You Suck at Craigslist

Category: barter

  • YSaC, Vol. 293: Kids would ask for it by name if they knew what the hell it was.

    This one was in the European Craigslist, but is just as inexplicable as the posts in the US:

    Velvet Ovlatine – EUR22 (SG)

    Hand make version of this velvet drink, ready for the ripe drinking. I got the powder, just need to milk to mix with it.

    Anyone in the area that wants to share the mix, please reply. Oh and I think we could use a harpoon to help mix it.
    Remember – english is my 2nd language – beauty marks, and moles come first.

    All trades plus shipping and handling. BYOB.
    293

    I think I speak for many, many people when I say, “… what?”

    Lotte sends this one in, saying, “I’m not even sure if this is a really subtle ad for some casual encounter of some sorts. The Ovaltine is hand-made, and it also says: I got the powder, just need TO milk to mix with it. Milking what, I just shudder to think really. Not to mention the harpoon reference. Plus a reference to beauty marks and moles AND the fact that the ad was placed under ‘barter’. Maybe Ovlatine is a whole other thing than Ovaltine. You know what I mean? *nudge nudge* *wink wink*….Now I feel sick.”

  • YSaC, Vol. 242: Next, we take blankets away from the homeless.

    Will trade food for fruit tree or bush

    My husband and I bought 2 bags of food for the food bank and drove around looking for it for an hour, finally found it and it was closed. I figure there is somebody out there who likes soups, spongebob macaroni and cheese and various other instant foods. If you have a fruit tree that you are looking to get rid of or a blueberry bush with an established root stock then let’s swap!

    So let me get this right …. you bought food that you planned to donate, and now just because the food bank was closed, you want to trade the food that you planned to donate for a fruit tree or blueberry bush.

    In other words, you now want to get something for the food that you had initially planned to give away to the needy. That’s mighty philanthropic of you.

    And, on top of it, you’re offering to trade that needy someone some instant foods (that they will use up) in exchange for a fruiting plant/bush that will continue to produce food. That doesn’t sound like a good trade to me. If you offered me a choice between Spongebob macaroni and a blueberry bush, I know which one I would take.

    Thanks, Alyssa! That’s two in a row!

  • YSaC, Vol. 230: Let my Cameron goooooo ….

    need to barrow a ferrari for date

    dont have too much to barter. i can fix things around your house or make a kick ass meatloaf. just need the ferrai for one night. promise i will try not to get oral sex in it.

    thanks

    Heather sends this in, saying, “They post it in “barter,” yet they admit they have nothing to barter. Oh, and how exactly does one “barrow” a Ferrari? It seems that “barrowing” carries a high chance of oral sex. Hm…”

    The wording of the “promise” is amusing, also. Notice that it’s not, “Promise I will not try to get oral sex in it,” it’s “promise I will try NOT to get oral sex in it.”

    In other words, there’s going to be so many people offering him oral sex that he will have to try really hard to avoid them all.

    This just has “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” written all over it. (Minus Cameron, which is too bad. Cameron is the heart of that movie. Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s about Ferris, but Cameron is the only one who grows as a person and learns anything about himself over the course of the day. Plus it’s Alan Ruck, and he’s just cool.)

    Anyway, for those of you with Ferraris, this young man with nothing to offer you but breaded meat would like to barrow your car, probably take it for a joyride, and try not to get oral sex in it. What could possibly go wrong with this plan?

  • YSaC, Vol. 218: Oh, and a Betamax too.

    128mb CompactFlash Memory Card

    For a digital camera. Like new. What do you have?

    Well, let’s see here. I’ve got one of them there newfangled push-button phones, an Atari Jaguar, and a machine that can play both cassettes AND 8-tracks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 204: Well, that’s all right then.

    do u need hair extension ? i need a foot massage, pedicure. and fren – $1500

    Hi my name is rene I do hair extensions for model, strippers,porno stars, etc. The best virgin hair w the best techniques. I need u to do my pedicure. Foot massage, frenchtip. These job have to be done at my home. If you do not have the skills to do it , do not try to practice on me, but if you have a talking bird it would be acceptable.

    Of course it would. Talking birds make everything better. Not even remotely qualified to perform surgery? Get a talking bird, and you’ll be doing appendectomies in an hour. No idea how to repair cars? You need yourself a talking bird! Incapable of shooting from the three-point line? Talking bird.

    Too bad I only have Tahiti Sam … I’ll never get to practice my mad pedicure skillz.

    Submitted by Lauren — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 203: What has been seen cannot be un-seen.

    Some of you may remember this post, which involved someone trying to sell these hideous “Garfield” and “Teddy Bear” costumes.

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    I just wanted to highlight something that “Kelly” pointed out in the comments to that post:

    “Whoa, is it just me or does the guy in the bear suit have his junk hanging out through a hole in the crotch?”

    What think ye, YSaC-ers? Have we been dick-rolled?