You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 462: Next on HGTV — When Decorators Attack!

Written by

drmk

in

wanted-HOME DECORE

HELLO CRAIGSLIST! HOPE EVERYONE OS DOING WONDERFUL. I HAVE A HUGE REQUEST HERE. MY HOUSE RECENTLY GOT BROKEN INTO AND I AM AHVING TO REPLACE EVERYTHING.. EVEN DOW TO THE FOOD IN MY FRIDGE( LOL) I WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING OF THE RUSTIC NATURE,COWBOY,WESTERN THAT THEY ARE WILLING TO PART WITH. DECORE.BLANKETS, HORSESHOES, JOHN DEERE. I AM A JOHN DEERE FANATIC AND OVER 3000 OF MY JD STUFF ALONE WAS TAKEN. ANYTHING WILL BE ACCEPTED.. MY HOME FEELS LIKE A NAKED HOTEL ROOM… TY IN ADVANCE

This doesn’t sound like a burglary to me so much as it sounds like an interior decorator’s intervention.

But you know, I know where he could find a rustic statue of a … Texas. That’s rustic, right? Or maybe a raccoon with a gun?

Thanks to pointyjess for the listing!

Comments

98 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 462: Next on HGTV — When Decorators Attack!”

  1. mudslicker Avatar
    mudslicker

    An awesome Texas-Bull-Butt-Motorcycle ceramic blob comes to mind.

    1. mudslicker Avatar
      mudslicker

      *dote*

      It WOULD help if I read the commentary before posting. But isn’t that koinky-dink that we both thought of that horrific hybrid as the perfect donation to this putz? Some days it’s the simple things that validate that we’re not all crazy. *sigh*

      Apologies for “piggybacking off of others’ success”…

      1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        Wait, that was you? Oh!
        Igor apologizeth and grovelth, then. I thought you were thome random blogger click-spamming with googleth.
        Then Igor realizeth that you ith in the sidebar and felt a little guilty.
        😛

        1. mudslicker Avatar
          mudslicker

          *chuckle*…no that wasn’t me. I merely saw the perfect opportunity to revisit that phrase and, since I have no moral compass, I jumped on it big time.

  2. Isaac Avatar
    Isaac

    So … someone broke in and took all your horseshoes and three thousand John Deere collectibles—every bit of decore—plus all the food in your fridge, but this mysterious intruder with near-infinite carrying capacity (my theory: the Grinch) left your computer in the house?

    ( LOL), indeed.

    1. neverfirst Avatar
      neverfirst

      The Grinch obviously just swept everything in reach into his ginormous sack without looking. Imagine when he opens the bag, peers expectantly inside and sees 3000 John Deere….things. I wouldn’t want to be in Max the dog’s shoes then.

      1. lost_compass Avatar
        lost_compass

        I sort of like the image of Cindy Lou Who in her green baseball cap, down on the floor on Christmas morning, playing with her miniature 400-horsepower cotton stripper, and 24-row 30″ spacing planter with liquid fertilizer manifold. Gives me a warm toasty feeling all over.

        1. Count Blah Avatar
          Count Blah

          And when Cindy-Lou Who made her way to the tree,
          she squealed out a squeal of pure Cindy-Lou glee!
          She’d got tractors and threshers and balers and mowers;
          a tiny green hoe meant for underage hoe-ers;
          dozers and loaders and forklifts and winches,
          and none of them bigger than twenty-two inches!
          Cindy Lou smiled a smile that went right round her head
          and she stared and she smiled and she finally said:
          “Why, these toys were all made to fit right in my arms!
          …Um…can somebody buy me a toddler-sized farm?”

        2. lost_compass Avatar
          lost_compass

          Um… wow, Count B.

          I’ll set ’em up. You keep on knocking ’em out of the park.

        3. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Sounds like holiday time at my house. I was so happy the year I got a dump truck and a front end loader.

          Happy times.

        4. Count Blah Avatar
          Count Blah

          lost_compass, your imagery of Cindy-Lou Who (who was no more than two!) being all gleeful over farm equipment made me for realz laugh out loud. I’m just tryin’ to give back. 😀

        5. Sam Avatar
          Sam

          I want to vote for Count Blah many times – that is perfectly written, and amazingly Seuss-like.

