You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: classy

  • YSaC, Vol. 474: Pam and Tommy ain’t got nothin’ on this one.

    To the person who donated the camcorder to the thrift store.

    It came with a few tapes and one of the tapes is a homemade sex tape. I am wondering if you want it back. the person in the video’s also has a video of a classic musle car in the garage. and videos at the beach. a video showing everything in the house even themself in a mirror and the wife. video of the kids. I didn’t watch the full sex tape but i could see the wife laying with nothing on touching herself and I hit stop. you are lucky someone nice got this. I know some people would put the video online.

    Implied subtext: That’s a really nice sex tape you’ve got there. I’d hate for anything to happen to that sex tape of yours. Sure, some people would put that sex video online. But I never would. Unless you offer me money not to. That’s just how nice I am.

    The moral of today’s story: don’t donate videos to the thrift store! And if you do … well, don’t.

    Thanks for this listing, Rebecca!

  • YSaC, Vol. 459: When the moon hits your eye …

    Words borrowed from other languages can be confusing, y’all. I mean, they don’t sound like they look — or is that they don’t look like they sound?

    Take armoire, for example. Oh, it looks so innocent just sitting there, but don’t let it fool you. It is an evil, evil word. Witness the mayhem it causes on Craigslist — and these are just from the titles of posts!

    Armor
    Amour – $250
    ARMORIES – $500
    2 Amoure, excellent condition (thats’s storage things for guys) – $40
    1950’s antique mirrored amoir – $100
    Entertainment Center/Armwour
    NICE ARMOUR AND DRESSER
    TV Armwaure – $50
    Armory and Piers
    Aromora and Chest of Drawes : Must Go – $10
    Armwor – $500

    (later misspelled again as “aourmor”)

    These listings are courtesy of Jenny, Dani, Sara, Ciera, Cynzano, Ethan, hdickie, Chelsea, KCBlueGal, Steve, and dakota.

    And then there’s Jess, the patron saint of armoire misspellings, who submitted these armoronic treasures:

    Mahogany Amoire
    TV armiore/entertainment center
    Armoir – TV Entertainment Center – $125
    Mirror Armore for sale – $150
    Armoure with drawers and hanging rack
    Pier 1 Imports Amore’ – $250
    Cabinet Admoir closet – $225

    I think my favorites are the armwaure (just keep adding letters, you’ll get there eventually!) and Amore’. (It’s foreign, it must require an accent, right? But don’t bother figuring out how to actually make an accent, just use an apostrophe.)

    I also like the condescending yet misspelled and ungrammatical “thats’s storage thing for guys” — I’m unclear on whether this person thinks that only males may use an armoire, or whether they think that guys are too uncultured to know what an armoire is. Dan thinks that it means that that’s where one stores one’s guys … um, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go clean out my armoire before Dan looks in there.

  • YSaC, Vol. 453: [Error: age must be a real number.]

    Summer fun with your Daughter? – w4m

    Hi, New to area, looking for open-minded man for some fun. I am ”’ lb. and have ish hair and blue eyes. Would like to find a play mate for kinky role playing encounters for my boyfriend and I , must be open-minded. Looking for someone who loves to recieve oral and give facials! Those with a pic on profile will get first response. Would prefer them to be local and with in the age limit of

    Aunty Christ sends this ad in, saying, “This is great because (1) The headline alone is priceless. But the idea of “summer fun with your daughter” in conjunction with kinky role playing, facials, and oral is pretty gag-worthy. (2) I have ish hair too! We will get along wonderfully. (3) This was posted in “strictly platonic.” Someone needs to explain some words to some people. Or ‘people.’ “

  • YSaC, Vol. 431: Serious cat does not LOL.

    Animal Print – $45

    Large Animal print collection from Home Interior
    obo

    Only serious people respond – I am not looking to buy, sell, or engage in other activities on this website – so please do not bother me with other offers! I am a very serious person!

    433

    I am Serious Lion. This is serious post. Serious, I say! Serious Lion is not interested in your solicitations to view your webcam or refinance my mortgage. Serious Lion will not send money to Nigeria via Western Union. Serious Lion is only interested in sitting here, and being serious. And a lion. Because I am Serious Lion.

    (Before anyone yells at me, follow the “lion” link. I know it’s not a lion.)

    Thanks, Lesley!

  • YSaC, Vol. 412: It’s not like the name is on the box or anything.

    Trogan Magnum Condoms

    I recently decided to get brave and see if I fit into these bad boys. I bought 2 boxes and decided I didn’t “measure” up. So I’m giving the other box away to the lucky person who is responsible enough to not want to soak up all of the tax money that I am currently spending on people that “slipped” up and now rely on the state to help them out with their situation. Send me an email and they’re yours!

    As Martha points out, this ad has it all: Illiteracy! Condescension! Self-emasculation! Superiority complex! Free condoms!

    Thanks, Martha!

  • YSaC, Vol. 395: Fun with midgets, part 2.

    Need Midget To Drink With

    Group of single male/females that party together on a regular basis are seeking a person of short stature (midget) to hang out with. Do not get us wrong…. This is purely for novelty purposes, but if you’re cool you can really be our friend. Total plus if you are an Asian Midget, with a drinking problem, who has no issues being referred to as Godzilla.

    P.S. We will buy all the beer.

    Translation: We’re asshats.

    Topless Poker Dealer

    Looking for one topless female poker dealer for a house cash game on Saturday July 18th, 2009. We are looking for someone who is hot, so if your old and washed up please don’t even bother applying for this gig. We want a hot, 21-32yr old female with a fabulous rack, nice features and a good sense of humor. Im not going to be rude and put a weight limit in this post but you know who are you, so don’t apply. If your not exactly sure how to deal poker its okay as long as your smoking hot with nice tits we can work around that part. It will pay $10 per hour plus tips and free drinks, shots, etc.

    If you are a Midget you will get front of the line consideration even if you don’t want to go topless.

    Please apply via email with a photo and contact info.

    -Brad P.

    Translation: We’re asshats too, but for additional reasons beyond our midget fascination.

    midgit for birthday party

    I am looking for a midgit for Wednesday night July 29th 2009 to appear at [place] in [location]. All drinks will be provided and a minimum of $50 in tips. A party attitude is a must! We are nice people and are just looking to have a good time with you!

    I’m still a little unclear on when having a token midget friend became the the holy grail of hipsterdom. Then again, I’m most definitely not a hipster.

    Thanks, Lindsay O., Tyler, and Josh, for more midget mania!