You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: disingenuous

  • YSaC, Vol. 306: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    I have no problem with fetishes in general. Sometimes people send me perfectly well-written listings for fetishes like spanking or bondage or S/M — I don’t post these, because as far as I’m concerned, whatever two consenting adults want to do in the privacy of their own home is fine by me.

    These entries deal with a particular fetish that might strike some as odd, but a search reveals that this is a pretty common request on Craigslist. I’m not posting them because I think the fetish is weird; I’m posting them because they’re textbook examples of how not to post fetish requests. Carry on.

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 267: ‘Monogamous Gerbils’ would be a terrible name for a band.

    There’s two entries today, Vol. 266 and 267, so be sure to scroll down. (This was an accident, but I’m going to leave it that way and pretend I meant to do that. You may fawn obsequiously in the comments.)

    All it takes is one… – w4m – 26

    “Nice girl with a big heart looking for a sweat guy. I like bathes and showers as well. Most people only like one if that!!! I like to keep my options open. Tired of being pushed around and mistreeted. Iwant someone who respects me for who I am and knows how to treat a cute girl. Being able to listen to lots of opinions I might have when I’m drunk is always a plus. So is knowing how to handle a gerbil. I have 7 and they are like my kids, I luv them, alot!!! N*E*WAYZ I will go now if you want to know more just ask, I’m an open book. i prefer at least 6 inchers. I can deal with less but it’s not near as fun. no small weiners! lol “

    Why is this in quotes? Is it a transcription? Was she dictating this to someone?

    It’s a good thing she likes baths and showers if she’s going to be looking for a sweat guy.

    I’m still trying to figure out the “N*E*WAYZ I will go now”  bit. I mean, I know what it means, but why would someone write that in a personal ad? It sounds like something a third grader would write in a letter to a penpal. “Dear Jimmy, How is your summer? My summer is fun. I went to camp and then went bowling. N*E*WAYZ I have to go now, it’s time for dinner. Johnny”

    And I’m hoping I’m not the only one who (at first) thought that ‘6 inchers’ referred back to the gerbils.

    As a special Friday bonus, here’s a series of ads sent in by Tonya. I’m leaving the dates intact on this series for a reason… (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 242: Next, we take blankets away from the homeless.

    Will trade food for fruit tree or bush

    My husband and I bought 2 bags of food for the food bank and drove around looking for it for an hour, finally found it and it was closed. I figure there is somebody out there who likes soups, spongebob macaroni and cheese and various other instant foods. If you have a fruit tree that you are looking to get rid of or a blueberry bush with an established root stock then let’s swap!

    So let me get this right …. you bought food that you planned to donate, and now just because the food bank was closed, you want to trade the food that you planned to donate for a fruit tree or blueberry bush.

    In other words, you now want to get something for the food that you had initially planned to give away to the needy. That’s mighty philanthropic of you.

    And, on top of it, you’re offering to trade that needy someone some instant foods (that they will use up) in exchange for a fruiting plant/bush that will continue to produce food. That doesn’t sound like a good trade to me. If you offered me a choice between Spongebob macaroni and a blueberry bush, I know which one I would take.

    Thanks, Alyssa! That’s two in a row!

  • YSaC, Vol. 238: The extra w is for extra WTF …

    Amazing Web Designs – $299

    You can create your website with our Incredible Website Builder or simply have our design team do the work for you. The only website solutions company that lets you change the complete design of your site at the click of a mouse to keep your entire content intact or request our designers to do the work for you! (your site’s visitors can enjoy a fresh new look every time they visit your site!)
    Nine Great Reasons Why Your Website Should Be Designed By [Company Name].com

    1. The only website solutions company with a stunning photo album that comes with absolutely cool zoom, pan and auto sizing features!
    2. The only website builder that lets you add your own videos (promotional, informational, sales etc.) to provide instant interactivity and adds unmatched impact to your site!
    3. The only website solutions company that lets you add your favorite MP3s and lets your site visitors enjoy them with a built in trendy mp3 player!
    4. The only website solutions company that lets you add catchy greeting cards with personalized messages to create that special bond with your site visitors!
    5. The only website solutions company that lets you change the complete design of your site at the click of a mouse to keep your entire content intact or request our designers to do the work for you! (your site’s visitors can enjoy a fresh new look every time they visit your site!)
    6. The only website solutions company that lets you add a stunning online store with up to 240 products and comes fully integrated with Paypal!
    7. The only Service that lets you receive Important Contact Enquiries from your website Instantly to your Mobile anywhere in the World !
    8. The only website solutions company that lets you Record Live Video directly from your WebCam and publish it to your website Instantly.
    9. The only website solutions company that offers Integrated Search Engine Submission Service to Top Search Engines in the World like Google, AOL, MSN Live etc! (This extra service is only $89.)

    Visit our very informative website at http://wwww.[Company Name].com

    Or Call Toll-Free xxxx-xxxx-xxxx

    And, as John (the submitter) points out, the only website company who can’t spell “www”! (In addition to having four w’s in the text, the actual link directed to “wwww.[CompanyName].com” as well, meaning that you got an error message if you clicked on the link to visit their page.)

    On top of that, the rest of the things they offer are (a) things that any decent website builder can do or (b) things that nobody should want any decent website builder to do.

    “Lets you change the complete design of your site at the click of a mouse”? Um, yeah, that’s called a style sheet or theme.

    “Your site’s visitors can enjoy a fresh new look every time they visit your site”? Let me, a non-web design professional, count the ways in which that’s a good idea. Okay, I’m done — I counted zero ways in which that’s a good idea. And just to be sure, I counted twice.

    And apparently they’ve cornered the market on adding annoying mp3s and videos to their websites. Somebody let MySpace know that they’ve got competition.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXL

    Brand New Samsung BL103 with Case and 1GB Sandisk – $150

    Red Samsung BL103. 10.2MP Digital Camera w/ 3x Optical Zoom, Face Detection, Advanced Shake Reduction, & 2.7″ LCD Display.
    Brand New with Box, never opened, never used. Comes with Sansung Case and 1GB Memory Card.

    Please email or call xxx-xxx-xxxx if interesting.

    You mean this exact camera bundle, which you can buy — with the “Sansung” case and 1GB memory card — for $79 on Walmart’s website? (Screenshot below.)

    And you’re asking $150 for it? Slimy. Very slimy.

    Submitted by Martha — Thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CIV

    Friends From the Pharmecy – $5

    I’m completely ritalin, wait, no, I mean riddlin. Riddlin as to how I’m going to get tickets for tonights’ SPEED-metal “concerta”, oh, excuse me, I meant concert, yeah, that was my bad.

    E-mail me, its faster(!) get it?!? “FASTER”! wow I’m awesome!!!!

    Subtle. Very subtle. Wait, no, I mean stupid.

    I should start a “Humanity is doomed” tag.