YSaC, Vol. 340: I think I’m turning … Part 2.

2009 June 22

This was posted in the personals section of the Osaka Craigslist:

Hi – 28


Im a single guy looking for a japanese women whos single and willing to relocate. I work full time for [name] hight school its good pay but great benifits. Im also an auto painter by trade so i like to stay buesy. I got a little shop ware i do my paint work when needed or when i want alittle extra cash. But the school is my maine job and is a state job and will get a pesion when i retier and i do invest into a 403k. Im doing ok for my age. that my work life.

I enjoy movies and walks and going out for a bite to eat. I love all music as long as i can understand what thare trying say. I realy enjoy the import car seen i love imports so i need an import wife in my life lol (^V^) that will top me off i think. At this moment i share a home with my mother her and my father are going threw a brake up or devorces if u like. So im liveing with her to help her on some of her payments untile shes clear of them. I do drink but im not an every dayer and i smok i stoped for six months and just started agin. What was i thinking? I also enjoy sports indy car raceing and amrican foot ball and hockey. I played hockey all most my hole life.
Im only going to reply to pic with photos and no site links. Im looking for some one real. If you know some english thats a pluse but i do not juge people my thare lingo.

Other than that i to meet someone from japyland.

Please write some stuff about your self so i know your real and seroues to.

If you are a japanese women who is (are?) willing to relocate to a relatively small town in upstate NY to be with someone who works for a high school, you might want answers to the following questions:

  1. What is his “maine” job at the high school? And what is a 403k? I’ve heard of 401(k)s, and 403(b)s, but this appears to be some combination of the two.
  2. Import car = import wife. Nice. Do you expect to be able to trade her in after she’s got a few thousand miles on her?

I really hope he’s not a teacher. He doesn’t “juge people my thare lingo.” Too bad I do.

And … really? japyland? If he’s lucky, maybe she can teach him the Asian language.

Thanks to Ems for the submission!

62 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 June 22

    Yeah, I’m living with my mom … to help her out with payments. Yeah, that’s the ticket, I’m helping her out.

    Adores: 1
  2. 2009 June 22

    I know you already have a ton of tags for this one, but I think you missed “asshat.”

    Adores: 8
    • 2009 June 22
      drmk permalink

      I did just add “still single?”. I’m not sure about “asshat” … what do all y’all think?

      Adores: 3
      • 2009 June 22
        jemmo permalink

        I’m torn between “asshat” and “just effing stupid.” He’s really ‘seroues’ about it, which makes me think he put some (shudder) thought into this and decided it would be a good idea.

        Also? If he actually works for a ‘hight’ school, this explains a lot of college admissions essays.

        Adores: 4
    • 2009 June 22

      Seconded–“Japyland” pushes it over into asshat territory.

      Adores: 4
      • 2009 June 22
        drmk permalink

        You’re right. I’d forgotten about “Japyland”. Asshat it is.

        Adores: 3
        • 2009 June 23
          kristen55 permalink

          As if the import wife to go with import car didn’t peg the ‘asshat’ meter.

          This one really hurts my brain to read. I know a lot of perfectly intelligent and literate car enthusiasts. In order to modify and work on modern cars you have to be pretty intelligent just to deal with all the computer controlled systems. Maybe he’s just been inhaling too many fumes at the paint shop.

          Adores: 2
  3. 2009 June 22

    I’m at a loss for words.

    Thare is a reesun sum peple are stille singul.

    Adores: 2
  4. 2009 June 22
    corn flakes permalink

    I totally understand where he’s coming from. Who doesnt base their relationship needs on cars.
    I have a vintage Volkswagen and i’ve had a lot of trouble finding a middle-aged German lady.

    “If you know some english thats a pluse”
    Because it’d be nice if someone in the relationship is a plus.
    Although, if she didn’t know english, how would she read the posting or respond?

    403k plans are only offered for High School employees in Maine…..i guess.

    I like the excuse he has for still living with his mom. Yeah, its because of a “brake up or devorces”.

    Adores: 12
    • 2009 June 22
      Colleen in MA permalink

      Holy smokes – you had me cracking up. I drive fairly new Mitsubishi. Does that mean I should be out trolling for a young Japanese youth to “top me off”? My husband may take issue with that.

      Adores: 9
    • 2009 June 23
      jackie31337 permalink

      “Although, if she didn’t know english, how would she read the posting or respond?”

      I know English, and I had a lot of trouble reading the posting. And I most certainly won’t be responding.

      Adores: 7
    • 2009 August 25
      tigprincess permalink

      How many car years to human years? Is it like dogs where 1 humanyear = 7 dog years? I’m curious since my 6 year old Peugeot means I’m either cradle-snatching or looking for a fit, French 42 year old… which sounds a good deal to me !

