You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: punctuationally challenged

  • YSaC, Vol. 319: At least he’s a self-aware dumbass.

    shy me – 22

    I’m a dumb ass , now i have to take a bus cause they took my dl(got one month left), have abit of a problem with a head and some of my friends tell me im an asshole ,got no front teeth, live in my parents basement ,never finish or if i think about it never stared the school that would explain my spelling(i thik the last homework i did was in 3 grade) and on top of it all just lost my job(god that looks bad)ha but so far in last six years that i spend in canada over all i did allrigt, i’m 5.11, 165pounds,still got my 6 (not like its matters)im white ,well fit ,grey eyes,with dirty blonde hair,intelegent inaf to realize the level of my personal stupidity,sick and tierd of the mind games shit,will not lie or betray.
    If some one ask me what i’m looking for in the girl i gona have to say that she must be well fit,able to think(i hate stupidity) and she cant be to much of a bitch everything else dont realy matter
    So if u think u can deal with the sad reality a have just presented send me an e mail and we go from there
    O ye i do have good sence of humor (i can laugh at my self)

    This is like a litany of personals sadness. Lost his drivers license, his friends think he’s a jerk, lives at home, dropped out of school, unemployed … wow. At least he claims he can laugh at himself. What’s the line from Hedwig and the Angry Inch? “I have to laugh … because I’ll cry if I don’t.” That seems apropos here.

    I think we might actually have to start that “I can’t imagine why you’re still single” tag. That’s a bit long, though — any suggestions about a shorter tag name?

  • YSaC, Vol. 318: I steal mufflers — can I still apply?

    Black Widow Milking Specialist

    Well It looks like it’s come to do this Guys, The Goverment has ran out of Guinie pigs

    You should consider this postion if normal people consider you different,
    All people are normal until you get to know them!!

    To my fellow “___________________” professionals. C’mon Admit it,
    Do you want to give up Sign waving, picking up bottles and cans,
    jumping on the light rail without paying. Do you want to give up
    holding out a sign on busy street medians hoping to get hit,
    then suing the driver? Are you tired of telling people you have a job
    when in fact all you do is stealing Catalytic Converters.
    Would you, Should you for good, if you could ?

    If you would like a way to supplement or to totally replace your current
    income, and maybe I could convince you to try something a little different !!

    If you have Ph-d from Kindergarten you might need to contact me
    If You Haven’t found a job, since my last CL ad you need to contact me
    If you are a single-mom or stay-at-home person you might need to contact me
    If you are non-minority or a part of a major minority you might need to contact me
    If you are physically disabled or slightly mentally disabled you might need to contact me
    If you take a shower at the skate board park bathroom sinks you might need to contact me
    If you are under-employed, over-employed, or unhappily employed you might need to contact me
    If you are an non-English speaker or born and raised here and still can’t speak right, you might need to contact me

    Contact me for Date and time on the next hiring seminar.

    [location], Sacramento Ca 95833-3508

    ([directions], North to the Univ Of Phoniex Bldg)

    Bring
    1. A Collared Shirt (women you know what I mean)
    2. Bring no money, you won’t need it
    Ladies and everyone reading this. Minorities, Students, Retired are highly encouraged to attend.
    This is the most Equal OPP you will ever get !!
    xxx-xxx-xxxx (Call me anytime 24 hours)
    xxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com

    Best I can tell from a little googling, the address leads to a school for crane operators. It might have been useful for him to say that. Instead he spends the ad insulting his potential recruits and then misspelling the name of the location. (Maybe one of his pitches should have been, “If you can’t spell University of Phoenix, you might need to contact me.”)

    What does it say about me that every time I see “Equal OPP” the first thing that goes through my head is, “Yeah, you know me!”

    Thanks for sending this one in, Heather!

  • YSaC, Vol. 311: Let him who has the fat wallet …

    authentic polaroid picture of jesus – $100000

    this photo was taken by my mom,she doesnt even know I have it,she is a die hard jesus fanatic every day all day.thats why I know its him,other than the fact that in the photo he is wearing a robe and a crown with a cross engraved in the middle of it with his hand extended toward my moms shoulder.there is also an angel above him wearing white gloves and she has wings.now for the special part. my moms deceast mother is next to the angel with her hands pressed together in a prayin position and theres a halo around her head.Theyre surrounding my mom.what makes this picture even more special to me is It saved my life . At the time that I most needed god the very first stack of photos that I picked up in search of him or any sign of afterlife and he gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for his son. I only ask that you look at it before you pass judgement, thank you.

    So, wait a minute … your mom is a “die hard Jesus fanatic”, yet you haven’t told her that a polaroid picture of her contains both Jesus AND her “deceast” mother? Wouldn’t this be something she might really want to know?

    And how does one authenticate pictures of Jesus? Is there a certification agency somewhere? Can you take it to the Antiques Roadshow people? I can just see Leslie and Leigh Keno waxing poetic about this picture of Jesus and zombie grandma.

    (And I’m amused, because way, way back in YSaC, Vol. X I threatened to start a zombie grandma tag, but didn’t think I’d ever get to use it again.)

    Thanks to Brian for sending this one in!

  • YSaC, Vol. 308: Let me tell ya about the birds and the …

    selling ford truck – $1200

    $1200 obo this has been a good truck for me but i have to sell it because i cant ever get to it with all of the bees around it they have been in and around it for almost 2 months now and i havent been able to get near 5 feet or else i get stung and im sick of it i still have welts from months ago stingings and i cant even get to work because i cant get to my truck so i have to sell it test drives at ur own risk i cant go with you too many bees 308

    Sara and Geoff both sent this one in. Sara points out that apparently bee stings cause a lack of punctuation.

    I really … just … wow. If anyone has always wanted a truck that has had thousands of bees living in it for months, here’s your opportunity.

  • YSaC, Vol. 306: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    I have no problem with fetishes in general. Sometimes people send me perfectly well-written listings for fetishes like spanking or bondage or S/M — I don’t post these, because as far as I’m concerned, whatever two consenting adults want to do in the privacy of their own home is fine by me.

    These entries deal with a particular fetish that might strike some as odd, but a search reveals that this is a pretty common request on Craigslist. I’m not posting them because I think the fetish is weird; I’m posting them because they’re textbook examples of how not to post fetish requests. Carry on.

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 302: Well, that’s disturbing.

    spencer mason – w4m – 20

    hey spencer.. if you’re reading this… just wanted to say hello… and stuff and yeah we moved to santa clara from san jose.. everythings cool here…finish your studies and get the fuck back into the states. cuz i miss jerking you off in the woods..or at crazy places… hope you read this…write back..
    lots of love…
    mom and son

    i’m attaching a pic of buddy.. he’s at 50 lbs. now

    302

    It’s just a typical love letter, right? You know, the usual — hello, stuff, we moved, I miss jerking you off, write back, love … and then you get to the signature.

    Now, as Charlene points out, it’s probably a nickname for his girlfriend and their pet, “Buddy”, but STILL. I don’t know about the rest of you, but if a letter contains the phrase “jerking you off in the woods,” I personally wouldn’t want the word “Mom” being used anywhere near that.