miracle? AND it’s still only a million dollars or best offer! Not for sale to people who want to use it to start a war or lord it over people for the sake of it. If you buy it and do these things or attempt to do these things, you must return the cabinet to me and no refund will be forthcoming to you and this is a rule of this sale. It is alright though to make peaceful wads of money to be used worhtwhiley off of it though, as long as all subsequent owners understand that Karma will (if not an actual agent of myself) have total and lawful contracted authority to wrest the cabinet away from whomever they are and bitch-slap them back into their mushroom phase of existence. Price : £1,000,000.00 or best offer.

Up until the point they specified that it wasn’t for sale to people who want to use it to start a war or lord it over other people, I was right there with them — if I had this, I would absolutely lord it over everyone else.

I’m also wondering what would happen if you got this piece of furniture too close to the flying chair.

This was posted in the London Craigslist. I didn’t realize England had a coastline on the Pacific. That must just be me, in my insular self-centered universe, not realizing that the ocean of creation has no physical boundaries and that the KABLOOIE can make the Pacific Ocean one with the England universe.

I think I’m going to have to start a new tag for this one — “trying too hard”. There’s clever, and then there’s trying too hard to be clever.

29 Responses leave one →
  1. 2008 October 24
    stayce permalink

    I want some of what he is smoking.

    Adores: 2
  2. 2008 October 24
    drmk permalink

    Maybe you should ask this guy for his source?

    http://yousuckatcraigslist/ysac-vol-lxxxv-458.htm

    Adores: 0
  3. 2009 October 15
    Yancy permalink

    Yeah, I know I’m posting on this ad a year after it was originally posted to YSaC. But apparently in that whole year nobody thought to mention that the seller was asking for “only” a million pounds for a wooden cabinet. Now I know the dollar’s weak so we have to compensate for exchange rates, but still!!!

    Adores: 1
  4. 2012 January 14
    LimeLolly permalink

    : checks personal medication bottle:

    Hmm, my medicine only makes me hallucinate about purple socks and line dancing. Which one makes you hallucinate about Leonardo Da Vinci?

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 January 14

      These yellow ones make me see the Ninja Turtles, that’s kinda the same thing – right?

      Adores: 4
  5. 2012 January 14

    1. Find $1,531,500 (according to Financial Times)
    2. Buy cabinet
    3. Start a war anyway
    4. Accumulate enough spoils of war that I can return the cabinet and still come out ahead, and/or take Sparky as a prisoner of war so that I don’t have to return it

    Who’s in with me?

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 January 14
      valarie permalink

      I can think of worse ways of investing my 401K cash. As long as it spells Profit, I’m in.

      Adores: 2
  6. 2012 January 14


    Timothy Leary had a cabinet,
    LSD i oh!
    And on that cabinet he had some stuff,
    LSD i oh!

    With a cuckoo here,
    And a cuckoo there

    Here a nut, there a nut,
    Everywhere a nut job

    Timothy Learyhad a cabinet
    LSD i oh!

    Adores: 12
    • 2012 January 14
      tmh permalink

      And thank you for that earworm, Hammy.

      Adores: 1
  7. 2012 January 14
    Llama Derp permalink

    Those look like boards so some assembly required. Using Da Vinci’s lost diagrams for the Nirvana cabinet of course. They were written in Chinese anyway.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 January 14
      D / DM permalink

      Thank you please, for cabinet make!

      Adores: 3
  8. 2012 January 14
    D / DM permalink

    I looked at these pictures for twenty minutes and I see nothing in there of any religious significance. I call bullshit. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just got this incredible craving for Pepsi, and I must immediately go out and buy five cases of it.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 January 14
      Windrose permalink

      I see a pecil. And a bird of some kind. And George Michael. Ew.

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 January 14

      That’s cuz you have to look at it for 4:20.

      Adores: 3
  9. 2012 January 14
    Windrose permalink

    Does Sparky-Smythe accept collect calls? Cause after I sell all my worldly possessions so that I can buy the Cabinet of Strange Visions I won’t be able to afford the call to London. I think that’s a sign that I don’t really need that much planking in my life.

    Adores: 3
  10. 2012 January 14
    Windrose permalink

    Step right up, Ladies and Sparkies, and see the Largest Box of 2012! Yes, today only, you can see the Fantastic Snark Ensemble, staring Hammy the PuppyMan, and his back-up group, valarie, kelli, and Bianchi Sound! Your Don’t Suck card gets you in for free!

    Adores: 4
  11. 2012 January 14
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Holy crap, the Isaac thing worked yesterday. Now let’s get GrahamT back…

    Duct tape. Duct Tape. DUCT TAPE!

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 January 14

      BEETLEJUICE!

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 January 14
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        BeaArthur. BeaArthur! BEA ARTHUR!

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 January 14
          D !? DM permalink

          That never works. It only summons a cardboard cutout.

          Adores: 1
    • 2012 January 14
      valarie permalink

      David Carradine, David Carradine, David Carradine!

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 January 14

        7 of 9, 7 of 9, 7 of 9!

        Adores: 0
        • 2012 January 14

          Linda Lovelace, Linda

          *CRACK!!*

          OWW!! Quit it Windrose!

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 January 14
          Windrose permalink

          Let that be a lesson to you! Wait until I get David Bowie here, then you can use the magic person retrieving device.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 January 14

          But he’ll sing! And do that stupid hand gesture thing that makes me think he’s replaying a dogfight he saw on MW3! You know, the one he does in EVERY video! AAAUUGGGGHHHH!!!

          Adores: 2
    • 2012 January 14

      Coati, koala, coati, koala, coati, koala…

      Koala, quoll; quoll, koala…

      Kaka, kea, kakapo!

      (That’s what I’ve been up to lately; that last link is especially for Windrose.)

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 January 15
        Windrose permalink

        That was awesome, Isaac. Very Cool! 8)

        Adores: 0
  12. 2012 January 14

    So, Sparky, you gotten your £1,000,000.00 yet? If not, I’ll pay you $5 + shipping. I could use some extra shelves.

    Adores: 1
  13. 2012 January 15
    Windrose permalink

    Hammy, valari, kelli, and Bianchi, you have been here before. You have held the secrets of the universe in your hands, You have received this special message: Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Anchiano!

    Adores: 1

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