You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 453: [Error: age must be a real number.]

Written by

drmk

in

,

Summer fun with your Daughter? – w4m

Hi, New to area, looking for open-minded man for some fun. I am ”’ lb. and have ish hair and blue eyes. Would like to find a play mate for kinky role playing encounters for my boyfriend and I , must be open-minded. Looking for someone who loves to recieve oral and give facials! Those with a pic on profile will get first response. Would prefer them to be local and with in the age limit of

Aunty Christ sends this ad in, saying, “This is great because (1) The headline alone is priceless. But the idea of “summer fun with your daughter” in conjunction with kinky role playing, facials, and oral is pretty gag-worthy. (2) I have ish hair too! We will get along wonderfully. (3) This was posted in “strictly platonic.” Someone needs to explain some words to some people. Or ‘people.’ “

Comments

53 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 453: [Error: age must be a real number.]”

  1. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Let’s see, “” lbs, ish hair, with in (sic) the age limit of . That leaves me out. And my daughter. And my entire family. Good luck with this, poster.

    1. MsDolfinn Avatar
      MsDolfinn

      ish hair, is that what they call the Kate Gosselin haircut?

      1. Linnee Avatar
        Linnee

        I call Kate Gosselin’s hair “ick.”

    2. D / DM Avatar
      D / DM

      I think “ish” hair is an unfortunate typo– she actually has “African Fish” hair, but the rest of the phrase was accidentally deleted.

  2. Heather Avatar
    Heather

    Anytime anyone asks, I am now ”’ lbs. Take that, weight-guessing carnival game!!! I see many oversized stuffed Tiggers in my future.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I was ”, but now I’m ”’. Damn mozzarella sticks; damn you and your tiny tubs of spaghetti sauce.

  3. Dotour Avatar
    Dotour

    hypercorrect – of, relating to, or characterized by the production of a nonstandard linguistic form or construction on the basis of a false analogy (Merriam-Webster)

    Shame on you for using “my boyfriend and I” as an object phrase. My eighth grade English teacher would be appalled, to say the least.

    1. frigglesnitz Avatar
      frigglesnitz

      I think I am least appalled by that particular issue in the ad.

  4. Meredith Avatar
    Meredith

    Okay, this was posted in “strictly platonic”? So let’s give the poster the benefit of the doubt.

    “a play mate for kinky role playing encounters for my boyfriend”

    —-“We will require you to dress in Medieval knights robes and entertain us with demonstrations from your vast Slinky collection”.

    “Looking for someone who loves to recieve oral and give facials”

    —-“Someone who will sit through hours of recitations of my one act plays. Also must be a licensed esthetician”.

    Oh, and the title of the post?

    “Summer fun with your Daughter? – w4m”

    —W”e don’t have kids, but would love to borrow yours for the afternoon! Free babysitting!!!”

    See, nothing skeezy about it…so get your mind out of the gutter!

    1. Meredith Avatar
      Meredith

      Thank you, thank you very much. I’m here all week.

      Try the veal and tip your cigarette gals.

  5. Tacomagic Avatar
    Tacomagic

    Winter depression with your Sun;! w4m4w

    Hi, I’m a $ lb male with ing hair and brown eyes. I like to give and recieve facials and would be willing to join in your kinky sex. Don’t bother replying to this unless you’re interested in MALETRAITS2.

  6. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    That posting title triggered the song “Summer Nights” from Grease to play in my head … but the needle on the record STOPPED when I got to kinky role playing. Unless that was in the play. I only saw the movie.

    1. Irregular Fractal Avatar
      Irregular Fractal

      No, it wasn’t in there. Grease with kinky role-playing would’ve easily been the worst musical I had ever seen. And that includes an elementary school production of Hair.

      1. Tacomagic Avatar
        Tacomagic

        The juxtaposition here is that kinky role-playing often involves grease.

      2. nix.skrib Avatar
        nix.skrib

        You haven’t seen High School Musical?

  7. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    Would dressing up as a nun and giving them much-needed English lessons qualify as role playing? If this ad is representative of their work, I can guarantee knuckle raps and maybe some paddling.

