You Suck at Craigslist

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  • YSaC, Vol. 293: Kids would ask for it by name if they knew what the hell it was.

    This one was in the European Craigslist, but is just as inexplicable as the posts in the US:

    Velvet Ovlatine – EUR22 (SG)

    Hand make version of this velvet drink, ready for the ripe drinking. I got the powder, just need to milk to mix with it.

    Anyone in the area that wants to share the mix, please reply. Oh and I think we could use a harpoon to help mix it.
    Remember – english is my 2nd language – beauty marks, and moles come first.

    All trades plus shipping and handling. BYOB.
    293

    I think I speak for many, many people when I say, “… what?”

    Lotte sends this one in, saying, “I’m not even sure if this is a really subtle ad for some casual encounter of some sorts. The Ovaltine is hand-made, and it also says: I got the powder, just need TO milk to mix with it. Milking what, I just shudder to think really. Not to mention the harpoon reference. Plus a reference to beauty marks and moles AND the fact that the ad was placed under ‘barter’. Maybe Ovlatine is a whole other thing than Ovaltine. You know what I mean? *nudge nudge* *wink wink*….Now I feel sick.”

  • YSaC, Vol. 292: It doesn’t stop everyone else!

    $250 i need a room (agri center)

    seeking a room around $250/month near Agricenter. i guess i wouldn’t want to say more than that or, craigslist informs, one will be legally persecuted, lose their job, and be fined 10,000 dollars. yet, maybe i am doomed by saying that i am “seeking” a room, or that it is “$250”, or that it is “near Agricenter”. i can but pray that the FBI doesn’t pick up on this one.

    Here’s craigslist’s policy on discriminatory preference in a housing post — this is what you see when you begin to create a housing wanted or housing available posting:

    Stating a discriminatory preference in a housing post is illegal, is prohibited on craigslist, and can be expensive:

    • you can be fined more than $10,000 for each discriminatory ad, plus damages in court, plus loss of license if you are a professional
    • avoid phrases which could be interpreted as discriminating by race/color/origin (e.g. ‘hispanic area‘), religion (e.g. ‘christian home‘), age / familial status (e.g. ‘no kids‘), disability, or sexual orientation
    • the words you choose can cost you – get the facts and avoid being prosecuted under fair housing law

    This one makes me wonder if “seeking a room” is a euphemism for “I won’t live with minorities or homosexuals” and “near Agricenter” means “I’ll only live in a white neighborhood”. The fact that he has to bring up the policy says to me that he does have some preferences but doesn’t feel as though he can list them for fear of being ‘persecuted’.

    Otherwise, it just seems like this guy is either a smartass or a little too paranoid.

    Thanks, Lesley!

  • YSaC, Vol. 291: No, seriously. What. The. Hell.

    This post contains eight incredibly bizarre pictures of a NSFW coffee table. No, really. You have been warned.
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 290: It gets a 6.5 from the Romanian judge.

    These two entries are both from the same metropolitan area:

    student wants to learn doggi style

    I want to learn to do doggies with style…..and perhaps photography

    My desperate hope that this was someone asking for instruction on pet grooming were dashed when I realized that this post came from the “Adult Gigs” section.

    As does this:

    private lap dancers wanted

    big breast and boobs a plus no exp. nessacary

    This guy’s demanding — he wants a big breast AND boobs. I’m no slouch in the boobs department, but I don’t also have a big breast, so I guess I’m out. If the boobs don’t have to be big, we could set him up with these boobs. That might teach him to be a little more specific.

    Thanks, oliveees, for ruining my faith in humanity just a little bit more.

  • YSaC, Vol. 289: Next we work on the word “recently”.

    End Table-Round – $25

    Round end table with storage inside. Recently refinished.
    $25.00 O.B.O Please Call xxx-xxx-xxxx Or xxx-xxx-xxxx

    289

    Today’s lesson is on the difference between inside and outside. If you’re going to claim that this thing has storage inside, don’t show it in storage outside.

  • YSaC, Vol. 288: Yes, but does the carpet match the drapes?

    Still need a carpet layer – 49

    Ok, trying to get one room of carpet layed for several good blow jobs.
    Must be W/M not really overweight. Clean and DDF
    I am W/M 6’1 49 yrs old and about 240
    I have all the material needed. Carpet, padding and strips. Room is 12 X 14
    Must be descreet.

    Megan sends this one in, saying:

    “I have a few comments about this craziness:
    1. Is that all it takes to get carpet laid in Tallahassee? Seriously?
    2. So this guy has “all the material needed” but is the material for the blow jobs or the carpeting?
    3. Insert “carpet laying” joke here. (Would have been much funnier if this was a female asking for some carpet laying)
    4. My boss has been talking about having new carpet put in his house… should I be concerned?”

    If you’re desperate enough that you’re offering oral sex in exchange for having carpet put in your house, is it really in your best interest to be picky about who’s going to be doing it? “Sorry, you’re too fat/ethnic for me, so I’m not going to let you install my carpet.”

    Unless this is another one of those Craigslist euphemisms. Maybe “carpet, padding and strips” is really a code word for some kind of S&M thing. I’d imagine that being hit with one of those carpet nail strips would probably hurt. Okay, I’m done imagining that now.

    Oh, and “must be descreet” = “I’m married”. Just in case anyone was wondering. (Nobody was, right?)