You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: maybe it’s just me

  • YSaC, Vol. 466: Seemed like a good idea at the time.

    lets smoke and see where it goes 420 – m4w – 26

    looking for a laid back chick to smoke with, im 26, white, 6 foot 3, good looking, and ready to get high and hang out with a cool chick. Im d and d free, you be too. Open to age and race and looking for tonight. open for pretty much anything, im an oral expert if it goes there, also good at giving messages. bbws and shaved a plus.
    466

    You’re d and d free, you say? I’m going to assume that means that you’ve never played Dungeons & Dragons, because otherwise you’re really unclear on what “d and d free” means.

    Oh sure, there’s the “marijuana isn’t really a drug” argument, which I’m sure this guy will be happy to make at great length until you distract him with a shiny object and a bag of Cheetos, but for all intents and purposes, “d and d” free implies something that the rest of this ad refutes rather overtly.

    But he’s good at giving messages. Can you take a message for yourself, dude? It’s from you in the future. That’s right, it’s a message from Future Sparky. Future Sparky would like to tell himself that it’s a bad idea to advertise marijuana on Craigslist. He would have told himself himself, but he’s doing six to ten and lost his internet privileges when he got into that fight with the guy named Bubba.

    The second part of the message is to avoid guys named Bubba.

    Thanks for the posting, Mark!

  • YSaC, Vol. 464: They’re really good at croquet, though.

    NICE,NICE BATHROOM SET(BURGANDY) – $15 (INCLUDES 2 1/2 GARBAGE TO MATH NICE)

    xxx-xxx-xxxx

    464a464b

    464c464d

    I don’t want my garbage to be nice. I also don’t want it to be able to do math. Especially fractions. Everybody knows that garbage is terrible at math, especially fractions. Don’t believe me? Look for yourself!

    trash can used cheap

    used trash can for $10 OBO only
    call xxx-xxx-xxxx464e

    See? $10 is NOT 2 1/2 times $5. Garbage cans are bad at math!

    Thanks to Jennnnn and Bethany for these submissions!

  • YSaC, Vol. 462: Next on HGTV — When Decorators Attack!

    wanted-HOME DECORE

    HELLO CRAIGSLIST! HOPE EVERYONE OS DOING WONDERFUL. I HAVE A HUGE REQUEST HERE. MY HOUSE RECENTLY GOT BROKEN INTO AND I AM AHVING TO REPLACE EVERYTHING.. EVEN DOW TO THE FOOD IN MY FRIDGE( LOL) I WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING OF THE RUSTIC NATURE,COWBOY,WESTERN THAT THEY ARE WILLING TO PART WITH. DECORE.BLANKETS, HORSESHOES, JOHN DEERE. I AM A JOHN DEERE FANATIC AND OVER 3000 OF MY JD STUFF ALONE WAS TAKEN. ANYTHING WILL BE ACCEPTED.. MY HOME FEELS LIKE A NAKED HOTEL ROOM… TY IN ADVANCE

    This doesn’t sound like a burglary to me so much as it sounds like an interior decorator’s intervention.

    But you know, I know where he could find a rustic statue of a … Texas. That’s rustic, right? Or maybe a raccoon with a gun?

    Thanks to pointyjess for the listing!

  • YSaC, Vol. 460: This messed with Texas.

    Custom bull bike

    This one of a kind work of art took over 100 hours. The Texas base is all hand carved, 24ct gold on motor, has won several awards at ceramic shows. Asking $3,500.00 make reasonable offer

    460

    I’ve had this in my queue forever, because it’s … well, because it’s that. But I just can’t spin a creative story about what would prompt someone to make something like … well, like that. A ceramic bull with horns that look as though they were made from a limb from a Barbie doll, on a motorcycle, on top of a skull, on top of a handcarved Texas, on top of a mirror on top of wood. It’s a feng shui nightmare. All I know is that when this bullcycle reanimates, and those wooden legs start walking stiffly off the mirror, carrying this monstrosity around looking for its creator to exact its revenge, I don’t want to be anywhere near it.

    Thanks, Blake!

  • YSaC, Vol. 458: It’s too early in the year to make a “Sleigh Ride” joke.

    Does everybody have their solid-wall-of-capitalized-text glasses on? You do? Oh, good. You’re going to need them.

    SANTA SLEIGH LARGE WOODEN OUTDOOR DISPLAY – $195 (SALEM;OHIO)

