You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: speeling prolbems

  • YSaC, Vol. 397: Childhood is priceless. Childcare, not so much.

    need a sitter for 11:00 – $20

    sitter fell through earlier and i have to be at work at 12. my friend will be off at 5 and will come get my son right after. my son plays well with other kids. everyone tells me he’s an angel. and if you dont have kids of your own dont bother calling . and if youre a weirdo, you should be scared. i’ll only trust another mother. if you could come get him that woiuld be great, but i’ll make my way to you if theres no other way. and my name is xxxx by the way. thanks xxx xxx xxxx

    1. You’re offering someone $20 to watch your kid from 11-5 pm. In other words, the price you’re putting on your angel-child’s well-being is $3.33/hr.
    2. Oh, that’s right, you’re also offering to let a stranger pick your child up and take him away with them.
    3. I didn’t realize that mother and weirdo were mutually exclusive categories.
    4. For extra bonus hilarity, you posted this at 9:30 am, and you think you have the ability to be picky.

    I didn’t think it would be possible to find a worse offer than that, but of course I did. This one was from kijiji.com:

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 391: Did I mention it’s a touching story about a boy and his dog?

    writter to needed

    I have the plot and the outline for one of the best novels to be wriiten. I need a writter who will be able to put the plot together . The book will be one of the best sellers when released

    See, there’s this guy, and he accidentally stumbles upon this conspiracy. And there’s a hot girl who happens to be a scientist, and she doesn’t believe him at first but then realizes he’s right and falls in love with him. And they keep encountering these people who they think they can trust, but some of them turn out to be vampires, and the vampires go to this school where they learn to do magic. And this one vampire is alienated from her family, and there’s a subplot about how she learns to trust her estranged vampire father again. But then the vampire father turns out to be a time traveler, and is part of the conspiracy theory against the other guy. And at the very end, the boat sinks.

    Thanks to Skye for sending in this ad!

  • YSaC, Vol. 388: Tonight, Judas will be played by Miffy.

    I like my little sweet peas..share your pets with me

    I just wanted to share and get word out to everyone, that me and brenda mullins, I am jack mullins have puppet pet shows in our home. You can bring your little snuggle bunny to participate but a $10 fee will apply. We have church related shows that are geared to the well being of the animal for its spiritual side and we even baptitize for $100. We take donations here in our trailer, I live w/ mrs mullins, my mom, and do have stuffed animals for sale ranging from $25 – $550.00.

    Here is a pic of my mee maw and a pic of me making and holding toys for the animals, well I gotta get ready for tonights show, I hope yall can come and help save a animal and keep it on the spiritual path.

    I love you. Jack Mullins

    I love you too, Jack Mullins, but ours is the love that dare not speak its name. You see, our love is forbidden because my life’s mission is to prevent people from dressing their animals up in clothing. You seem to not only be doing that, but charging people for the privilege of doing so, and then subjecting the animals to being participants in strange religiously-based pet puppet shows.

    Is there really a big problem with heathen animals? I mean, other than hermit crabs, because those things are obviously Satan’s minions.

    And am I the only wondering whether the “stuffed animals” they’re offering for sale are fabric animals or taxidermied versions of the animals who kept missing their lines in Lent’s Passion Play? Have you ever tried to teach a Siamese cat Latin? It’s not pretty.

    This was sent in by Allison — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 387: Hand me that bag, I’m going to puce.

    2 Lazyboy recling chairs like new! Must sell ASAP!!!! want gone today – $150

    I am selling 2 lazyboy recliners, these are like new! One of them swivels, rocks, and reclines and the other one rocks,and reclines. I want theses gone ASAP!!!! Iwould like them gone today!!! both are the same color ( light kacki ) Please let me know if any questions. Please if interested make a reasonable offer and there yours!!!

    Naomi sends in this ad, with the following commentary:
    “Now, there are a couple of things you should notice about these chairs.  First, of course, is that they are recling.  So if you have ever wanted to recle in a chair, now is your chance.  You might not know about recling, but it is what you are doing when you are not being reckless, of course.

    “Second, there are two chairs, but they look like three, and they all take up the exact same space in the seller’s living room.  Don’t ask how — they are trained professionals; don’t try this at home.

    “Then, of course, there is the lovely kacki color.  If you’re not familiar, this is the color you turn on a bumpy plane ride, as in ‘Are you OK?’  ‘No, I’m feeling a little kacki.’

