You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 296: The line forms to the right.

Written by

drmk

in

looking for the perfect woman – 28

im a single dad looking for a well off woman with a career, and a nice house. You must not have a problem being the primary breadwinner. I enjoy traveling so earning enough to do that frequently is a must. Im a nice guy love to hang out and just relax. Im 28, i cant cook, clean, or do laundry. Perhaps i could learn. I’m very efficient on a computer, and xbox. I have no formal education, and I enjoy to drink. Dont do any drugs, so dont worry about that. If you are interested we could set up and interview, and see if your right for the job.

Translation: I’m looking for someone who can support me in the manner in which I wish to become accustomed.

Thank goodness he doesn’t do drugs, so that won’t get in the way of his not doing anything else around the house but drinking and playing xbox games.

Also, maybe it’s just me, but it seems to me that if you’re looking to become a kept man, shouldn’t you be the one being interviewed?

Comments

32 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 296: The line forms to the right.”

  1. Sarah Jane Avatar
    Sarah Jane

    At least he can spell and form a sentence. After some of the ‘LULZ!!!!!!’ entries on cl, it was almost refreshing reading that one.

    1. Sarah Jane Avatar
      Sarah Jane

      Proper sentence forming and mad xbox skillz- setting the bar lower every day!

      1. Amaia Avatar
        Amaia

        Lord, between YSAC and Date Wrecks, I’d better watch myself or I’m going to settle for someone just because they know how to use spell-check.

  2. Amy H. Avatar
    Amy H.

    The title of the ad needs to be “looking for a new mommy.” Just in time for Mother’s Day!

    1. TastyPrawn Avatar
      TastyPrawn

      Ha, I came here to make a similar comment but you beat me to it. I agree– it sounds like he just wants a mama.

  3. K Avatar
    K

    How can you be 28 years old and not know how to do laundry? Is it really that hard to do?
    Must have been too busy xboxing to ask mommy how to.

  4. misstephani Avatar
    misstephani

    Wow! I wonder if this is my ex! He was a worthless POS too…

  5. Mandee Avatar
    Mandee

    “. . .very efficient on a computer and xbox.”

    Like that is an accomplishment! And it’s possible that he can’t cook, but it should have read, “I can’t cook, and don’t want to clean or do laundry” because my 2 year old can do laundry.

  6. Courtney Avatar
    Courtney

    What I think is funny is that he doesn’t even sell himself – he’s like “I can’t do anything – and what I can do, I don’t do.” Not “I’m a handsome man, an amazing lover, will cater to your every whim.” Just that he’s a “nice guy.” Of course, we all know that translates directly to “jackass.”

  7. Callisto Avatar
    Callisto

    Efficient at computer and Xbox, huh? Not proficient, but efficient. I guess that means he can use them both at the same time, just not very well.

  8. Jill Avatar
    Jill

    I have the sneaking suspicion that this was written by my ex …

  9. Ellen Avatar
    Ellen

    I’m so glad he loves “to hang out and just relax.” For a moment there, I was afraid he would overexert himself with the computer and Xbox.

    So let me guess: he and his kid live at his mom’s house & she’s asking him to move out?

    Or maybe this is an experiment to see how low women are willing to go? Man, I hope no one answers his ad.

  10. kristen55 Avatar
    kristen55

    “I enjoy traveling so earning enough to do that frequently is a must.” Taht’s the BEST part šŸ™‚ If earning enough to do that is a must, I’m afraid I would invite him to get off his ass and start earning it.

    Beyond ‘single dad’ there was no mention of the kid whatsoever.

  11. manz Avatar
    manz

    I think everyone’s missing the joke. There is no way that anyone would write that thinking someone would apply. The tone is way too tongue-in-cheek for that. He wrote it on a lark, or an ex-girlfriend wrote it for him in anger.

    1. Martha Avatar
      Martha

      Or he’s seen this site….

    2. Canaduck Avatar
      Canaduck

      Boy do I hope you’re right.

    3. Amy H. Avatar
      Amy H.

      I agree that it’s probably just a jest. However, becuase this sounds exactly like an ex of mine (and several other posters as well) we know that there are some guys out there that could easily stoop this low.

      1. kristen55 Avatar
        kristen55

        I wouldn’t put it past a guy to just be hopeful and say ‘hey, maybe I’ll put it out there and get lucky’. I’ve seen enough weird stuff on CL, I would believe anything…

    4. Count Blah Avatar
      Count Blah

      I agree…it’s probably a total joke. Either that or the guy is being totally honest about who he is and what he wants on the off chance that some idiot will actually take him up on it.

  12. corn flakes Avatar
    corn flakes

    Isn’t being Xbox efficient like being talented at watching tv or a professional-level napper?

  13. Miki Avatar
    Miki

    I think we need a new tag… Something along the lines of, “How are you still single?”

  14. NevelC Avatar
    NevelC

    Hey. I give the guy credit for not having any other requirements for his woman other than that she make a lot of money. She doesn’t have be under 28 or a total hottie, or even height weight proportionate. As long as she has some dough, he’s ready to let her support him.

    What a guy.

  15. Tonya Avatar
    Tonya

    He enjoys drinking, huh? You don’t say……

  16. JB Avatar
    JB

    I really think this is a play on most of the W4M adds out there. If I saw this posting in the W4M I wouldn’t think anything of it. Minus the xbox part of course.

    1. K.T. Avatar
      K.T.

      There is many a woman who is proficient (or, as he says, “efficient”) with the Xbox and more.

      1. K.T. Avatar
        K.T.

        “Is many”? Maybe that should be “are many”. I actually don’t know. Huh.

      2. JB Avatar
        JB

        I agree, you just don’t normally see it listed in her add. Most of the the other things he states are hinted at in many W4M adds.

  17. sumguy Avatar
    sumguy

    I’d say he’s pretty spot-on in describing the perfect woman šŸ™‚

  18. AngloAm Avatar
    AngloAm

    “Im 28, i cant cook, clean, or do laundry.”

    Or use apostrophes.

    “Iā€™m very efficient on a computer, and xbox.”

    = I exert the minimum amount of energy possible.

    If anyone does reply to him, I sure hope he’s either incredibly handsome and hunky or least a multiskilled lover. Why do I doubt both, though?

  19. Champerz Avatar
    Champerz

    Wait, is this my ex-bf??!

  20. Lisahhh Avatar
    Lisahhh

    I once divorced a 28 year old man who spent his days drinking while playing video games. By the time I’d get home at 6:00 from my professional job in the City, he’d be sloshed, but oh-so-proud that he’d reached Level 10 in Mario Brothers.

    To top it off, HE was the one with a humongous trust fund. At 23, I just couldn’t see myself living the rest of my life like that, much less having children… Poor & happy trumps rich and fucked up.

  21. Mesila Avatar
    Mesila

    That does it. I’m going to go post a Craigslist ad just so I can say “Must be a head, no clean/sober types, please.” (And realistically speaking, no drunken louts or crackheads, either. “Drugs” means a wide range of things, not all of which entail the same sorts of behaviors.)

    This dude seems like the textbook definition of what the average person believes a pothead spends his or her life doing. I just realized something: these idiots proudly trumpet that they ‘don’t do drugs’ because they’ve got so many other black marks against them, they think that their non-use of drugs is somehow going to make up for it all, just on general principle!

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