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YSaC, Vol. 356: Edjoocashun is four loosers.

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drmk

in

Need Your HomeWork Done

Do you know that your kids are failing a class because they don’t do there homework. Well now you can gett help from us. We do all kinds of home work. We specialize in math, history, and many more subgects
email us for more information

Mich sends this one in, saying, “I shur hope one of there subgects is English becuase thats were I need to gett help and I can see there good at it.”

Clearly your kid’s problems in school will go away if you simply have someone else do their homework for them. Because, you know, kids are never tested on things they learn by doing their homework. Or maybe these people have mastered the art of learning by osmosis — they do the homework, and your kid somehow magically learns what the capital of Paraguay is.

And, of course, these things are never alone:

Math Tudor

I’m 16years old and will help your kindergarden-2nd grade with their math homework. I’m very calm with children i will never lose my cool with kids i love kids and i wil also babysit them to if u need it i’ll also babysit younger kids.

tudor K-5th Grade (lessons & tudoring)

I am an experienced, credentialed elementary school teacher.

If your child struggles with homework and tests, can’t keep up with classwork, or just wants to get ahead, email me.

I offer tudoring in:
* Reading
* Writing
* Mathematics
* Study Skills
* Phonics
* Vocabulary

$30 an Hour
I’ll come to your home in Orange County.

I look forward to meeting your child’s needs.

What on earth would a kindergarten student need “tudoring” in? Lining up for the drinking fountain? Napping? Not drowning in the sandbox? It is reassuring to know that a sixteen year old can do math at a 2nd grade level. Too bad she can’t write at one. She was doing well enough with the first sentence, and then ended up in run-on chatspeakland.

And is it really asking too much out of society to expect that an “experienced, credentialed elementary school teacher” would know how to spell tutor? Maybe she needs to lay off of the phonics for a little while, and to rely less on a medial flap than on a dictionary. [Editor update: we appear to have killed the “medial flap” link.] For the love of Merriam AND Webster, the word tutoring is IN THE NAME OF THE CATEGORY IN WHICH YOU PLACED THE AD!

Thanks to Jennifer for the math tudor ad!

Comments

34 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 356: Edjoocashun is four loosers.”

  1. joe Avatar
    joe

    Tudor! What will they come up with next? Crazy Craigslisters. I love that I can be amazed by people’s stupidity every day. Thanks for the service, YSaC.

  2. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    I checked to see if you added the “humanity is doomed” tag and was relieved(?) to see it’s the first one.

    I’m going to go lay down now.

    1. Heather Avatar
      Heather

      Don’t you mean LIE down? Heh heh.

      1. isaac Avatar
        isaac

        Actually, Colleen is one of those strange chickens that has yolks under her feathers and eggs full of down. So in this case, her grammar is unpeckable.

  3. Amy H. Avatar
    Amy H.

    But, but, but…. I thought Tutors were those peoplez from that Englandz place???

    1. Jerod Poore Avatar
      Jerod Poore

      1) They probably are down-on-their-luck English nobility. By offering their services as Tudors they appeal to those parents who don’t have the resources, but still want to send their kids off to one of those expensive private schools for the very, very rich that seem to exist only on TV.

      2) Face it, lolcat is becoming the lingua franca of the InterTubes. Even if parents noticed the errors they may want to give their kids a leg-up on the future. I.e. Idiocracy is The Shape of Things to Come of the 21st Century.

      1. Kitten Avatar
        Kitten

        And it has electrolytes!

        1. DW Avatar
          DW

          It’s what plants crave. And Tudors.

  4. FunnyGal KAT Avatar
    FunnyGal KAT

    I weep for the children. It’s not bad enough that they are failing kindergarten, but now we place their futures in the hands of people who can’t even spell the job they’re hoping to have?!? Yikes.

  5. Children of the 90s Avatar
    Children of the 90s

    As someone who majored in education and had to complete endless sessions of peer reviewing classmates’ papers, I can safely say that many of the real live experienced, credentialed educators are not much more qualified. These kids are probably just as well off going with a “tudor”.

    I’m also a big fan of the “humanity is doomed” tag.

    1. Colleen in MA Avatar
      Colleen in MA

      Personally, I would use the “humanity is doomed” tag on every single freakin’ post on this blog.

      And I would also use that tag on many of the people and situations that I find myself dealing with.

      Yeah, I’m getting a little crazy. And I’m not really a mean or pessimistic person. Somebody stop me!!!