        6. sfaye Avatar
          sfaye

          Last Christmas, my dad got me a set of allen wrenches and an electric snowblower. My mom got me electric hedge-pruners. For my birthday, I got a power drill. Part of me thinks my parents really wanted a son…part of me keeps saying “Yippeee!”

  3. tacomagic Avatar
    tacomagic

    I’ve got some rustic nature food. Sounds like this guy could give it a good home.

    Ok, so it may not be nice to make fun of his dangling modifiers when there is so much more here to make fun of.

  4. Rick Avatar
    Rick

    “HOPE EVERYONE OS DOING WONDERFUL.” Actually no, I’m using Vista and I hate it, thanks for asking though

    1. Irregular Fractal Avatar
      Irregular Fractal

      See, the OS thing is a big clue. This is actually a coded message from SkyNet, requesting the mobilization of the First Mechanized Infantry for an assault on Texas. They’re figuring on taking out the bulk of our horse population, since we won’t be able to trust machines to move us around anymore. After that, it’s just a matter of time.

    2. Heather Avatar
      Heather

      And here I thought that the Craigslist poster was just overly concerned with the well-being of my cervix. Boy, was I wrong.

  5. Fraulein N Avatar
    Fraulein N

    I think this guy’s wife just finally had enough. I’d like to know who she paid to haul that shit away, though.

    1. PrincessLuceval Avatar
      PrincessLuceval

      New Craigslist ad, posted anonymously by his wife: “3,000 assorted John Deere items need new home, quick. I’m not paying rent on these storage units for another month, LOL. These were my husband’s, and he no longer needs them. Really. He doesn’t. Come and look at the items, and I’ll give you a bologna sandwich for your troubles.”

      1. Tankerbell Avatar
        Tankerbell

        I’ll give you a bologna sammitch for your troubles.”

        FIFY

    2. dissimilitude Avatar
      dissimilitude

      That is EXACTLY what I was thinking probably happened.

  6. pointyjess Avatar
    pointyjess

    If someone stole all my food, the discovery would be a very un-LOL moment.

    -Confused in TX

  7. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    If this ad is for real, then I am sad.

  8. Sherri Avatar
    Sherri

    Ooo, I like the inside job theory! She ‘removed’ his entire John Deere collection AND his supply of Squeezy Cheese, pork rinds, Ritz crackers and Old Milwaukee.

    Maybe she plans to sell it all to pay for her divorce.

    It makes sense – he could be using the computer at the library or at a friend’s, after all. Or maybe his local John Deere dealer has a set up for customers.

    In the end, though I’m with Colleen in MA — This ad causes me sadness. Also despair, loathing, and itchy feet.

  9. Meredith Avatar
    Meredith

    I believe what he’s asking for, in psychological circles, is called an “enabler”.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Making him, in layman’s terms, a “leech”.

      1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        Making uth, in Igor’th termth, “Petht Exterminatorth”.

  10. Gridlock Avatar
    Gridlock

    What’s a John Deere?

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      It’s a manufacturer of tractors and other farm equipment painted a distinctive bright green and yellow. You can also get toys, hats, clothing, ect… in the same colors with the logo on them.

    2. isaac Avatar
      isaac

      Ironically, the sale of all this John Deere stuff may be financing a Dear John letter.

    3. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Why, honey, a John pays a ho for services. I tol’ y’all that before, now, dint I?

  11. Sarah Avatar
    Sarah

    I think this poster is confused – it sounds like the last thing he needs is a “home decore.” De-coring is a good descriptor of what has apparently already happened. The core of his home decor has been removed. Decore.

    1. Procrastinator Avatar
      Procrastinator

      *sings* “When the moon hits your eye like a big John Deere pie, that Decore…”

      1. PrincessLuceval Avatar
        PrincessLuceval

        Now I’m picturing 3,000 random John Deere items at home in the Dean Martin Museum.

        1. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          Dean Martin + John Deere = Cognitive dissonance.

  12. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    Most homeowner’s or renter’s insurance policies have coverage in case of theft, right? I guess his policy didn’t have a “useless crap” clause.

