You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: unrealistic expectations

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCIX

    Having a hard time in the grocery store – 36

    I have alot of grocery shopping to do and the last time I went there I felt uncomfortable pushing the cart around because women are supposed to push the grocery cart. So being a bachelor I’m trying to stack everything in my arms and it isn’t working very well and I’m dropping things and grunting through the store hauling way too many groceries by hand. It was awful and I had to come back two days later and dop it all over again. (I’m a big fellow who eats alot of food.)

    I’m looking for an attractive lady to push my cart in the grocery store while I shop. You must be attractive because people will think you are my wife or girlfriend if you are pushing my grocery cart. And while I do enjoy being a bachelor and dating freely, if you are really good at pushing my cart I’d be glad to keep you around for a while and possibly even sleep with you or take you out for burgers. So please no one older than 25 and no larger women.

    As compensation for your time I might buy you a few loaves of bread or something from your grocery list.

    Please reply with a pic so I can see if you are good looking enough to play the part of wifey while I shop. Also I’m white so unless maybe you are some kind of Asian it wouldn’t look right for you to be pushing my cart around for me. People would talk if I was with a darker girl. Also I usually date women with a bigger bust so unless you have a really pretty face and a really petite figure you should probably have a decent bust size. And no kids please, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking they were mine. Plus I just don’t date women with kids for obvious reasons.

    So many offensive assumptions and stereotypes, so few brains.

    I’m almost tempted to respond to this and offer to be his cart lackey just so I can “accidentally” clip his ankles with it as I dutifully follow closely behind. Besides, I might get a loaf of bread, a burger, and/or some crappy sex out of it.

    That’s it. I’ve threatened to do it before, but I have to now. I’m adding an “asshat” tag.

    Sent in by Catherine — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXC

    Wanted Editor For My Book

    I am in process of writing and publishing my frist book. I need an experience editor who willing to do it for free. Since I don’t have much money. It about helping people to understand about pit bulls and others breeds how they can make great pet etc and common myths about them. Thanks.

    It’s certainly hard to argue that they desperately need an editor. Let’s start with an editor for their Craigslist post and then work our way up …

    Wanted: Editor For My Book

    I am in the process of writing and publishing my frist first book. I need an experienced editor who is willing to do it for free. S since I don’t have much money. It‘s about helping people to understand about pit bulls and others breeds; I want to show how that they can make great pets etc and discuss common myths about them. Thanks.

    Actually, I would rearrange the paragraph so that the third sentence is second, since the word “It’s” is referring to book, and not editor.

    On second thought, no thanks. Something tells me that book would be a lot of work.

    Submitted by Sara from over at It’s Lovely! I’ll Take It!, which I must admit was one of the blogs that gave me the idea for this one. Thanks, Sara!

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXII

    Junk around house

    [address]

    xxx.xxxx.xxxx

    Must have 4 wheeler to get to property.

    I’m aware that there are people who specialize in salvage, but don’t you think this is a little … ambitious? “Here’s years worth of crap that I’ve left lying around outside my house … come take it away for me and I won’t pay you for doing it.”

    The only thing missing in that pile is a vacuum cleaner. It might be fun to go Office Space on the printer though. (Warning: music NSFW.)

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXIX

    Sex Coaching for Women and Couples – Free!! m4mw – m4w – 47

    Does your sex life go like this?
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXV

    This is behind a cut because it’s long. Trust me, it’s worth it though!

    All the tenants I interview aren’t good enough

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXIII

    tax deduction

    do you need a tax dedution? my daughter needs her teeth pulled. she is in her 20 and she needs all her teeth pulled. if you know a dentist that will do charity work or if you want to help her and take it as a tax dedution let us know. thank you

    Candace sends this one along with this note: “I wonder if I show up with some pliers and Tylenol…do you think that would count as helping? I was just telling my friend the other day, “You know, I love to pull teeth, and I could really use a nice dedution!”

    Hm.

    So many questions, so few capital letters. Okay, first: what is a 20, and why is your daughter in hers? I mean, I know what a 40 is, but I don’t think I could fit in that, much less in a bottle half that size.

    Second, what on earth have you been feeding your daughter if she is in her 20s and needs all of her teeth pulled? I’m guessing this might be the very first time this poor girl has been to a dentist in her entire life.

    Third: how exactly do you propose to have your daughter eat afterwards? You do realize you’re going to need to replace those missing teeth with something, right?

    Fourth: how would this qualify as a tax deduction? As far as I know, you’re only allowed to deduct medical expenses for qualified dependents. Would paying for someone else to have their teeth removed qualify as charity? If so, would anyone out there be willing to pony up for me to have liposuction? You can deduct it from your taxes! (Note: I am not a qualified tax preparer, and this statement should not be considered as tax preparation advice.)

    Fifth, and possibly most important: how did this person manage to spell “deduction” right in the headline, and misspell it twice in the ad itself?