    FORGET THE 1/4 INCH OR THE 1/2 INCH CHEAP MINIATURE PLYWOOD SLEIGHS THAT ONLY LAST A SEASON OR TWO!…OR THE CARDBOARD SLEIGHS THAT WARP AND BLOW DOWN .IVE GOT THE REAL DEAL THAT WILL LAST FOR YEARS AND YEARS TO COME!..THIS OUTDOOR SANTA SLEIGH IS CRAFTED AND BUILT BY MYSELF USING GOOD CLEAN BETTER GRADE 5/8 { NEARLY 3/4 INCH }SANDED PLYWOOD FROM HOME DEPOT…CHECK IT OUT!!…NO FILLER CRACKS ;HOLES;SPLINTS LIKE THE CHEAP GRADE..ALL NICE CLEAN SANDED WOOD READY TO BE PAINTED AND DECORATED TO YOUR CHOOSING AND DECOR…MEASURES 3 FEET HIGH; 4 FEET LONG AND 25 INCHES WIDE!…WILL HOLD CHILDREN AS WELL AS ADULTS FOR PHOTOS!..WONDERFUL FOR CHRISTMAS EVENTS ;WILL HOLD GIFTS AND PERFECT FOR PHOTO TAKING WITH KIDS…ALL ASSEMBLED USING 1/4 INCH BOLTS ;NUTS AND WASHERS FOR STRENGTH AND DURABILITY..AS WELL AS CAN BE EASILY DISSASEMBLED FOR STORAGE . WILL HANG ON GARAGE WALL..ALSO HEAVY ENOUGH TO WITHSTAND NORMAL WINDS AND NOT TOPPLE OVER LIKE THE STORE BOUGHT LIGHT WEIGHT ONES.{ 30+ POUNDS} ..AND JUST AS EASY TO REASSEMBLE YEAR AFTER YEAR..BUILT TO LAST!!..JUST GIVE IT A GOOD COAT OF PAINT AND THE 16 BOLTS KEEP IT TIGHT TO PREVENT WARPING FROM WINTER WEATHER!..TOO HEAVY TO SHIP SO MUST BE PICK UP ONLY!….PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME FOR MORE INFO. OR TO ARRANGE PICK UP AT MY SHOP!…{ A SPECIAL NOTE}….I WILL ALSO ADJUST SHIPPING COST DOWN DEPENDING ON YOUR ZIP CODE AT TIME OF PURCHASE OR WINNING BID…TO REFLECT YOUR ACTUAL COST OF SHIP AND HANDLING!.. IT WILL BE SHIPPED UPS ;BANDED TOGETHER WITH SEATS AND HARDWARE IN BETWEEN THE TWO LARGE SIDE PIECES ….READY TO BE ASSEMBLED BY YOU IN MINUTES!….HERES A SPECIAL NOTE!!….BUYING THIS COULD BE YOUR PATTERN TO GET STARTED MAKING AND SELLING IT IN YOUR AREA!…ITS THE ONLY ONE LIKE IT ANYWHERE IN THE COUNTRY AND I HAVE MADE OVER 1000 OF THEM IN THE LAST 10 YEARS…IF YOU LIKE WOOD WORKING YOU WILL MAKE BIG PROFIT!!…SOOOOO.!!. SHOCK AND AWE YOUR NEIGHBORS WITH THIS DISPLAY PIECE THIS CHRISTMAS AND GET STARTED TAKING ORDERS FOR NEXT YEAR IN A BIG WAY!!…….THANKS..

    Since nobody in their right mind can possibly make it through all of that, please allow me to highlight some of the more … interesting things about this ad.

    TOO HEAVY TO SHIP SO MUST BE PICK UP ONLY!….PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME FOR MORE INFO. OR TO ARRANGE PICK UP AT MY SHOP!…{ A SPECIAL NOTE}….I WILL ALSO ADJUST SHIPPING COST DOWN DEPENDING ON YOUR ZIP CODE AT TIME OF PURCHASE OR WINNING BID…TO REFLECT YOUR ACTUAL COST OF SHIP AND HANDLING!.. IT WILL BE SHIPPED UPS ;BANDED TOGETHER WITH SEATS AND HARDWARE IN BETWEEN THE TWO LARGE SIDE PIECES ….READY TO BE ASSEMBLED BY YOU IN MINUTES!….

    That’s right, it’s “pick up only” because it’s too heavy to ship … so he’ll adjust the shipping cost down to reflect the actual shipping cost when he ships it to you UPS. After you win your bid on Craigslist, of course.

    ITS THE ONLY ONE LIKE IT ANYWHERE IN THE COUNTRY AND I HAVE MADE OVER 1000 OF THEM IN THE LAST 10 YEARS…

    Other than the other 1,000 of these he’s made (and the others made by the people who bought them and then started tracing them so that they could start selling them as well), this is the only one of its kind anywhere!

    The only way this thing is going to SHOCK AND AWE YOUR NEIGHBORS is if the neighborhood kids pile up the fake roof reindeer underneath it and set the whole tacky mess on fire.

    So if you’re one of those people who insist on competing in the Cavalcade of Crappy Christmas Decorations each year, this sleigh is for you. And as an added bonus — it’s sturdy enough to support you when you pass out in it after your annual eggnog bender at the Elks Lodge.

    Thanks for the ad, Heather!

  • YSaC, Vol. 452: No, really, that’s irritating. Stop it.

    possible crt monitor offer, or things

    “this monitor may have been bought in the second half of 2003, and may be an NEC Flat MultiSync 97F, maybe 19”, with a black case, or something like that
    it may be as though it was dropped more than once in the past, although it may have seemed to work fine afterwards, but it may not have the base, the thing that monitors rest on and swivel over
    there may have been a widening in the . maybe like seam in the case from how the monitor was originally made because of being dropped
    it may not be large, but one could notice it if one looked at it
    the structural integrity of the monitor has seemed to be fine since the last time it was dropped, it may be
    this may have been years ago
    the screen may ‘need’ to be cleaned, and there are some scratches on the plastic casing on the front of the monitor, and some maybe like small drop things of paint on the right side, it may be
    it may be as though it seemed to work fine the last time I used it
    may have been in the last month and a half or so
    it may be as though I would be willing to give this away, if someone wanted it, in a particular case
    I live not very far from downtown Pensacola, about 45 blocks from Palafox and Garden, it may be
    it may be as though I ‘could’ provide more information or provide pictures, possibly, if someone wanted
    it may be as though I would want to say something like pardon me if my way of writing will have caused undesirable things
    “, or other things

    It may be that you are not pardoned, as it may be that your pretension is annoying. I may have accidentally tripped and posted your ad on YSaC, and it may be that I’ve given you the tag trying too hard. See, because for all the may be‘s in there, the one thing you definitely did do is irritate me.

    I may wish to thank Amanda for this listing. Meanwhile, also in our linguistically irritating/trying too hard category:
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