    This sounds like someone too lazy to go to an actual store and buy what they want. If you were really that bad off, wouldn’t you be more concerned about having the basics rather than tacky John Deere stuff that would just sit there?

    Why didn’t I think of this when I moved out? A little stage dressing, maybe “distress” the front door a bit, and hordes of (sym)pathetic people will just give me all the food, furniture, and knick-knacks I need.

    Maybe it was a couple of guys who had a really big party that trashed their place. I can picture the conversation;

    “Dude, that party last night was epic. I don’t remember anything after Susie decided the velvet Elvis was looking at her funny.”

    “That explains the bullet holes. It looks like someone started a bonfire on the front lawn with all my John Deere memorabilia. And there’s no food left in the fridge.”

    “Sorry ’bout that dude, we got the munchies.”
    *very dim lightbulb flickers feebly*
    “Hey, I bet we could just put a posting on CraigsList and get a bunch of new stuff that was nicer than the crap we had before!”

    “Fine, but I want a Rustic Nature,Cowboy,Western theme this time instead of Early American Dumpster.”

    1. Count Blah Avatar
      Count Blah

      Not everyone has contents insurance…

      But yeah, that’s the first thing I thought of, too. Dude’s house has been ransacked and he’s sitting there moping because he doesn’t have horshoes and John Deere paraphernalia to look at?

      I’m just totally infuriated by this ad. It’s not inherently horrible that he’s soliciting other people’s cast-offs after an (alleged) robbery. It’s horrible that he has the gall to ask for decorative fripperies and to be picky about it! Reminds me of the time I gave $2 to a homeless lady and she wrinkled her nose and said “is that all you’ve got?”

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        I guess his “hors” were complaining about being barefoot.

        This really ticks me off, too. I’ve known people who have lost everything, once due to fire and twice due to hurricanes, and they were profoundly greatful to get anything, even a tube of toothpaste. Asking for decorative items, for free, when there are others who would be ecstatic to have a “naked hotel room” reallys shows off the size of this guy’s asschapeau.

        1. Martha Avatar
          Martha

          /snort

          thanks for being the other person who caught that spelling.

  13. K Avatar
    K

    I can’t imagine going into someone’s house and seeing “Over 3000 JD Stuff”. This was definitely done by a friend or family number.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      So, you’re thinking, more of an intervention than a robbery?
      “Buford, we love you, but the horseshoes have to go.”
      “Fine, but don’t take my John Deere toys! I mean, collectibles.”
      Light bulb blazes into existence over wife’s head as she realizes how much room she would then have for hats made out of Budwiser can parts crochet together.

      1. K Avatar
        K

        Absolutely an intervention. This is a case of someone thinking they are a “collector” and everyone else thinking “crazy hoarder of worthless crap”.

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Why do crazy hoarders of worthless crap(That would make an excellent band name, by the way) always collect big, bulky items? You never hear about someone who collects pounds of paperclips or has dozens of hamsters running around their house.

          (There was a guy a few years back near where I live who hoarded sheep, I think he had close to thirty. That provided fodder for all sorts of off-color jokes.)

        2. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          @sj80 –
          “crazy hoarders of worthless crap(That would make an excellent band name, by the way)”
          A shorter version of the same thing might be “The Collier Brothers.”

          *~*~*~*

          And why do I know about them, you may ask? Because I’m pretty sure compulsive hoarding is genetic in my family and I have to fight it, and likewise have an interest in cases of it and its manifestations. Mainly it manifests as bibliomania in my case, and it’s pretty much under control, so it’s pretty socially acceptable. The only thing my place is full of is books.
          However, one of my grandfathers brought everything home that wasn’t nailed down, and as their home backed onto a commercial area, he even did dumpster diving before there was a name for it. Yes, he had some really cool stuff. Yes, he also had seventeen semi-truckloads of crap (not an exaggeration, the family paid fees everytime it went to the dump and so kept track) in the backyard that were hauled away after he died and my grandmother needed to sell the place.

