YSaC, Vol. 340: I think I’m turning … Part 2.
This was posted in the personals section of the Osaka Craigslist:
Hi – 28
Im a single guy looking for a japanese women whos single and willing to relocate. I work full time for [name] hight school its good pay but great benifits. Im also an auto painter by trade so i like to stay buesy. I got a little shop ware i do my paint work when needed or when i want alittle extra cash. But the school is my maine job and is a state job and will get a pesion when i retier and i do invest into a 403k. Im doing ok for my age. that my work life.
I enjoy movies and walks and going out for a bite to eat. I love all music as long as i can understand what thare trying say. I realy enjoy the import car seen i love imports so i need an import wife in my life lol (^V^) that will top me off i think. At this moment i share a home with my mother her and my father are going threw a brake up or devorces if u like. So im liveing with her to help her on some of her payments untile shes clear of them. I do drink but im not an every dayer and i smok i stoped for six months and just started agin. What was i thinking? I also enjoy sports indy car raceing and amrican foot ball and hockey. I played hockey all most my hole life.
Im only going to reply to pic with photos and no site links. Im looking for some one real. If you know some english thats a pluse but i do not juge people my thare lingo.Other than that i to meet someone from japyland.
Please write some stuff about your self so i know your real and seroues to.
If you are a japanese women who is (are?) willing to relocate to a relatively small town in upstate NY to be with someone who works for a high school, you might want answers to the following questions:
- What is his “maine” job at the high school? And what is a 403k? I’ve heard of 401(k)s, and 403(b)s, but this appears to be some combination of the two.
- Import car = import wife. Nice. Do you expect to be able to trade her in after she’s got a few thousand miles on her?
I really hope he’s not a teacher. He doesn’t “juge people my thare lingo.” Too bad I do.
And … really? japyland? If he’s lucky, maybe she can teach him the Asian language.
Thanks to Ems for the submission!
Yeah, I’m living with my mom … to help her out with payments. Yeah, that’s the ticket, I’m helping her out.
I know you already have a ton of tags for this one, but I think you missed “asshat.”
I did just add “still single?”. I’m not sure about “asshat” … what do all y’all think?
I’m torn between “asshat” and “just effing stupid.” He’s really ‘seroues’ about it, which makes me think he put some (shudder) thought into this and decided it would be a good idea.
Also? If he actually works for a ‘hight’ school, this explains a lot of college admissions essays.
Seconded–“Japyland” pushes it over into asshat territory.
You’re right. I’d forgotten about “Japyland”. Asshat it is.
As if the import wife to go with import car didn’t peg the ‘asshat’ meter.
This one really hurts my brain to read. I know a lot of perfectly intelligent and literate car enthusiasts. In order to modify and work on modern cars you have to be pretty intelligent just to deal with all the computer controlled systems. Maybe he’s just been inhaling too many fumes at the paint shop.
I’m at a loss for words.
Thare is a reesun sum peple are stille singul.
I totally understand where he’s coming from. Who doesnt base their relationship needs on cars.
I have a vintage Volkswagen and i’ve had a lot of trouble finding a middle-aged German lady.
“If you know some english thats a pluse”
Because it’d be nice if someone in the relationship is a plus.
Although, if she didn’t know english, how would she read the posting or respond?
403k plans are only offered for High School employees in Maine…..i guess.
I like the excuse he has for still living with his mom. Yeah, its because of a “brake up or devorces”.
Holy smokes – you had me cracking up. I drive fairly new Mitsubishi. Does that mean I should be out trolling for a young Japanese youth to “top me off”? My husband may take issue with that.
“Although, if she didn’t know english, how would she read the posting or respond?”
I know English, and I had a lot of trouble reading the posting. And I most certainly won’t be responding.
How many car years to human years? Is it like dogs where 1 humanyear = 7 dog years? I’m curious since my 6 year old Peugeot means I’m either cradle-snatching or looking for a fit, French 42 year old… which sounds a good deal to me !
i woulda said yes till i noticed he shaved off his soul patch
Asshat? Oh, yes.
“What was i thinking?”
Indeed.
He did say that the school job is his “maine” job and that it is a state job, so maybe he’s not entirely off track. Maybe he teaches geography.
“her and my father are going threw a brake up or devorces if u like.”
This line made me spit out my coffee. I have to remember to stop drinking while visiting YSaC.
Possibly he should consider asking one of the teachers at the school where he’s on the cleaning/maintenance staff (I hope…) proofread his personal ads. On the tiny, tiny bright side, he realizes that “American football” is not the only kind.
My reaction was also hoping he was a janitor. Because if he’s a teacher, all the children are doomed.
I’m 99% sure he is, our high school is actually pretty good, despite what his spelling and such might lead you to believe. They’re usually good at hiring people who dropped out or barely got out for temporary custodial duty.
“I work full time for [name] hight school its good pay but great benifits.”
Well at least the great benifits make up for the good pay. (because “but” and “and” are interchangeable, right?)
“Other than that i to meet someone from japyland.” So relocate to upstate NY so I can meet you, and maybe we can both help my mother financially.
Yes, asshat . Even in japyland he’d be an asshat.
If she knows some English, that would be a “pluse,” because then she could teach it to him.
HEAR freakin’ HEAR. well said. good show.
