You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: unrealistic expectations

  • YSaC, Vol. 351: But it’s Canadian money, so it’s worth $2.50.

    3 thousnad dollars For Help – 35

    Hello!
    I’m ready to pay any woman willing to help me having my permanent residence,
    If you’r looking for more please tell me email me and leave me a phone number to joing you.

    351

    Andrea sends in this listing from Montreal, saying, “I mean, seriously, if your future depends on trying to break immigration laws by paying a woman to marry you so you can stay in the country, you’d think you could at least take the time to 1) spell check your ad, 2) make said ad understandable, and 3) find a photo of yourself where you don’t look like an asshat wannabe gangsta with mental problems.”

    You also might want to spend a little less time photoshopping bling into your picture.

  • YSaC, Vol. 340: I think I’m turning … Part 2.

    This was posted in the personals section of the Osaka Craigslist:

    Hi – 28

    Im a single guy looking for a japanese women whos single and willing to relocate. I work full time for [name] hight school its good pay but great benifits. Im also an auto painter by trade so i like to stay buesy. I got a little shop ware i do my paint work when needed or when i want alittle extra cash. But the school is my maine job and is a state job and will get a pesion when i retier and i do invest into a 403k. Im doing ok for my age. that my work life.

    I enjoy movies and walks and going out for a bite to eat. I love all music as long as i can understand what thare trying say. I realy enjoy the import car seen i love imports so i need an import wife in my life lol (^V^) that will top me off i think. At this moment i share a home with my mother her and my father are going threw a brake up or devorces if u like. So im liveing with her to help her on some of her payments untile shes clear of them. I do drink but im not an every dayer and i smok i stoped for six months and just started agin. What was i thinking? I also enjoy sports indy car raceing and amrican foot ball and hockey. I played hockey all most my hole life.
    Im only going to reply to pic with photos and no site links. Im looking for some one real. If you know some english thats a pluse but i do not juge people my thare lingo.

    Other than that i to meet someone from japyland.

    Please write some stuff about your self so i know your real and seroues to.

    If you are a japanese women who is (are?) willing to relocate to a relatively small town in upstate NY to be with someone who works for a high school, you might want answers to the following questions:

    1. What is his “maine” job at the high school? And what is a 403k? I’ve heard of 401(k)s, and 403(b)s, but this appears to be some combination of the two.
    2. Import car = import wife. Nice. Do you expect to be able to trade her in after she’s got a few thousand miles on her?

    I really hope he’s not a teacher. He doesn’t “juge people my thare lingo.” Too bad I do.

    And … really? japyland? If he’s lucky, maybe she can teach him the Asian language.

    Thanks to Ems for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 338: Then again, my baby pictures ARE kind of embarrassing …

    Old photos and letters (home)

    Possablly free please since its for school and work. I need old photos for a project and i would take care of them. I mean old letters and photos from before 1980’s. I am hoping i can get for free and possablly keep if that be ok. If not i would give back. Please tell me in an email what you got and how many. and if you want them back or not. P.S.
    If you dont let me use them and possablly keep them for free i cant work with it sorry i dont have money to spend thats why i hope free please.
    P.S.
    Photos of the items in an email first so i see if it is usable. I need these so bad. My HS grade depends on them plus my college grade.

    A couple of things here:

    1. Since when did pre-1980s become OLD? [Now get the hell off my lawn, you damned kids.]
    2. How can both a high school grade AND a college grade depend on whether or not you can find someone to give you/loan you old photographs and letters? How can it be for school and work? What kind of project is this?
    3. How can someone possibly spell possibly as possablly? And possibly more important, how can that person possibly go to college?

    I can just see someone thinking to themselves, “You know, we don’t actually USE those letters that Grandpa wrote to Grandma while he was in the Army during the war … let’s let this nice kid have them for his project so he can pass high school and college.”

    Thanks to Martha — seriously, Martha, WHAT is wrong with people where you live?

  • YSaC, Vol. 322: I think I’m turning Asianese, I really think so …

    asian or oriental tutor needed today

    This evening asap i need a asian or oreintal person to teach me the asian language. I pay $10 an hour. Send me your contact information and i will call you.

    Kaitlin says, “I can’t pick a favorite part: The poster’s need to clarify a difference between Asian and Oriental (or oreintal, I don’t know, maybe he pronounces it differently), needing to know THE asian language, needing to learn the language in ONE night, or pondering over what the poster could possibly need it for.”

    Chris also sent this one in, with a theory: he says, “Anything to book that Flower Drum Song audition, right?”

    I’m sure it will only take a few hours to master Asian. After all, something like eight billion people speak it — how hard could it be?

  • YSaC, Vol. 319: At least he’s a self-aware dumbass.

    shy me – 22

    I’m a dumb ass , now i have to take a bus cause they took my dl(got one month left), have abit of a problem with a head and some of my friends tell me im an asshole ,got no front teeth, live in my parents basement ,never finish or if i think about it never stared the school that would explain my spelling(i thik the last homework i did was in 3 grade) and on top of it all just lost my job(god that looks bad)ha but so far in last six years that i spend in canada over all i did allrigt, i’m 5.11, 165pounds,still got my 6 (not like its matters)im white ,well fit ,grey eyes,with dirty blonde hair,intelegent inaf to realize the level of my personal stupidity,sick and tierd of the mind games shit,will not lie or betray.
    If some one ask me what i’m looking for in the girl i gona have to say that she must be well fit,able to think(i hate stupidity) and she cant be to much of a bitch everything else dont realy matter
    So if u think u can deal with the sad reality a have just presented send me an e mail and we go from there
    O ye i do have good sence of humor (i can laugh at my self)

    This is like a litany of personals sadness. Lost his drivers license, his friends think he’s a jerk, lives at home, dropped out of school, unemployed … wow. At least he claims he can laugh at himself. What’s the line from Hedwig and the Angry Inch? “I have to laugh … because I’ll cry if I don’t.” That seems apropos here.

    I think we might actually have to start that “I can’t imagine why you’re still single” tag. That’s a bit long, though — any suggestions about a shorter tag name?

  • YSaC, Vol. 311: Let him who has the fat wallet …

    authentic polaroid picture of jesus – $100000

    this photo was taken by my mom,she doesnt even know I have it,she is a die hard jesus fanatic every day all day.thats why I know its him,other than the fact that in the photo he is wearing a robe and a crown with a cross engraved in the middle of it with his hand extended toward my moms shoulder.there is also an angel above him wearing white gloves and she has wings.now for the special part. my moms deceast mother is next to the angel with her hands pressed together in a prayin position and theres a halo around her head.Theyre surrounding my mom.what makes this picture even more special to me is It saved my life . At the time that I most needed god the very first stack of photos that I picked up in search of him or any sign of afterlife and he gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for his son. I only ask that you look at it before you pass judgement, thank you.

    So, wait a minute … your mom is a “die hard Jesus fanatic”, yet you haven’t told her that a polaroid picture of her contains both Jesus AND her “deceast” mother? Wouldn’t this be something she might really want to know?

    And how does one authenticate pictures of Jesus? Is there a certification agency somewhere? Can you take it to the Antiques Roadshow people? I can just see Leslie and Leigh Keno waxing poetic about this picture of Jesus and zombie grandma.

    (And I’m amused, because way, way back in YSaC, Vol. X I threatened to start a zombie grandma tag, but didn’t think I’d ever get to use it again.)

    Thanks to Brian for sending this one in!