          I suspect that this poster has a relative or few who clubbed together and did themselves all a favor in getting rid of this stuff early.
          That, or there’s a pissed-off ex who has housebreaking skills and a vehicle big enough to carry the stuff away, and who firmly believes that revenge is a dish best served very cold (so cold, in fact, that he doesn’t even suspect it’s her).

        3. My Evil Twin Avatar
          My Evil Twin

          @sarajean80: Did he fence with the sheep? That must’ve been quite a sight.

        4. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          @Lola – I’ve walked down that road. My maternal grandfather had a large barn, a large chicken coop, an attic, and a tobacco shed stuffed with his “treasures” that had to be hauled away when they sold the farm. This was back when he was just called a pack rat.
          When I moved out on my own I had close to thirty large (and very heavy) boxes of books(there’s at least another two still at my parents’ house) collected through a combination of my insomnia(I have to have something to do at 3AM, it’s not like I can go bowling.) and my pure-O OCD.
          Bibliomania does seem to be a more socially acceptable outlet, unlike say, filling your bathroom with rabbits, but it is also socially isolating. Reading is a fairly solitary endeavor, unless you count the voices in your head. Thank goodness for the internet!
          I still have tons of books around the house, but I have managed to keep them at a low ebb so the cats won’t trigger an avalanche and crush us all.

        5. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          “Reading is a fairly solitary endeavor, unless you count the voices in your head.”
          If that’s how you count the level of solidarity in an activity, Sj80, then I’ve got PLENTY of company while I read.
          By the way, Tom, Ryan, and Rell want me to say hi for them. 😉
          Ah, schizophrenia jokes…

      2. PrincessLuceval Avatar
        PrincessLuceval

        sarajean, sheep? Really? Or was he trying to pull the wool over your eyes? (I know, that was BAAA-d.)

        1. Count Blah Avatar
          Count Blah

          PrincessLuceval, it would behoove ewe to stop with the sheep puns now. 😀

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Sweet princess, it was on the news so ewe know it had to be true.

          If I remember right, he lived in town and fenced in his yard, and then left his front and back doors open so the sheep had free reign in the downstairs while he lived upstairs.

      3. Count Blah Avatar
        Count Blah

        sarajean80: people collect small things sometimes. I work in a field where I sometimes get to look at pictures of home inspections. This one house had a dining room where every flat surface was covered in small china figurines. The dining room table was completely blanketed from end to end; I think the chairs had been pulled out and laden with china crap, too. And of course there were floor-to-ceiling shelving units lining the walls, all filled to capacity.

        The room made me claustrophobic. It looked like a particularly squalid flea market booth. The figurines themselves were hideous and rendered the dining room unusable. I hope they were worth some money.

        1. tigprincess Avatar
          tigprincess

          sarajean80 – yes they do! My manic friend has 45 guinea pigs (started with two and they just did what randy guinea pigs do) all with their own names and feeding habits and she loves them all (we won’t mention the one that bit her hand straight through the ligament).
          Count Blah – I think I’ve stayed there! There is a B&B in Stratford-on-Avon which had no spare shelf or wall space, so taken up is it with “collectables”. Thimbles, tartan and clans in frames, toby jugs, hats, you name it, it was there.
          The pram in the narrow hall with 20 porcelain dolls inside was the last straw and caused the host to ask if I had the ‘flu. No, just a clutter revulsion – I nearly said.

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          tigprincess – I am intrigued at the thought of free-range guinea pigs. I had a pair when I was younger( the James brothers, Frank and Jesse)and I could not imagine multiplying that to 45. The mess must be incredible.

          Count Blah – I guess people who hoard small items are less likely to meet the same fate as the Collyer brothers, so they are not as widely known.

        3. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          Igor collectth thingth that can be uthed to make “modificationth”….

    2. isaac Avatar
      isaac

      Thankfully my family numbers are all less than 3000 Deere.

      1. TigerShark Avatar
        TigerShark

        My mother is a hoarder. I was falling into the same pattern, luckily since moving out of her home I have moved a few times so it has encouraged me to downsize. I’m quite thankful for that. However, sarajean80’s… suggestion of a bathroom full of rabbits.. made me laugh, yet WANT to have a bathroom full of rabbits..I would love to see my husband’s face for that one.. (I’ve already rescued a number of animals, strays, which he thought was odd enough.)