    1. Lo W. Avatar
      Lo W.

      Best part of drmk’s commentary: the category “Turing test = fail”. I think I will begin applying that to other parts of my life, not just CL.

  8. JcT Avatar
    JcT

    Okay, I am completely lost. The title makes me want to hunt this person down and remove them from the Earth (do not EVER mess with my children) but then the missing stuff like weight, hair, and age, makes me think it is a bot posting. Now I am in a “HUH???” state.

    Then there is the “my boyfriend and I” line. Ignoring the obvious Grammar Slap, does this thing really sound like something a woman would write? This just sounds too much like something a Mr. Pervy would post. Maybe he thought it would be more believable if it came from the “kinky girlfriend” perspective.

    I can only hope that the police contacted him. Or at least that guy on TV with the pedophile sting show.

    1. Addicted Reader Avatar
      Addicted Reader

      Awesome new avatar!

    2. Count Blah Avatar
      Count Blah

      I’ve been on a number of personals sites and there are always tons of ads from attached women looking for threesomes (usually with another woman though). Yeah, some of the ads may have been written under duress or just outright written by the boyfriend, but probably not all of them.

      If there’s anything I’ve learned from being online, it’s that you can find someone who’s into anything. Even giving oral and receiving facials.

    3. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Ooh, Chris Hansen! I love his predator-trap shows, my favorite was the asschapeau who actually stripped after the bait left the room. He should do a series of CraigsList shows.

      1. Meredith Avatar
        Meredith

        “To Catch a CraigsLister”

        I’m seeing the set up now….and I’m laughing too hard to type it out at work. I’ll be back with this one.

    4. Meredith Avatar
      Meredith

      Grammar Slap=WIN!

      Oh, Lord, I just used internet speak in everyday conversation. I’m doomed.

  9. Esponja Avatar
    Esponja

    Hahahaha, priceless! And very disturbing…

  10. Count Blah Avatar
    Count Blah

    “Those with a pic on profile will get first response.”

    Huh. A bot posting recycled from another site.

  11. Addicted Reader Avatar
    Addicted Reader

    Oooh oooh, I’ve figured it out! There are no numbers in this post b/c the poster was using the numerical keypad on “her” keyboard, but had num lock turned off! I’ve done that before. Hence no height, weight, or age.

    Still doesn’t explain the lack of proofreading or total skeeviness, though.

    1. Mimi Avatar
      Mimi

      How would that explain the “ish” hair though? 12ish? 47ish? Perhaps 69ish, but that sends my imagination to a place it doesn’t have permission to visit.

      1. Addicted Reader Avatar
        Addicted Reader

        Yeah, I noticed that after I posted. Oops.

        Still falls under the general lack of proofreading, though.

    2. emsies Avatar
      emsies

      it may be that the skeeviness lock was turned on?

  12. Fraulein N Avatar
    Fraulein N

    My new hairdo is the ish, actually.

  13. HorribleLicensePlates Avatar
    HorribleLicensePlates

    This CL post is ish.

  14. Sherri Avatar
    Sherri

    The influence of porn movies goes on — or I read too much feminist propaganda. I think I will go read some more, right after I reread “Eats, Shoots & Leaves.”

    1. mudslicker Avatar
      mudslicker

      Love the botanical reference!

    2. JcT Avatar
      JcT

      I love that book. My mother asked for it for her birthday one year, and so I got the chance to read it. It is written as if my mom wrote it. They’re, their, and there, you’re and your, its and it’s. You name it, she was on top of it. It was her gentle corrections that kept me on the straight and narrow grammar highway.

      1. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/2009/10/you-probably-need-to-buy-this.html

        Like a grammar slap in a sticker. 8)

    3. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I thought it was a book.

  15. Monica Hamburg Avatar
    Monica Hamburg

    Dear Kinky Girl,

    I am ” turned on by your post. I would love to meet you. I’ll be at the ” cafe at ish! Looking forward to meeting you!

