You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: humanity is doomed

  • YSaC, Vol. 356: Edjoocashun is four loosers.

    Need Your HomeWork Done

    Do you know that your kids are failing a class because they don’t do there homework. Well now you can gett help from us. We do all kinds of home work. We specialize in math, history, and many more subgects
    email us for more information

    Mich sends this one in, saying, “I shur hope one of there subgects is English becuase thats were I need to gett help and I can see there good at it.”

    Clearly your kid’s problems in school will go away if you simply have someone else do their homework for them. Because, you know, kids are never tested on things they learn by doing their homework. Or maybe these people have mastered the art of learning by osmosis — they do the homework, and your kid somehow magically learns what the capital of Paraguay is.

    And, of course, these things are never alone:

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 352: “Born on Memorial Day” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

    do you want to hang somewhere for memorial day? – 40

    Date: 2009-07-03, 11:17AM EDT

    come and join us for memorial day starts today and tomorrow alot of drinks and food, music all are welcome

    Dan sends this one in, saying, “Notice the date. I can understand confusing Labor Day with Memorial Day, maybe. But … it’s the 4th of July! How do you get the date confused?”

    Maybe they’re just getting an early start on 2010’s Memorial Day celebration. See, it says it starts today and tomorrow — it doesn’t say when it ends. Besides, this was posted in w4m. They’re obviously looking for men with enough, erm, stamina to keep partying.

    Oh come ON, people. It’s the FOURTH OF JULY. It’s right there in the name. It’s not like the Fourth of July takes place on September 23rd or something. Nobody else could make that mistake, right? Right?

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 349: At least she’s not a wrapper.

    im a female raper and singer looking for management

    Hi i a m an up incoming artist in search of good management.I have lots of songs recorded I just need a boost in my career I have a nice hot look most important I have talent. If you want to check out my pics leave me an email and I will responde my email is xxxxx2004xxxxx@yahoo.com are ashleyblondemodeltype1@xxxxxxxxxxxx r call me by phone for serious people only please xxxxxxxxxx ask for ashley

    Yup, that’s right, folks …. she’s an up incoming female raper.

    What a difference a “p” makes, huh?

  • YSaC, Vol. 340: I think I’m turning … Part 2.

    This was posted in the personals section of the Osaka Craigslist:

    Hi – 28

    Im a single guy looking for a japanese women whos single and willing to relocate. I work full time for [name] hight school its good pay but great benifits. Im also an auto painter by trade so i like to stay buesy. I got a little shop ware i do my paint work when needed or when i want alittle extra cash. But the school is my maine job and is a state job and will get a pesion when i retier and i do invest into a 403k. Im doing ok for my age. that my work life.

    I enjoy movies and walks and going out for a bite to eat. I love all music as long as i can understand what thare trying say. I realy enjoy the import car seen i love imports so i need an import wife in my life lol (^V^) that will top me off i think. At this moment i share a home with my mother her and my father are going threw a brake up or devorces if u like. So im liveing with her to help her on some of her payments untile shes clear of them. I do drink but im not an every dayer and i smok i stoped for six months and just started agin. What was i thinking? I also enjoy sports indy car raceing and amrican foot ball and hockey. I played hockey all most my hole life.
    Im only going to reply to pic with photos and no site links. Im looking for some one real. If you know some english thats a pluse but i do not juge people my thare lingo.

    Other than that i to meet someone from japyland.

    Please write some stuff about your self so i know your real and seroues to.

    If you are a japanese women who is (are?) willing to relocate to a relatively small town in upstate NY to be with someone who works for a high school, you might want answers to the following questions:

    1. What is his “maine” job at the high school? And what is a 403k? I’ve heard of 401(k)s, and 403(b)s, but this appears to be some combination of the two.
    2. Import car = import wife. Nice. Do you expect to be able to trade her in after she’s got a few thousand miles on her?

    I really hope he’s not a teacher. He doesn’t “juge people my thare lingo.” Too bad I do.

    And … really? japyland? If he’s lucky, maybe she can teach him the Asian language.

    Thanks to Ems for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 338: Then again, my baby pictures ARE kind of embarrassing …

    Old photos and letters (home)

    Possablly free please since its for school and work. I need old photos for a project and i would take care of them. I mean old letters and photos from before 1980’s. I am hoping i can get for free and possablly keep if that be ok. If not i would give back. Please tell me in an email what you got and how many. and if you want them back or not. P.S.
    If you dont let me use them and possablly keep them for free i cant work with it sorry i dont have money to spend thats why i hope free please.
    P.S.
    Photos of the items in an email first so i see if it is usable. I need these so bad. My HS grade depends on them plus my college grade.

    A couple of things here:

    1. Since when did pre-1980s become OLD? [Now get the hell off my lawn, you damned kids.]
    2. How can both a high school grade AND a college grade depend on whether or not you can find someone to give you/loan you old photographs and letters? How can it be for school and work? What kind of project is this?
    3. How can someone possibly spell possibly as possablly? And possibly more important, how can that person possibly go to college?

    I can just see someone thinking to themselves, “You know, we don’t actually USE those letters that Grandpa wrote to Grandma while he was in the Army during the war … let’s let this nice kid have them for his project so he can pass high school and college.”

    Thanks to Martha — seriously, Martha, WHAT is wrong with people where you live?

  • YSaC, Vol. 336: Pay no attention to the pointsettia behind the curtain.

    My first test posting do not reply – $100

    This is only a test from me to me.

    333

    Um.

    Okay, then. Move along, nothing to see here.

    What’s even more strange is that this was originally posted on May 9th; as I’m writing this, it is May 29th. Once you’ve figured out how to post things on Craigslist, wouldn’t you maybe think about going back and deleting your test post? Maybe?

    Thanks for the submission, Krisha!