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          The rabbit thing is actually real. My sister’s sister-in-law breeds and shows Great Danes and for some reason decided the dogs needed really fresh meat, so she started breeding rabbits.
          In the bathroom.
          And she is not the best housekeeper in the world.
          No one likes going over to her house and usually will just stand on the front porch rather than go inside.

        2. TigerShark Avatar
          TigerShark

          I can only imagine the.. scent. Anyone I’ve ever known that’s owned rabbits.. their house has a distinctive odor. While I love all furry creatures, a rabbit might be pushing it. My plan when we buy a first home, that it has to have lots of land.. for all the animals I want (rescue). Luckily, my husband said I can do that, as long I don’t let any obscure animals in the house. Apparently, a goat in the house is a no.. 🙂

        3. sfaye Avatar
          sfaye

          One of my previous roommates plastered the bathroom with ducks. There must have been 100 ducks. When she moved out, I redecorated the bathroom with 2 simple framed pictures and matching hand towels.

  14. Kogarashi Avatar
    Kogarashi

    Huh. When I read it, the first thing that came to mind was a guy who’d just moved to a new place with nothing to his name, and thought, “Hey, people are always putting stuff up for free on Craigslist. Maybe if I make up a sob story about getting robbed and ask for free stuff for my new apartment, they’ll give it to me.”

    And then he promptly proceeded to mangle the English language in his attempt at bumming off of others.

  15. Count Blah Avatar
    Count Blah

    Oh my gawd! This is so weird, you guys, because I’m a John Deere fanatic, too! And I have about $3,000 of John Deere stuff! And I was just thinking how awesome it would be to give it all to some random douchebag for free!!!1!

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      After he pays a small handling fee of only $0.65 per item.

      (For those of you who don’t want to do the math, that would come to $1950.)

  16. Cled Avatar
    Cled

    Decore.
    Hard core, soft core, decore.
    Decorticate.

    My funny hat and my snarky shoes are waaaay at the back of the closet today. If I can’t do anything with this much material, cannot hit this huge barn on its broad side, I should just go sit quietly in the back.

    *sitting quietly in the back*

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Cled, it’s time to come clean. Did you post this? Or is it hitting too close to home? (Starts stuffing her collectibles in the garage)

      1. Cled Avatar
        Cled

        Well sheeeeyooot! Busted by a Yellow Quaker Parrot (http://www.flickr.com/photos/sierra2u/3260407424/) listing to starboard. Or maybe to port. Or maybe prone on a naked tummy, but we won’t go there. *nudge-nudge, wink-wink*

        Windrose, I cannot tell a lie. I was just so unbearably jealous of someone having “over 3000 of JD stuff” that my brain fried. Because notice carefully: this guy (it’s clearly a guy, right?) had over 3000 OF his JD stuff stolen. How much was left behind? All that JD stuff in one human (presumably) habitation. The mind cannot conceive, nor the spirit encompass, such abundance, such bounty, such sheer volume of JD stuff.

        The green! The yellow! The Leaping Buck Logo!

        O happy man, ye John Deere fan…

        …

        Oh sorry, got to go. That nice young lady is bringing me one of those pleasant yellow pills.

        1. Windrose Avatar
          Windrose

          JUST as I thought! 8)

          BTW, Quakers are illegal in CA. Like ferrets and other fun pets. That’s a photo of Sunny, my 12 year old sun conure. I did not name her. I would never give a sun conure the name Sunny, or a cat the name Kitty. So unimaginative. She likes to sit on my shoulder and rub her beak back and forth while waiting for sunflower seeds to be offered to her. And now that I think about it, Sunflower would have been a better name for her. Kitty Sunflower would be a stripper, and Sunflower Kitty might be a name for a band.

        2. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          My favorite bit?
          “one human (presumably) habitation. ”
          Never presume when dealing with Craigslist.

  17. Norm Walter Breck Avatar
    Norm Walter Breck

    Dear Mr. TY* (or Ty-in-Advance? or Ty in Advance [pronounced ADD-vance], TX USA:

    If you’re patient and don’t mind travel, visit the John Deere booth at the Minnesota State Fair next year to rebuild your collection. You’ll likely score an antlered foam visor, which was a hit with many fair-goers.