    I’ll be the _ wearing the

    1. Tacomagic Avatar
      Tacomagic

      Oh dear, I wouldn’t wear that to a blind date. You need to consider something more conservative.

      I mean really, people who wear those kinds of outfits look like

      1. Monica Hamburg Avatar
        Monica Hamburg

        You are so right! What do you think of the “? It’s my very favorite as it was given to me by my dear . before the

        1. Tacomagic Avatar
          Tacomagic

          I think that would be

  16. queensbee Avatar
    queensbee

    now that i’m home from exile – cant read this site at work. grrr. i waited all day to read this. and i get this skeevey jerk. listen bud, i happen to like facials. just not with you, for you, by you…. ewwwww. sorry, i have to go drink myself into oblivion because of what’s planted in my head after reading this post….

    1. Steph Avatar
      Steph

      I don’t get it; what are you–

      *suddenly understands*

      Hey, wait up; I’ll go with you!

  17. Mrphysic Avatar
    Mrphysic

    Unrelated comment title referring to a random member of your family?

    Hi, I’m new to YSaC, looking for some open-minded commenters for lots of sarcastic fun. I have no discernible features worth mentioning. ish. Looking for someone who loves to receive replies and give grammar slaps! Those with a pic have probably got too much time on their hands. Would prefer you to be people with no other discernible qualities.

  18. katee Avatar
    katee

    To be honest, I have ‘ish’ hair too–it’s dark, but blonde, but sort of a grey-black color at the same time, depending on the day and if it curled and blah blah blah. Saying ish makes things a little faster. Still, I haven’t been able to weigh myself in punctuation since I developed fingers and started looking more like a frog than a tadpole.

    Those were the days…

  19. vickie Avatar
    vickie

    I am amazed that no one ran with the “fun with your daughter?” but it’s a w4m!! are they also looking for a transvestite? or someone who is transgendered? or hermaphroditic?

    1. Jen Avatar
      Jen

      Well, it IS a girl looking for a kinky role play witha guy, maybe she wants to pretend to be his daughter?

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        Ew. Just ew.

        I’m going to use this rusty spoon to take out my eyes and wash them in bleach. I hope that will remove the images that put in my head.

        *squishing noise*

        AAAAAHHHHH! AAAAAHHHHH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL WHICH IS MERCIFUL AND GOOD, MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!!

        *contented sigh*

        That’s much better. Now I just have to keep from looking up at…

        Damn it.

        Where did I put that spoon?

      2. Meredith Avatar
        Meredith

        That was my guess.

        speaking of which, there’s an even ewwier story out right now. A guy actually hit on a 13 year old girl…KNOWING it was his daughter!!!

        Sometimes I think a clear case can be made for mass human bonfires.

  20. DanTM Avatar
    DanTM

    Open-minded? Why yes, I’m in the middle of receiving a lobotomy, actually.
    Local? I’m the localest guy you’ll ever meet!
    Pic on profile? Yeah, it’s this really cool pic of a blue and white square/triangular pattern that’s rotationally symmetric!
    Like receiving oral and giving facials? I can do both simultaneously!

    Ewwww, grossed myself out there.

  21. emsies Avatar
    emsies

    This has called up childhood memories. No, not the oral and facials. When I was scared, I used to wander around murmuring “ish, ish, ish…”

    It may be that this is the w’s cry for help? Maybe her boyfriend had a gun to her head and this was the only clue that she was able to sneak past his grammatical tyranny?

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I did that, too. I would spell the word ‘apple’ over and over to myself whenever I got frightened. Don’t know why I picked that word, there’s just something rythmic about it. I still do it when I get stressed out.

    2. Christian Avatar
      Christian

      “This has called up childhood memories. No, not the oral and facials.”

      *cliché involving fizzy caffeinated beverage and its dispersal onto my keyboard*

  22. Aaron Avatar
    Aaron

    He he he… 🙂 Gotta love spambot failures.

    (And in case someone’s not familiar with English/US units: The ”’ lb. part is probably height (in feet [‘] and inches [“]) and weight (in pounds [lbs.]) with the numbers missing.)

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