You Suck at Craigslist

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  • YSaC, Vol. 1773: Technical Foul

    We’ve had plenty of posts from people looking to get something for nothing. It’s sort of a cliche that musicians get asked to play “for the exposure,” which as far as I can tell means that since they’re not getting paid, they’re likely to die of exposure.

    Here’s someone looking for a free photographer, although what they really seem to need is someone with a few extra periods and commas:

    Let’s create some art

    Hey everyone I’m Jimmy 21 year old male model for the past year I’ve been lucky enough to work with some amazing photographers allot of which I’ve met on CL so recently I’ve been slacking and I have not been producing new work so let’s fix that I have a few girl friends who have been asking me to shoot with them I’m looking for photographers who willing to shoot edgy provocative semi-nude work I’ve done full nude but I’m not too sure if the girls are willing to do nudes I’m sure some of them are all of these shoot would be individual maybe a group I have a few idea and we are also ready to help you execute any of your ideas this is a TF so no money would be made from these pictures let me know if you’re interested and I’ll send you pics of myself and of some of the girls thanks

    This is a TF. What is a TF, you ask? I have no idea. I tried looking it up, and here’s the first two dozen or so matches:

    • Transformers (toy)
    • Transformation
    • Track & Field
    • Transferrin
    • Transmission Fluid (automotive)
    • Transflash Memory Card (mobile device)
    • Tooth Fairy
    • Turbofan
    • Trotteur Francais (France)
    • True Friends
    • Trap Flag
    • Too Funny
    • Trigger Finger (stenosing tendovaginitis)
    • Tuition Fee
    • Two Fluid
    • Testicular Feminization (reproductive pathology)
    • Trace Flag
    • Transmission Factor (radiation exposure)
    • Transit Facility
    • Tranche Ferme (Marchés Publics)
    • Terminal File
    • Transient Fault
    • Terminal Forecast
    • Type of Funds (USACE)
    • Thomas-Fermi Approximation

    None of these make any sense, of course, but I really hope it’s not the Tooth Fairy. Thanks for the post, Mike!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1772: No weirdos.

    Hey gentlemen! Are you looking for that special lady? Well, keep looking, because I doubt you can meet THESE high standards:

    Seeking a prince with valor and loyalty – 35

    35/F, Christian, does not fornicate. Looking for man who does not have sex unless he is in love, married, or someone who is a virgin. NO SEXUAL HOOKUPS. NO HOOKUPS AT ALL.
    Looking for a friend. Semi-attractive, used to be more attractive female, need to work on myself, get in shape. Not a relationship based on looks or lust. Real friendship and connection, best friend, loyal, honest, non-sexual relationship. Friends, then maybe romance later. NO HOOKUPS, NO SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Contact me if you are a Christian, celibate, looking for something real, no booty calls, no lustful relationships. Please do not send any sexy photos or half-naked photos. Please do not reply and send me any photos. Only reply if looking for a long term relationship, a serious friendship, a soul mate. Do not reply if you do casual hookups, date more than one person at a time to try to weed out those you don’t like, if you date a few or several girls at once and are intimate with more than one person during that time period, if you have casual sex, if you do oral sex, if you have one night stands, if you go out to bars and try to pick up women, if you lust after women, if you watch porno, if you love breasts or love vaginas and desire to get lucky and score, if you rack up the notches on your bedpost, if you think that sex is a commodity, if you think that lustful sex is not immoral, if you think cheating is not immoral, if you care more about the physical looks of someone than who they are as a person, if you do not desire a personal connection built on trust and loyalty. If you are the type who is commitment-phobic, afraid of love, run away if a girl says she loves you, if you reject women after you sleep with them, please don’t e-mail me. If you are interested in being with someone, anyone because you desire to touch someone, but it’s just for here and now, don’t contact me. Don’t contact me if you think that women are like 31 flavors. Don’t contact me unless you value one person, monogamy, and unless you can cherish a person and don’t want anyone else. Don’t contact me if you want a physical relationship. If you try to wait to have sex until you find someone you love and/or you will marry, then contact me. If you believe in fornicating with anyone and it’s not a sin, don’t contact me.

    So none of those things are OK. On the other hand, run-on sentences seem to be just fine. I think if we can find her a nice coma patient, she’ll be in good shape. Otherwise… good luck there, Sparkette.

    Thanks for the post, Mike!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1771: The Grand Cherokee of the Beast!

    1997 jeep – $666

    1997 jeep grand cherokee odometer: 200000 automatic transmission title : clean
    Jeep grand Cherokee 200,000 miles runs good .4×4..believe it may need a trans? Really Clean in side and out good tires remote start ….really looking to trade for something cool thanks….really want a project car or truck

    This one was sent in by sd, who points out that if the only picture you have of your vehicle is one where it’s strapped to a trailer AND you think it needs a transmission…

    You may not need to go to Craigslist to find a “project car.”

    Thanks, sd!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1770: I’m NOT sleeping on a #*%($ Sealy!

    Kit A sends this one:

    free bed all stains 40 years old!

    Free twin box spring and mattress in old stained shape, all stains guaranteed to be over 40 years old. Got a bed wetter this is the free bed for you! Daisy pattern in great shape minus the 40 year old pee stains.
    Put a cover on it for the in-laws stay this holiday they will never know! Smells fine well a little musty from the garage but absolutely no pee smell!
    Will deliver to [location] only!!

    Ah, 40 year old pee stains. That would date them from 1974. 1974 was a good vintage in [location] for pee stains. The 1974 Daisy Pattern is known for having notes of polyester and macrame, with just a hint of cocaine. Definitely worth picking this one up, before the poster puts it up for auction at Christie’s.

  • YSaC, Vol. 1769: Federal Burrow of Investigation

    Free burrow pick up only

    Free burrow all wood it’s in good condition nothing is broken as far as drawers or anything just needs cosmetic work just sanding, painted and new drawer handles. First person to respond gets it only serious people please respond.

    Hello. I am a very serious person. I would like to pick up your all wood burrow. However, I am confused. A “burrow” is a hole, is it not? It is difficult to pick up an absence of thing. For that matter, how do you know the hole is an absence of wood? It could be an absence of molybdenum, or cheddar cheese. This is important to me, because I am a serious person.

    Of course, you could have just misspelled “burro.” Are you selling a donkey? Because I don’t think I want to try sanding a donkey. That would be insufficiently serious.

    Thank you for this serious post, Christine!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1768: And the dog goes…

    Sometimes, the crazy on Craigslist inspires us to write long, detailed, lovingly crafted operas, movie scripts, or children’s books. And sometimes, it just inspires us to back away slowly, gibbering.

    new to taxidermy need big dog

    looking for a new taxidermy project looking for a large female dog will pay 40 the fresher the dog the better not looking for a living dogs need by Oct. 11 I can pick up sometime in the morning if you’re in [location]

    *gibbers*

    (Thanks, Ellen.)