    * Yes, I know it’s shorthand for “thank you,” but please indulge me.

    1. PrincessLuceval Avatar
      PrincessLuceval

      Ty In Advance: Now opening for Condom Flotsam!

      1. MrWhite Avatar
        MrWhite

        Also on the bill:

        His Ginormous Sack
        Underage Hoe-ers
        The Well-being of My Cervix
        Hoarded Sheep
        Bologna Sandwich for Your Troubles
        Loathing and Itchy Feet
        Clutter Revulsion
        Decorticate
        Antlered Foam
        Near-infinite Carrying Capacity

        … it must be a festival. Alternative, I’d guess.

  18. Ed Snyder Avatar
    Ed Snyder

    He/she can have my tractor from Farmville. I hardly ever use it. It’s John Deere, right?

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I’ve never thought about it, but it is the same shade of green!
      Unless you got the pink one.

  19. develish1 Avatar
    develish1

    ok, who broke that raccoon link? lol

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      D’oh. Fixed.

  20. JAMen Avatar
    JAMen

    I am interested about his commitment to “anything will be accepted.” Really? That is a hefty statement. Does this mean I can hide all the dead bodies there? Or the moldy stuff my son just dug out of the back of the refrigerator? That is bold, TY IN ADVANCE. I think this may need a “be careful what you ask for” tag.

  21. Keelhaulrose Avatar
    Keelhaulrose

    It’s funny. My house got broken into, and I’m looking for some decore of my own… I was thinking of going French Prudential. Any of that on Craigslist?

  22. Mrphysic Avatar
    Mrphysic

    HELLO YSAC! HOPE Y’ALL OS DOING WONDERFUL. I AHVE A HUGE REQUEST HERE. MY BOUDOIR RECENTLY GOT BROKEN INTO AND I AM AHVING TO REPLACE EVERYTHING.. EVEN DOW TO MY UNDERPANTS( LOL) I WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING OF AN EROTIC NATURE, PVC, LEATHER, WHIPS, RAMPANT RABBITS. I AM A RAMPANT RABBIT FANATIC AND OVER 3000 OF MY RR STUFF ALONE WAS TAKEN. ANYTHING WILL BE ACCEPTED.. MY HOME FEELS LIKE A NAKED DUNGEON… TY IN ADVANCE

    1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
      Igor the Vigorous

      You have no idea how much Igor loveth you right nowth…

      1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        … Now that I think about it, that sounds like an ad I would post but without capslock or any of the idiotic inflections… 😛

  23. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    To Cled regarding Parrots: I have to say the photo you linked to does not look like a monk or quaker parakeet to me. Here’s a link to the species and the known mutations:
    http://www.avianweb.com/quakermutations.html

    The photo looks much more like a love bird, a lutino peach face. I have one that looks just like that!

    And no, I don’t hoard birds. At one time we had close to 100. But they are in clean cages, fed and watered every day, and when one dies, we do dispose of the body. We are currently downsizing our flock due to economic necessity, and will soon have around 60.

    1. emsies Avatar
      emsies

      ummm…. how does one downsize a flock of birds? Give them away as host/hostess gifts? (“I know you don’t drink wine, so I brought you… this!” “Squawk!”) Explain to them that their positions have been filled by robots playing mp3s of jungle sounds, and have security escort them out the door?

      Or do I not want to know?

      1. isaac Avatar
        isaac

        Hint: it may involve Shake and/or Bake.

        1. Windrose Avatar
          Windrose

          Isaac! LOL Do you know how many zebra finches it would take to make a single meal? Too much plucking involved to be worth it. No, we downsize by saying NO to any more birds that need homes (which breaks my heart) and by finding good homes for others. We no longer breed, so our population stays stable, and sell off the last of the current babies.

          Now, where did you say I could get one of those Junglebots, emsies?

    2. Cled Avatar
      Cled

      Ah, thank you.

