You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: Ow! My eyes!

  • YSaC, Vol. 370: I’m too sexy for my …

    Stripper clothes for sale 4 outfits – $100

    only accept paypal will ship anywhere once payment is received
    some only worn a few times. out of the business no longer need them.

    I’m trying to imagine a stripper routine that would involve unhooking a corset. Those things are terribly fussy. Someone apparently forgot to tell this person the difference between skimpy and sexy. Also, who knew that strippers could only wear pink?

    LOOKING FOR A EXOTIC DANCE/POLE PARTNER

    IM 35 AND STUDYING THE ART OF EXOTIC/POLE DANCING AND WANTED TO FIND SOMEONE WHO USE TO /OR IS CURRENTLY A EXOTIC/POLE DANCER/TEACHER.(MALE OR FEMALE)..THAT CAN SHOW ME OR STUDY WITH ME……ITS BORING WHEN YOUR STUDYN ALONE…..PLZ CONTACT MS. LIBRA@xxxxxxxxxx…PS…EVEN MATERIALS FOR LEARNING LIKE BOOKS,POLES, STRIPPER SHOES,ETC WILL BE A BLESSING….SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY….!!!!! DONT CALL IF YOUR PLAYING AROUND……

    Do you need some stripper clothes? Do you like pink? Are you shaped like a piece of plywood? ‘Cause if so, I think I can hook you up.

  • YSaC, Vol. 354: The confert will kill you.

    free set of couch

    i have a confertable set of couches that i give away, this couches are in fear condition. but is free no purchase so come and pick up. bring truck and someone can help you . [address]. call before you come. you can come from 6 p.m to 8 p.m but call firts.

    354a354b354c354d

    Lindsay sends this one in, saying:

    “*ring ring* Yes, hello, Firts? Hi there, Firts, I’m calling about the free set of couch. Is they still available? Ah, wonderful. Now tell me something, Firts, is they indeed as confertable as you say? When you mention fear condition, are we talking Nightmare on Elm Street fear or The Grudge 2 fear? There’s a huge difference, you know. And how is it that I’m able to call you when you don’t list your phone number?”

    Thanks, Lindsay, although I think you’re being a little hard on poor Firts. He’s obviously in a fear condition over those ugly couches. And it’s obvious how you’re able to call him — the call is coming from inside the house!

    Anyway, since I’m all about philanthropy and doing good deeds here at YSaC, I’ve matched Firts — who has couches he’s clearly afraid of and would like to give away — with the fellow in this next post:

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 332: … in the octopus’s garden, on her leg …

    realscumbag rontatooman – $160

    im writing about aman ron who lives at 172lampman ave he took my money and left my tatoo undone on my back right leg my son had a tatoo don saturday he had to go to the hospital because he got a bad staph infection from it the docter had to put him on antibotic pill and a antibotic cream all so this man is a real scumbag and areal asshole to take advantage of a woman who lives on a fixed income if some one could call me at xxx xxx xxxx an make arrangemts to com tomy houseand finish it forme iwould liketo get acall all i have is theout lineof the octoupuss head and the tresserchest and astar fish inthe front he was goingto make it look like it was a underwater ocean seen i have the dolphin onthe in side of the rightleg and on theouterside there is a seen with asunset water palmtrees and ocean water and two dolphins one jumping over the other one i just need the octoupuss finished and all the tentekils puton colored with megenta and pink colors and the treasurechestdon and the scubadiver putonn so maby someone will call me but i would not recomend no to go to 172lampman ave and have eney work don by ron

    Ow. My brain hurts. Octoupuss? Tentekils? What is with the random lack of spaces between some words [theouterside], extra spaces within things that should be words [all so], and random spaces WITHIN words [theout lineof]?

    How many right legs does she have? Doesn’t saying you have a back right leg sort of imply that there’s a front right leg as well?

    And here’s a thought: Call me crazy, but maybe if you’re on a fixed income, you and your son shouldn’t be getting elaborate tattoos?

    [Edited to add: with spizzlefish’s prompting in the comments below, I realized that “rontatooman” anagrams to “or an ottoman“. Yes, I’m easily amused, why do you ask?]

    DW, thanks for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 329: It’s the rare dolphin swan.

    Swan fountain – $75

    the picture describes this delicate water fountain better than I can… call Donna at xxx xxx-xxxx

    Donna is right about one thing — the picture definitely describes the delicate swan water fountain better than she can, given that IT’S A LAMP WITH DOLPHINS ON IT.

    Seriously? Not. A. Swan.

    Thanks to Meg for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 304: Oooh, I’m deail-oieed! Pick me!

    Another listing from kajiji.com:

    Development Internship

    Job Title: Development Internship
    Job Code: 62707
    Location: Beverly Hills, CA

    Job Description: Awad Wiig Poducio Compay seeks ceaive ad moivaed developme ies, wih good compue skills ad kowledge of PHOTOSHOP, EXCEL,WORD, ad WEB DESiGN. Cadidaes mus be deail-oieed, ad skilled a efficie muliaskig. Mus have a ca ad good phoe maes. Ie mus be self-moivaed wih good ceaive juice ad good disposiio. Mus have a ca, 4-5 hous a day 3 imes a week, we will wok aoud you school schedule. Wa o lea moe abou he ceaive pocess of he TV/FILM Idusy ad ge a lo of oe o oe aeio? Souds like fu?The e-mail a sho message abou youself, you school, you coac ifo, ad aach a esumeResposibiliies iclude assisig wih geeal office duies, help maiai ad impleme ew ideas fo ou websie. Wie coveage, email ad pos o websie, ad blog sie. All of hese duies deal wih coe, compleed episodes , wokig o a movie almos fom scach. Please ell Globalkid Vid & Film Facoy ha you foud he lisig a Coac: PLEASE NO PHONE CALLS VIA- EMAIL IS PREFFERED. Via email: melaie@xxxxxxx.comThis employe will accep you esume as ex i body of emailThis employe will accep you esume as a aachme &bsp; Please ell Globalkid Vid & Film Facoy ha you foud he lisig a View all he lisigs fomGlobalkid Vid & Film Facoy Pie Fiedly VesioEmail his o a fied

    Elle sends this one in, saying, “I would think that the “n,” “t,” and “r” keys weren’t working, except the title and one sentence toward the end are spelled perfectly. Maybe this is part of the interview process – you must be proficient at deciphering ridiculous web-speak?”

    Well, not exactly perfectly, since they misspelled preferred (I know, I’m a pedant) … but it does seem as though the capital letters work (note the T in PHOTOSHOP, the R in WORD, and the N in DESiGN, and elsewhere). How very odd. Souds like fu, indeed. I’ve heard of disemvoweling, but this is ridiculous.

    I was eally emped o wie a log paagaph ad delee he same lees ha wee missig i he pos, jus o make you deciphe he ex some moe, bu I would eve do ha o you lovely people. Uless you sed i moe submissios, of couse!

  • YSaC, Vol. 291: No, seriously. What. The. Hell.

    This post contains eight incredibly bizarre pictures of a NSFW coffee table. No, really. You have been warned.
    (more…)