YSaC, Vol. 339: Science!

2009 June 21

Pretty girl, Wheres her nice guy

well im a big beautiful lack women. i attend school at BCC studing science. I work part-time to pay for school. i just moved here about a week ago and im currently living with my aunt. i love to go out and have fun when i have the time. im a really kool person to meet and get along with. Imm looking for someone who knows how to treat a real women wit respect and kindness and is willing to be able to give me what i need. He must have a job and some education. Im looking for a real women not a boy.

Vanessa sends this one in, saying, “Is this poster supposed to be a big, beautiful black woman? Is the person in the picture supposed to be be black? Is this person looking for women or a man? I’m confused. Is this some new Craigslist scam that I don’t know about? Surely it can’t be a bot – they make more sense than this. On the other hand, I hope it is a bot, because then that means there isn’t someone out there who actually wrote this. Maybe someone can translate this one for me.”

I’ll try: The poster is currently attending school and working part-time nearby, which is why she just moved there a week ago, because she studs science. She is a big beautiful black women, which explains why she is white in the picture — she’s multiple women! All of her is looking for someone who can treat multiple women (like all of her) with respect — they want a man who is a real women, not a boy.

Does that help?

No? I didn’t think so. Science is doomed.

32 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 June 21
    flaco permalink

    Where does the dog fit in? Is it another one of her personalities?

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 June 21
      drmk permalink

      Clearly it’s a representation of the racial elements of her different personalities.

      Adores: 2
      • 2009 June 21
        Victoria permalink

        It’s a Chihuahua, so maybe it’s her Mexican side.

        Adores: 9
        • 2009 November 13

          I thought that was a cat.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 August 4

          It appears to be both. Perhaps the pet has multiple personalities as well.

          Adores: 3
  2. 2009 June 21

    I like that the writer only needs the real women not a boy to be “willing to be able to give me what i need“. At least one of her has really lowered expectations .

    Adores: 3
  3. 2009 June 21

    Uh. She’s a big beautiful LACK women, not black (the photos should have cleared that up for all of you).

    I think that means she came from IKEA. Maybe this will help http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/40104270

    Adores: 5
    • 2009 June 21
      Windrose permalink

      Oh, Lack! So she requires assembly. And is probably missing a few screws. It all makes sense now.

      Adores: 26
    • 2009 June 27
      Maureen permalink

      Oh gods, yes. Lack! So she’s vaguely Swedish (looks it, too!), cheap and simple (yup, probably!) and comes flat-packed for easy transportation (hmmmm).

      Just please don’t tell me she’s Swedish for common sense.

      Adores: 5
  4. 2009 June 21

    She also appears to be gnawing on that cat’s ear…

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 June 22
      Count Snarkula permalink

      “No, Mini-Me, we do not gnaw on our kitty, we just stroke him and love him.”

      Adores: 10
  5. 2009 June 21
    Julia permalink

    Clearly, she is a big and lacking another woman, which is why she wants a woman, not a boy.

    Adores: 1
    • 2009 July 14
      Selurnis permalink

      I think she wants a real “women.” Kinda greedy, don’t you think? XP

      Adores: 1
  6. 2009 June 21
    Charlene permalink

    Exactly how is Skinny Mini there big?

    The woman in those photos would be lucky to weigh 110 lb. wringing wet.

    Adores: 1
  7. 2009 June 21

    There is no genius free from some tincture of madness.

    Adores: 1
  8. 2009 June 21

    This has got to be some kind of bot. Has to. She’s neither big, nor black, and partway through the ad she switches from looking for “her nice guy” to looking for “a real women.” Also she seems to be some kind of chihuahua.

    Adores: 2
  9. 2009 June 22
    corn flakes permalink

    I always feel bad for the people in the bot pictures.
    Somewhere is some poor animal-friendly young lady that has no idea that her pictures are being used in a laughably bad, gender-confusing dating ad.

    I like that the bot tries to throw in slang words (wit, kool) to seem more authentic and it just stands out more.

    Adores: 2
  10. 2009 June 22
    corn flakes permalink

    Also, you know what they say, once you go lack you never go back.

    Adores: 4
  11. 2009 June 22
    Lola permalink

    *scratches head*
    For the sake of humanity, I really hope this is a bot. Poor unsuspecting woman in the photos if it is, though.

    Adores: 2
  12. 2009 June 27
    Pademelon permalink

    Ok clearly I’m a nerd. BUT my favorite part is that she’s “studing” science. Perhaps THAT’S why she’s looking for “a real women not a boy.”

    Adores: 3
  13. 2009 July 4
    TheBookLover permalink

    It doesn’t necessarily say big BLACK woman, right? I think the “lack” is something like.. you know, her life is lacking some meaningful and deep relationship.

    Haha.. I don’t think the word “black” fits in at all!

    But still. A loser-ish person, nevertheless.

    Adores: 2
  14. 2009 August 7
    ??? permalink

    But what about the kitty? Why is she biting it?

    Adores: 2
  15. 2009 September 8

    It makes perfect sense! She wants a man who’s really a woman!

    Adores: 4
  16. 2012 August 4

    I’m every woman. It’s in this ad.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 August 4

      Me, too, Dave! 8) I used to be a lack woman, too, but I got better..

      Adores: 2
  17. 2012 August 4
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Let’s analize this.
    This person may be from Kentuky. Her use of lack may be a giveaway. Lack toadally, fer shore, lack ya know? Also by the use of “kool” (Kentucky Online Offender Listing).
    The first sentence should read: Well I’m big, beautiful, and like women. That is why she wants a nice guy as well. One who will go along with her affinity for women.
    As for the pictures, these tell us more about what she lacks…um likes.
    1. She likes doggie.
    2. She likes blondes.
    3. She likes to eat pu***.
    This person seems to be a tri-sixual. She’ll try anything sixual.*
    But KOOL is probably why she is no longer looking for a boy.

    * I used sixual so’s this site wouldn’t be flagged as a pr0n site, you’re welcome.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 August 4
      Brer Fox permalink

      “Let’s analize this.”

      *snort* anal eyes

      Adores: 3
  18. 2012 August 4
    P-rex permalink

    She blonded me with science!

    Adores: 4
  19. 2012 August 4
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    At first it seemed odd that the cat and dog have very similar markings, until I realized that the women is a shape shifter. Just as her animal manifestations are both black and white, so is the human one, it’s just that the part shown in the photos is mostly white. If you look at the photo on the right, however, you can just make out the top edge of the big beautiful black part.

    “If that’s true”, I hear you ask, “then how can both the human and cat forms be in the same picture?” Well folks, that’s just a red herring (what’s black and white and red all over?). Your ordinary woman shifter can only be one thing at a time, but a real women can be all that and a bag of chips (to go with the herring). If you don’t believe me, ask the science studs.

    Either that or it’s the most inept bait-and-switch ever.

    Adores: 3
  20. 2012 August 4
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Yes, truly science is domed.

    Adores: 2

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