      Adores: 3
  5. 2009 June 22

    i woulda said yes till i noticed he shaved off his soul patch

    Adores: 1
  6. 2009 June 22
    Colleen in MA permalink

    Asshat? Oh, yes.

    “What was i thinking?”

    Indeed.

    Adores: 1
  7. 2009 June 22

    He did say that the school job is his “maine” job and that it is a state job, so maybe he’s not entirely off track. Maybe he teaches geography.

    Adores: 1
  8. 2009 June 22

    “her and my father are going threw a brake up or devorces if u like.”

    This line made me spit out my coffee. I have to remember to stop drinking while visiting YSaC.

    Adores: 1
  9. 2009 June 22
    dissimilitude permalink

    Possibly he should consider asking one of the teachers at the school where he’s on the cleaning/maintenance staff (I hope…) proofread his personal ads. On the tiny, tiny bright side, he realizes that “American football” is not the only kind.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 June 22
      MissBeckett permalink

      My reaction was also hoping he was a janitor. Because if he’s a teacher, all the children are doomed.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 August 19

        I’m 99% sure he is, our high school is actually pretty good, despite what his spelling and such might lead you to believe. They’re usually good at hiring people who dropped out or barely got out for temporary custodial duty.

        Adores: 1
  10. 2009 June 22
    Linnee permalink

    “I work full time for [name] hight school its good pay but great benifits.”
    Well at least the great benifits make up for the good pay. (because “but” and “and” are interchangeable, right?)

    “Other than that i to meet someone from japyland.” So relocate to upstate NY so I can meet you, and maybe we can both help my mother financially.

    Yes, asshat . Even in japyland he’d be an asshat.

    Adores: 2
  11. 2009 June 22

    If she knows some English, that would be a “pluse,” because then she could teach it to him.

    Adores: 15
  12. 2009 June 22

    OMG, what a fuckin’ LOOOOSER!!! XD

    Adores: 1
  13. 2009 June 22
    gtotheizzy permalink

    That just made my mind hurt.

    Adores: 1
  14. 2009 June 22
    Doug permalink

    Honestly. If she knows English well enough to understand what he’s trying to say in this ad, then she certainly has a better grasp on it than he does.

    Adores: 1
  15. 2009 June 22
    Lola permalink

    Presumably he’s looking for someone to teach him English.

    Adores: 1
  16. 2009 June 22
    DrugserBad permalink

    *reads post*

    *tries to come up with a single insult that would apply to all the errors witnessed*

    *head explodes*

    Adores: 2
  17. 2009 June 22

    And here’s the other thing: the translation software was not his friend here, either. He just ain’t all that bright in the first place, and then his original (badly written) missive was translated into Japanese, then back into English. Good God. You could probably just make a new tag for crap translations alone.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 June 22
      drmk permalink

      I don’t think there’s any translation software to blame here. It was posted in English originally.

      Adores: 3
  18. 2009 June 22

    Holy balls. I don’t even know where to start.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 June 22
      Heather permalink

      I know. I mean, “Japyland”…??? Humanity *is* doomed. God help us all.

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 June 22
        DrugserBad permalink

        And on top of it he’ll probably find someone as dumb as he is to reproduce with. We all know what happens when you multiply fractions.

        1/2 brain x 1/2 brain = 1/4 brain.

        Won’t someone think of the children?!

        Adores: 5
      • 2009 June 23
        corn flakes permalink

        I cant help but think of Japyland as an amusement park.

        …a creepy, offensive amusement park.

        Adores: 6
  19. 2009 June 22
    Mrphysic permalink

    ‘I love all music as long as i can understand what thare trying say.’

    Wow, that’s funny – I like all sucky Craigslist ads as long as I can understand what thare trying say……….sadly this ad doesn’t fall into that category.

    Adores: 3
  20. 2009 June 22

    /cries in the corner sucking her thumb

    Adores: 2
  21. 2009 June 22

    How does anyone even get to “seroues”.

    I could understand “serius,” or “searios,” or even “saireos,” but “seroues”? SER-OU-ES? Who even SAYS it like that? Is he just closing his eyes and hitting random keys? AUUUUGH.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 July 12
      Ryan permalink

      It could have gone something like this:

      “Mommmm!”

      “WHAT?!”

      “How do you spell serious?!”

      “With an o-u!”

      “Oh, yeah…that looks better.”

      Adores: 4
  22. 2009 June 23
    Nicky permalink

    I have to believe, for my own sanity, that this is fake…

    Adores: 1
  23. 2009 June 23
    jackie31337 permalink

    “If you know some english thats a pluse….” and maybe you can teach him some, too?