Brilliant!
Doh! That’ll teach me to post without reading the previous comments. I posted nearly the same thing.
OMG, what a fuckin’ LOOOOSER!!! XD
That just made my mind hurt.
Honestly. If she knows English well enough to understand what he’s trying to say in this ad, then she certainly has a better grasp on it than he does.
Presumably he’s looking for someone to teach him English.
[[sounds of applause]]
*reads post*
*tries to come up with a single insult that would apply to all the errors witnessed*
*head explodes*
And here’s the other thing: the translation software was not his friend here, either. He just ain’t all that bright in the first place, and then his original (badly written) missive was translated into Japanese, then back into English. Good God. You could probably just make a new tag for crap translations alone.
I don’t think there’s any translation software to blame here. It was posted in English originally.
Holy balls. I don’t even know where to start.
I know. I mean, “Japyland”…??? Humanity *is* doomed. God help us all.
And on top of it he’ll probably find someone as dumb as he is to reproduce with. We all know what happens when you multiply fractions.
1/2 brain x 1/2 brain = 1/4 brain.
Won’t someone think of the children?!
I cant help but think of Japyland as an amusement park.
…a creepy, offensive amusement park.
‘I love all music as long as i can understand what thare trying say.’
Wow, that’s funny – I like all sucky Craigslist ads as long as I can understand what thare trying say……….sadly this ad doesn’t fall into that category.
/cries in the corner sucking her thumb
How does anyone even get to “seroues”.
I could understand “serius,” or “searios,” or even “saireos,” but “seroues”? SER-OU-ES? Who even SAYS it like that? Is he just closing his eyes and hitting random keys? AUUUUGH.
It could have gone something like this:
“Mommmm!”
“WHAT?!”
“How do you spell serious?!”
“With an o-u!”
“Oh, yeah…that looks better.”
I have to believe, for my own sanity, that this is fake…
“If you know some english thats a pluse….” and maybe you can teach him some, too?
Wow. That was seriously really effing RACIST. Grah. Why do some idiots think Japanese/any other specific ethnicity of “choice” women will be flattered that you only want her because she is Japanese/etc.??
Grah. Asshat.
I agree–so creepy and offensive. One of my best friends is Chinese and she’s dealt with weird, random asshats approaching her for hot Asian-fetish sex her whole life. One guy offered her money because he’d “never had sex with an Asian girl before”, and another guy winked at her and said something along the lines of, “I hear Asians are really tight…is that true?” Unfortunately for all of us, she didn’t respond by punching his teeth in. 🙁
Clearly, she would have ninja-kicked his teeth in.
When I saw “I got a little shop ware I do my paint work…” my head actually involuntarily twitched to the side like someone nearby was singing a song and butchered a note.
Now I’m hearing that line as if “sung” by Fred Schneider from the B-52’s. Thanks for that.
This is off-topic – how do I add a profile pic to my responses?
Set up a gravatar at gravatar.com. It’s associated with your email address.
And it’s to the tune of “Love Shack.” I can just hear it now.
Oops, this should be up above, under the Fred Schneider comment.
I teach English in Japan. Please (oh, please!) say I qualify!
You would go to him with all our blessings (and phone numbers in case of having to helicopter you out of the relationship!) in the hopes you could help him become more like a human being who could after years and years attempt to write English.
Dear God, this is frightening. This has GOT to be a joke.
No, I’m fairly sure it isn’t, as I commented, I’m pretty sure I know that guy. Terrible spelling and things like “jappyland” are pretty run of the mill for idiots from my home town…
He probably meant 403b. They are basically a 401k for state employees.
JAPYLAND??? Yeah, that’s where my import cars come from. I’m not sure “moron” even begins. “Asshat” is just being fair.
LOL! At first I THOUGHT I was CERTAIN to find a foreigner writing that like perhaps someone from JAPAN?! Our poor country! LOL
Wow, I hope his mother’s “brake up” wasn’t because HE did her last brake job!!
Look how far apart those eyes are…. To loosely quote James May, “…on the side of my head, like a pigeon’s…” Because he drives a fast car, you know. Or if you like. Or if, you know, like, you know….
… I KNOW THAT GUY! Well, I mean, I’ve seen him before, he was a few years ahead of me in school. When I first saw the pictures, I was thinking to myself “Man, that guy looks familiar… nah, couldn’t be.” until I saw the comment “relatively small town in Upstate NY”. I’m from a relatively small town in Upstate NY, and that guy looks like a dumbass who used to hang out with my cousin/a friend of mine’s older brother. WOW.
It’s true, Upstate NY is chock full of white people amongst whom more than one or two are idiots, but this just seems too strange not to be the guy I’m thinking of (thankfully, having lived in other parts of the world for many years, I’ve forgotten his name).
I like that he only listens to music he can understand, but he doesn’t need to understand the girl he plans to date/marry (what ever he plans on doing with her). WTF.
I almost skimmed over this one, but was so glad I didn’t when I got to the bottom and was rewarded with “someone from japyland.” Are we sure that’s not a Cotton Hill quote? That also inspired me to leave my first comment, after a day spent here going through, so far, 32 pages.
I wish that this wasn’t a serious ad.
It makes me cry to think that there are people this stupid out there. At least he’s keeping kiddie crappers clean.