    “Apparently, the sale of these magical kacki recling chairs has something to do with the seller’s frustration over graduate school, because s/he wants theses gone as soon as possible.”

    Recling. Surely that’s just someone making a one-off typo in the title, right? I mean, they got it right in the ad itself, so surely nobody else would make that mistake, right?

    I have recling and other chair and 5 bucks for you

    hurry wont last at this price

    Oh. So, wait … I’ll get a recling, and a chair, AND $5? Is there any chance the recling is kacki?

    Second post courtesy of Martha F., who destroys my faith in humanity once again.

  • YSaC, Vol. 386: If you really loved me, you’d …

    One of a Kind Sideboard – $3000

    Decorator Redecorating!!!!! This is a one of a kind sideboard. Very ornate! It is hand carved with guilted gold, solid marble top is 60″long, 24″wide, 32″ high

    I know exactly what you’re thinking — how does one achieve the decorating nirvana of “guilted gold”?

    Well, we here at YSaC are all about education*, so I’ve done years worth of research into this particular phenomenon and am happy to share it with you.

    The process of guilting something in gold is very laborious. It involves my mother standing over it and saying things like, “Don’t worry about calling me, I know you’re busy” and “No, really, it’s okay that you got married without me there; you’re just my only daughter.”

    Eventually, the guilt builds up in layers. Done properly, the guilted gold shines so brightly that it reflects all of the disappointment on her face. (“All my friends have grandchildren.”) Once it’s completed, the sealing layer is applied (“Don’t mind me, I’ll just sit here in the retirement home in the dark”).

    So you can see what an intensive and soul-crushingly painstaking process guilting gold is. Really, would it kill you to pay $3,000 to keep your mother’s love intact? After all she’s done for you? Selfish ingrates.

    This post was sent in by Lesley — thanks!

    *This may not actually be true.

  • YSaC, Vol. 384: What if Veruca Salt used Craigslist?

    If you’re advertising on Craigslist looking for someone’s services, maybe it’s best not to be a jerk about it:

    NEED a Proven tato artist whos great and affordable

    need someone whos not a creep or a phony. willing to pay up to $200 for one tatoo on both arms. this will be permenet obviously, so I want it to be as close to perfection as possible. willing to negotiate price if tatoo artist i super good. email, txt pictures of past personal drawings ( i will make sure you YOURSELF drew them. I wil also check your ID to make sure its you, and body check before you enter my place making sure you dont have shit on you. call me asap. seriously, the first person who calls will get a fair chance. the tatoo will happen at sunrise on the bay. I WANT A MIAMI DOLPHINS LOGO (they are my favorite team, if you have a problem with that then enjoy not making money. I also want a tattoo that reads LEENOY but in Biblical Hebrew text surrounded by some design. If you know, speak, or read hebrew thats a plus. please respond soon. thanks! want ears pierced too. if you have own credit card thing that be awesome, if not well go to to ATM AFTERHAND, I WILL NOT PAY BEFORE IM SATISFIED WITH THE TATTOOS. xxx-xxx-xxxx. if your a joker, ill block ur number

    How can you make sure that someone drew something? Would you say, “Here, draw this again in front of me, so that I knew you drew this”? And I’m not exactly up on the current rates for tattoos, but doesn’t $200 for two tattoos and two piercings seem a little low to you?

    Have you considered all that rontatooman could offer you?

    I need a therapist – w4m – 25

    If you have a degree in psychology or counseling and you are just so sick of getting paid to listen to someone complain and you want to her some one cry for free you should write to me. I was just dumped by my boyfriend after he found out I was sexually assaulted by one of his roommates. His other roommate is my best friend who happens to be dating my attacker and now she wont talk to me either. I recently graduated and can’t find a job. I just put my home on the market and I’ve got no place to go.

    If you’ve got a should that’s longing to be soaked with tears let me know.

    384

    That’s right, if you’re a trained, licensed therapist and you’re sick of getting paid to listen to people complain, why not do it for free?

    (I’m not saying that this person doesn’t need some help — if she was assaulted, she should definitely talk to authorities — but this is probably not the way to go about it. You know, versus free clinics and the like.)

    Possibly even more oddly, this was posted in Strictly Platonic. One wonders what her relationship with other therapists has involved.

    Thanks to Kimberly for the demanding tattoo recipient ad and to Aunty Christ for the therapy ad!