    Adores: 1
  24. 2009 June 23
    Michelle permalink

    Wow. That was seriously really effing RACIST. Grah. Why do some idiots think Japanese/any other specific ethnicity of “choice” women will be flattered that you only want her because she is Japanese/etc.??
    Grah. Asshat.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 June 24

      I agree–so creepy and offensive. One of my best friends is Chinese and she’s dealt with weird, random asshats approaching her for hot Asian-fetish sex her whole life. One guy offered her money because he’d “never had sex with an Asian girl before”, and another guy winked at her and said something along the lines of, “I hear Asians are really tight…is that true?” Unfortunately for all of us, she didn’t respond by punching his teeth in. 🙁

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 July 12
        Ryan permalink

        Clearly, she would have ninja-kicked his teeth in.

        Adores: 3
  25. 2009 June 23
    Charlie Everywhere permalink

    When I saw “I got a little shop ware I do my paint work…” my head actually involuntarily twitched to the side like someone nearby was singing a song and butchered a note.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 June 23
      drmk permalink

      Now I’m hearing that line as if “sung” by Fred Schneider from the B-52’s. Thanks for that.

      Adores: 5
  26. 2009 June 23
    Colleen in MA permalink

    This is off-topic – how do I add a profile pic to my responses?

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 June 23
      drmk permalink

      Set up a gravatar at gravatar.com. It’s associated with your email address.

      Adores: 0
  27. 2009 June 23
    Lola permalink

    And it’s to the tune of “Love Shack.” I can just hear it now.
    Oops, this should be up above, under the Fred Schneider comment.

    Adores: 1
  28. 2009 June 23
    That person permalink

    I teach English in Japan. Please (oh, please!) say I qualify!

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 August 25
      tigprincess permalink

      You would go to him with all our blessings (and phone numbers in case of having to helicopter you out of the relationship!) in the hopes you could help him become more like a human being who could after years and years attempt to write English.

      Adores: 1
  29. 2009 July 11
    Misha permalink

    Dear God, this is frightening. This has GOT to be a joke.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 August 19

      No, I’m fairly sure it isn’t, as I commented, I’m pretty sure I know that guy. Terrible spelling and things like “jappyland” are pretty run of the mill for idiots from my home town…

      Adores: 1
  30. 2009 July 14
    Nuke_you permalink

    He probably meant 403b. They are basically a 401k for state employees.

    Adores: 1
  31. 2009 July 14
    Selurnis permalink

    JAPYLAND??? Yeah, that’s where my import cars come from. I’m not sure “moron” even begins. “Asshat” is just being fair.

    Adores: 1
  32. 2009 July 26
    Suzie permalink

    LOL! At first I THOUGHT I was CERTAIN to find a foreigner writing that like perhaps someone from JAPAN?! Our poor country! LOL

    Adores: 1
  33. 2009 July 28
    Jinx permalink

    Wow, I hope his mother’s “brake up” wasn’t because HE did her last brake job!!

    Look how far apart those eyes are…. To loosely quote James May, “…on the side of my head, like a pigeon’s…” Because he drives a fast car, you know. Or if you like. Or if, you know, like, you know….

    Adores: 1
  34. 2009 August 19

    … I KNOW THAT GUY! Well, I mean, I’ve seen him before, he was a few years ahead of me in school. When I first saw the pictures, I was thinking to myself “Man, that guy looks familiar… nah, couldn’t be.” until I saw the comment “relatively small town in Upstate NY”. I’m from a relatively small town in Upstate NY, and that guy looks like a dumbass who used to hang out with my cousin/a friend of mine’s older brother. WOW.

    It’s true, Upstate NY is chock full of white people amongst whom more than one or two are idiots, but this just seems too strange not to be the guy I’m thinking of (thankfully, having lived in other parts of the world for many years, I’ve forgotten his name).

    Adores: 3
  35. 2009 August 29
    kim permalink

    I like that he only listens to music he can understand, but he doesn’t need to understand the girl he plans to date/marry (what ever he plans on doing with her). WTF.

    Adores: 1
  36. 2009 December 28
    qualityleashdog permalink

    I almost skimmed over this one, but was so glad I didn’t when I got to the bottom and was rewarded with “someone from japyland.” Are we sure that’s not a Cotton Hill quote? That also inspired me to leave my first comment, after a day spent here going through, so far, 32 pages.

    Adores: 2
  37. 2010 February 24
    Otosan permalink

    I wish that this wasn’t a serious ad.

    It makes me cry to think that there are people this stupid out there. At least he’s keeping kiddie crappers clean.

    Adores: 1

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