      [confession] I searched for images of yellow parrots and then looked for one with orange on its face and that’s what I came up with. I can just about tell a crow from a robin. [/confession]

  24. fakyuol Avatar
    fakyuol

    your site isnt funny at all. i know you think its funny but actually its not funny. not at all. it feels and sounds so fake. youre faking the funny. thats so lame. whats more lame is all these people above finds it funny. oh well. thanks for sharing. i feel better now. 🙂

    google “the best page in the universe”. now thats some funny shit!

    1. Lola Avatar
      Lola

      Hmmm, let’s see: no apostrophes, no capitalization, lack of subject-verb agreement (“these people finds it”), no support for statements such as “its not funny. not at all. it feels and sounds so fake. youre faking the funny. thats so lame. whats more lame is all these people above finds it funny.” (How in the hell do you fake funny between comments from several dozen people? I guess drmk and dan are even more brilliant than we already thought!) Then there’s this gem: “oh well. thanks for sharing. i feel better now.” Er. You were the one sharing, buddy. Nice job getting it backward. Oh, and I so am not going to your site, Mr. Spamtroll.

      Can bots comment here? It’s so bad I almost feel like it’s a bot. Even if not, if your posts can be confused with a bot, that’s a bit of a fail, it seems to me. This is one of the few instances on this site where I wish the scoring had the ability to take away points. I’d start with -10.

      1. lareina Avatar
        lareina

        Aw, drmk and dan got their first troll. How…cute? No, that’s not quite right.

        Well, at least it’s not a particularly clever one. Although, we should all feel properly ashamed, because – we’re ‘lame’! Even lamer than an already lame site which is soooo lame because it has fake funny! According to a random idiot with no apostrophe key on his keyboard and the expressiveness of a spambot, that is. I may need to curl up in the corner for a bit to recover from this devastating insult. Hold me, someone.

        1. develish1 Avatar
          develish1

          here,

          have a triple choc cookie and come out of that corner, then stick the troll in there and we’ll all be happy.

    2. Meredith Avatar
      Meredith

      WE’RE FAMOUS WE’RE FAMOUS….YEAH YEAH YEAH.

      Trolls: The Anti-Fan.

      Still interested enough to stalk around and comment, but conflicted by they’re dislike of the subject matter, and they’re inability to just walk away.

      And now our next band name: We’ve Got Trolls!

      I’m hearing synth-pop…anyone else???

    3. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Hey Jerky McJerkson, I’m not lame, I just have a bad knee. I can still kick your ass with the other leg, though.
      Thanks for sharing. Have a nice day 🙂

    4. PrincessLuceval Avatar
      PrincessLuceval

      Hey, fakyoul too! *flips bird*

    5. Trinket Avatar
      Trinket

      Wait, all this funny is FAKE?

      I feel so betrayed! This is the LAST time I trust a llama-nun web boss. I can’t believe you would lie to me like that, drmk! You’re nothing but a funny-forger! And the rest of you too! You’re all just a lying bunch of comedy-counterfeiters!

      Now I’m going to go advertise on craigslist for some REAL friends. *sniff*

      1. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        Come back, Trinket! It was just a bad dream. The nasty troll is mostly gone, and we are all funny again.

      2. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        “funny-forger”

        *giggle*

        That would make a great band name. Like there’s a bunch of us all over the world hunched over keyboards, churning out countless humorous posts…

        Wait a minute…

        1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          Mine aren’t humorous, but I churn out countless posts and have a bad back…

    6. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
      Igor the Vigorous

      If you really don’t think this is funny, you either don’t understand the subject matter due to stupidity, are a spamtroll, or are a big lover of fart jokes and nothing else.
      Seriously, grow up- if you don’t like it, don’t comment, because- and here’s the shocking point- NOBODY cares what you have to say if you’re just going to whine. Why are you even around, anyway, if you don’t like this place? Go back to that website you were spamming for, you bumbling tool. God knows nobody from YsaC is going to follow your instructions after you insult the site we’re using.
      Well played, idiot.

    7. Lizzi Avatar
      Lizzi

      It happened some time ago but I am still compelled to say: what a douche.

  25. queensbee Avatar
    queensbee

    i’m sorry, what was that??

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