Hi. Welcome to You Suck at Craigslist, a site where I make fun of poorly constructed Craigslist ads.
What? What’s that you say? You’re wondering why I’m stating that, when it’s perfectly obvious what the site is?
As it turns out, perfectly obvious might not be obvious enough to some people, as evidenced by an email I got (exchange is behind a cut, as it’s relatively long):
selling ford truck – $1200
$1200 obo this has been a good truck for me but i have to sell it because i cant ever get to it with all of the bees around it they have been in and around it for almost 2 months now and i havent been able to get near 5 feet or else i get stung and im sick of it i still have welts from months ago stingings and i cant even get to work because i cant get to my truck so i have to sell it test drives at ur own risk i cant go with you too many bees
Sara and Geoff both sent this one in. Sara points out that apparently bee stings cause a lack of punctuation.
I really … just … wow. If anyone has always wanted a truck that has had thousands of bees living in it for months, here’s your opportunity.
Martha is a regular and long-time contributor to YSaC (she has her own tag!), and she sent in this account of her real-life adventures on Craigslist:
So I’m actually trying to barter my ridiculously expensive kayak for central air. Here’s the ad I found…
BARTER ****You need a CENTRAL A/C or FURNACE ? (Rosemount , Farmington, Hampton)
********BARTER HVAC SKILLS for cash **********Or ?
Heating , Venting , Air Conditioning
Central Air —- 13 seer 2 ton Central Air Unit $775.00
A-Coils as low as $195.00
Furnaces — 80% 70,000 Btu $578.00 FREE DELIVERY , FREE DISPOSAL with install Ready to ——– ” GET ER DONE ” ——- CALL xxx-xxx-8082
So I email the guy, and here’s the ensuing email trail:
Hi,
I have this ad out on Craigslist (http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/bar/xxxxxxxxxx.html) and am interested in bartering for C/A installed on my (small) home. All ductwork is in place, all that would be needed is a slab and unit.
Please let me know if you are interested, it seems like it would be a fair trade.
Thanks,
Martha
— On Mon, 4/27/09, CentralAirAsshat@juno.com wrote:
From: CentralAirAsshat@juno.com
Subject: Central Air Our Reply ! !
To: xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, April 27, 2009, 4:15 PM
Barter my CENTRAL AIR SKILLS for CASH.
Really have no need for a KAYAK.
When you sell your KAYAK then email.
Your Phone Number and City you live in.
So we can get your CENTRAL AIR installed.
Looking forward to serving you.
Thanks
From: “Martha F”
To: “CentralAirAsshat@juno.com”
You do know that BARTERING means for goods, not cash, right? You should really remove your ad from the barter section, since you are really just advertising your services for CASH ONLY (which is selling).
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/barter
Looking forward to not doing business with you.
Martha says, “I really had to hold myself back from calling him a moron. And I never heard back from him, but this jackhole is still posting the same ads. Apparently he didn’t check the dictionary link.”
Thanks, Martha! I hope you get your kayak bartered AND your central air installed.
2 piece Sofa(Good Condition – $45)
Good price and good condition.
(Each price $45)
Please, email me.(pick up &cash only)
Amy sends this one in, saying, ” ‘Round these parts, we call it ‘chairs’.”
So wait a minute … it’s $45 for the 2-piece sofa, or $45 each? Man, I can’t decide which is a better deal.
This was posted in writing gigs:
Creative Writer
In an need of a creative writer, the item is Area rugs and carpets.
Please send quotes
We’ve got some creative people here — even though this ad isn’t very inspirational (or, for that matter, informative), let’s see what we can come up with! Area rugs and carpets — ready, set, write!
[Sent in by fly_girl_5000 — thanks!]
looking for the perfect woman – 28
im a single dad looking for a well off woman with a career, and a nice house. You must not have a problem being the primary breadwinner. I enjoy traveling so earning enough to do that frequently is a must. Im a nice guy love to hang out and just relax. Im 28, i cant cook, clean, or do laundry. Perhaps i could learn. I’m very efficient on a computer, and xbox. I have no formal education, and I enjoy to drink. Dont do any drugs, so dont worry about that. If you are interested we could set up and interview, and see if your right for the job.
Translation: I’m looking for someone who can support me in the manner in which I wish to become accustomed.
Thank goodness he doesn’t do drugs, so that won’t get in the way of his not doing anything else around the house but drinking and playing xbox games.
Also, maybe it’s just me, but it seems to me that if you’re looking to become a kept man, shouldn’t you be the one being interviewed?
