You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 288: Yes, but does the carpet match the drapes?

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drmk

in

Still need a carpet layer – 49

Ok, trying to get one room of carpet layed for several good blow jobs.
Must be W/M not really overweight. Clean and DDF
I am W/M 6’1 49 yrs old and about 240
I have all the material needed. Carpet, padding and strips. Room is 12 X 14
Must be descreet.

Megan sends this one in, saying:

“I have a few comments about this craziness:
1. Is that all it takes to get carpet laid in Tallahassee? Seriously?
2. So this guy has “all the material needed” but is the material for the blow jobs or the carpeting?
3. Insert “carpet laying” joke here. (Would have been much funnier if this was a female asking for some carpet laying)
4. My boss has been talking about having new carpet put in his house… should I be concerned?”

If you’re desperate enough that you’re offering oral sex in exchange for having carpet put in your house, is it really in your best interest to be picky about who’s going to be doing it? “Sorry, you’re too fat/ethnic for me, so I’m not going to let you install my carpet.”

Unless this is another one of those Craigslist euphemisms. Maybe “carpet, padding and strips” is really a code word for some kind of S&M thing. I’d imagine that being hit with one of those carpet nail strips would probably hurt. Okay, I’m done imagining that now.

Oh, and “must be descreet” = “I’m married”. Just in case anyone was wondering. (Nobody was, right?)

Comments

26 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 288: Yes, but does the carpet match the drapes?”

  1. kt Avatar
    kt

    didnt realize “w/m” was white male at first …thought it meant woman/man…damn

    1. corn flakes Avatar
      corn flakes

      Dont feel bad. At first, I did too.

      I was thinking “well, they’re not picky”.

  2. Marv Avatar
    Marv

    I’m surprised there was no reference to the obvious need to post this here. “You SUCK at Craigslist” being the operative word…

  3. corn flakes Avatar
    corn flakes

    It’s the new American bartering system. I’ve blown 3 people this week; for Cable installation, a root canal, and a Big Mac value meal.

    1. Amy H. Avatar
      Amy H.

      Ooohh, a root canal, eh? That lady looking for dental work for her daughter needs this info. Badly. (I’m hoping that someone with more technical prowess than I can link that post in here.)

      1. drmk Avatar
        drmk

        You mean this one?

        1. Amy H. Avatar
          Amy H.

          Yay! That’s the one!!

        2. Mrphysic Avatar
          Mrphysic

          I would have done it in exchange for a blowie…….

  4. Katie Avatar
    Katie

    I hope this dood is not for real

  5. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    149 years old. ick.

  6. lexgillmore Avatar
    lexgillmore

    for several good blow jobs… versus wanting someone to come to your house and lay your carpet for bad blow jobs… isn’t that implied in the whole barter thing? because this ad would have been a whole lot better had it read “ok, trying to get one room of carpet LAID for several awful blow jobs. i was planning on you doing crappy work and me making sure that there is no way you feel like you were sexually compensated for your half ass work”

  7. PrincessLuceval Avatar
    PrincessLuceval

    I can’t get past the “Still.” As in, he’s posted this before, to no avail.

    Or he’s had takers, they’ve come and “carpeted” his “room,” and then he rips up the carpet and reposts the ad.

    1. Monica Hamburg Avatar
      Monica Hamburg

      I like the second interpretation.

  8. blake Avatar
    blake

    The several definitely needs clarification in the bartering stage.
    Are the bj’s given before and after the carpet install to guarantee quality?
    How much is several? Maybe the poster is thinking along the lines of 3. But when it comes to receiving oral sex, i consider several as roughly 17 times.
    The carpet may be installed, but now you have some dude stopping by every day for head.

    1. Mrphysic Avatar
      Mrphysic

      maybe he’s trying to get some cheap wallpaper paste too……..

  9. Count Blah Avatar
    Count Blah

    This guy is sounding pretty impatient. His wife must be REALLY henpecking him to get that carpet installed.

  10. Megan Avatar
    Megan

    Muahahaha! Im famous now for finding this post. Not gonna lie, i about wet my pants laughing at it.

    I would like to know the difference between a good blow job and a bad one. And who gets to decide. What if Mr Carpet-layer doesnt like a couple of them? Can there be a redo? Or does he take the carpet back up and leave? Does Mr. Homeowner get the opportunity for like the best 3 out of 5 BJs?

    Ps. I found this in personals… but i think it would be more appropriate under employment. And is there a chance for the temp carpet laying to turn into a full-time thing? And is there a chance for career advancement in this field?

    1. Carolyn Avatar
      Carolyn

      Meg-

      I am so proud of you for finding the red necks of Tallahassee and exposing them. There is more than enough material in Tally to keep this site busy for a while. Hopefully I can be famous one day just like you!

    2. Count Blah Avatar
      Count Blah

      ZOMG it was in the PERSONALS section? Now I’m thinking this guy just wants to blow some dudes and the carpet thing is an excuse. Like, he’s not secretly GAY or anything, just trying to get some cheap renovations done, yo!

  11. kristen55 Avatar
    kristen55

    Yes, because carpeting a 12×14 room is so difficult…Nope, not gay at all! I have to say, this one really made my eyes pop out as it sunk it just what he was asking – ick!

  12. dogface Avatar
    dogface

    Well, they might not be married. I mean, they could be living in their anti-pre/extra/not-marital-sex parents’ house or something. I guess.

  13. bonni Avatar
    bonni

    This must be REALLY UGLY carpet.

  14. BradS Avatar
    BradS

    Well, normally I think you’re spot-on with the commentary, right here I do have to say I doubt “must be descreet” = “I’m married” in this case.
    More likely “must be descreet” = “am pretending to be straight and offering bjs to random guys would totally ruin my cover.”

    (ps. Had the hardest time ever not writing “blow my cover”.)

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive!

  15. Donut Avatar
    Donut

    I like how he’s 240 pounds, which at 6’1″ is considerably overweight, but isn’t interested in oral with someone who is overweight. WTF.

  16. Kit Avatar
    Kit

    Of course he’s picky. It’s pretty easy to lay carpet if you have all the supplies and Google. He wants a hot guy to “pay” for his blowjob. What an idiot.

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