      … goes back to lying in the fetal position … my only excuse is that today is a full moon …

      1. Lola Avatar
        Lola

        While chatting with family over last weekend, I uttered “humanity is doomed” to my cousin in response to something he said. He agreed. It is a multi-purpose descriptor … unfortunately.

        1. tigprincess Avatar
          tigprincess

          Can someone make a “humanity is doomed” key for my computer please? There are sooooo many cases where I’d like to use it. My current favourite is the person putting in a grievance at work because her desk is 6 inches shorter than the other desks.

  6. dogface Avatar
    dogface

    So I guess those first people don’t specialize in English….

  7. Charlene Avatar
    Charlene

    I didn’t think there was much of a call these days for 16th century English royalty.

    1. Jinx Avatar
      Jinx

      If good ol’ Henry had a math Tudor, he might have stopped marrying all those poor women!

  8. kt Avatar
    kt

    “Do you know that your kids are failing a class because they don’t do there homework. Well now you can gett help from us. We do all kinds of home work”

    ok well if they’re failing because they don’t do home work shouldn’t THEY be doing it, not a company?? advertisement fail.

  9. Lola Avatar
    Lola

    I’m not interested in any of these Tudors. Clearly, as they are not apparently named Mary, Elizabeth, or big daddy Henry, you’re just getting some run of the mill, common or garden Tudor. On the other hand, you could hire one of them, and a Stuart, and get some cheap entertainment by restaging the Wars of the Roses in your own home.

  10. Count Blah Avatar
    Count Blah

    I can (barely) deal with the fact that the 16 year old who teaches MATH mispelled “tutor”. The fact that an accredited teacher offering “reading”, “writing”, and “vocabulary” among her subjects made the same mistake makes me want to kill people. Using skull shrapnel from my exploding head.

  11. Milla Avatar
    Milla

    The following is the name of a blog and the tag line under it. The blog is written by an elementary school teacher.

    Fun with Knitting (and Quilting)
    I think I may be to crafty for myself!

    Our children are doomed.

    1. Marty Avatar
      Marty

      Wrong kind of ‘to’ (you’re thinking of ‘too’).

      1. drmk Avatar
        drmk

        I think that’s kind of the point, Marty. I think Milla was pointing out that an elementary school teacher should know the difference. Much like the post above.

        1. Steph Avatar
          Steph

          Marty needs some Corey tags.

    2. Jinx Avatar
      Jinx

      Reminds me of the Facebook page about “Scrape Booking”. Yikes!

    3. Addicted Reader Avatar
      Addicted Reader

      There’s a car regularly parked outside my apartment building w/ a not-a-license-plate decorative thing on the front of the car that reads:
      “To blessed
      to be stressed.”
      It took me a good 5 minutes of looking at it and rephrasing it in my head to finally figure out that it means “TOO blessed to be stressed.” Now every time I see it I want to take a marker and add in that “o”.

      1. Steph Avatar
        Steph

        *chants* Do it do it do it do it!

  12. Sarah Avatar
    Sarah

    Here’s a math problem for Tudors: Henry VIII had six wives, and he executed two of them. How many wives were not executed?

  13. antoinette jeanine Avatar
    antoinette jeanine

    Seventy eleven!

    I win!!

    -A Math Tudor

  14. Dindrane Avatar
    Dindrane

    Maybe “tudoring” your children is some kind of sick code for chopping off their heads and/or just sticking them in the Tower until you can legally annul them? Like, “hey, baby, I can Tudor that kid if he’s being a pain…”

    I mean, this could be a contract killer advertising her services, and we’re becoming party to it by not reporting it!

  15. Sara Avatar
    Sara

    “Clearly your kid’s problems in school will go away if you simply have someone else do their homework for them.”

    Corrected: “Clearly, your kids’ problems in school will go away if you simply have someone else do their homework for them.”

    OR

    “Clearly, your kid’s problems in school will go away if you simply have someone else do his homework for him.

    You may know punctuation, but your pronouns are all sorts of fucked up.

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Yup, you’re right. I have pronoun issues.

  16. Tia Hillary Avatar
    Tia Hillary

    Asunción! (the capital of Paraguay)

  17. Steph Avatar
    Steph

    Edjoocashun? Pah. My great-grandma didn’t have more than a fourth grade edjoocashun, and my grandma didn’t go to college. Don’t think she even graduated high school. Now, I, by modern standards, am only half edjoomacated, as I am a recent high school graduate. But the hi-yer edjoocashunnul stuff is expensive!

  18. HamCan Avatar
    HamCan

    Steph is stuck in 2009, someone send the way back machine!

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