YSaC, Vol. 464: They’re really good at croquet, though.
2009 October 24
NICE,NICE BATHROOM SET(BURGANDY) – $15 (INCLUDES 2 1/2 GARBAGE TO MATH NICE)
xxx-xxx-xxxx
I don’t want my garbage to be nice. I also don’t want it to be able to do math. Especially fractions. Everybody knows that garbage is terrible at math, especially fractions. Don’t believe me? Look for yourself!
trash can used cheap
used trash can for $10 OBO only
call xxx-xxx-xxxx
See? $10 is NOT 2 1/2 times $5. Garbage cans are bad at math!
Thanks to Jennnnn and Bethany for these submissions!
Nice x 2 = ?? I’m not good at math, either. Also feel used and cheap.
I think I can do the math for you: nice times two is…
(boomboomboombuhduhdoomboom)
Nice, nice, baby.
(boomboomboombuhduhdoomboom)
All right, stop, Craigslist and listen:
My garbage can’s back with a brand new edition.
Two and a half, a set of burgandy,
Flowin’ like a harpoon on a lurgid bee.
Shower curtains!—rock the mike like a Vandal,
And the Visigoth towels might be more than you can handle!
If there is a problem, yo, I’ll solve it:
Hang your washcloth on the hook while my DJ revolves it.
(boomboomboombuhduhdoomboom)
Nice, nice, baby.
Misspelled words to your mother, y’all!
Hang your washcloth on the hook while my DJ revolves it.
LOL
That was inspired. Thank you.
What on earth was the first person trying to say? Usually I can tell (and deride their horrible spelling) but I have no clue on this one.
My guess is “Nice, nice bathroom set (which is burgundy in color) – $15 (Includes 2 1/2 gallon garbage can to match, [the garbage can is also] nice.)”
Stephen, your interpretation skills are enviable and a little unnerving. What IS your job in life that gives you such preternatural knowledge?
I am planning to list some things on Craigslist soon, but I’m torn between wanting to create a perfectly innocuous ad, and wanting to create something so outlandish that, quite without my help, it ends up here. I don’t need dilemmas like this in my life.
My interpretation was the same as Stephen’s. I don’t know about him, but I work in tech support. 🙂
You took the words right out of my mouth (keyboard?) MMC.
Thank you for asking. I can usually figure out what they mean but this one really made no sense……
“$10 or best offer only!”
What’s the use of the word “only” in that ad?
“I will only sell this trash can to someone who gives me either $10 or the best offer! So don’t be trying to buy it if you don’t offer me the best offer! Because I will sell it to someone else! Serious lions only need apply! I am only willing to consider $10 or the figure lower than $10 that turns out to be the best offer I get! Don’t even bother contacting me if you’re not going to offer me the best!”
Clearly another graduate of the Red Table School of Marketing.
Perhaps he means that he won’t accept sexual favors as payment. However, this is Craigslist, so I doubt that’s the case.
I always wondered how one throws a trash can away. If you put it out on the curb won’t the garbage people just empty it and put it back?
HOW DO THEY KNOW!!
Jerry Seinfeld muses upon the very same topic. And you’re both right: it is difficult to throw a garbage can away.
I once had a big Rubbermaid storage container (not technically a garbage can, but still) that I didn’t want anymore so I put it out on the curb on garbage night. The next day not only was the container still there, it was half-full of pop cans and fast-food refuse. I left it there and passers-by continued throwing stuff in it. The garbage men kept emptying it out again every Wednesday, though.
After a few weeks the container finally disappeared. I presume someone saw its untapped potential and took it home.
My Dad had this problem. Week after week, he would put out his cracked, banged-up garbage can, empty for emphasis, with a note saying “garbage” for extra emphasis – every week it was lovingly returned to him. So he set the can on its side in the middle of our driveway and backed the car over it a couple of times. That did the trick.
There is actually a medical term that describes the fear that the trash men will not take your old can: purinsumphobia……….
In the first ad, they mention the garbage can, but don’t show it. Two pictures of the shower curtain, but no garbage can. I think they are lying, and don’t actually have a garbage can to sell.
FORE SALE BEATIFUL GARBAGE CAN 10 5 DOLLARS ONLY MAY CONTAIN GARBAGE NO XTRA COST!!!1!
to get rid of a garbage can, go to a local supermarket or other institutional setting. place garbage can in the usually large dumpster. it will get hauled off with the rest of teh crap.
as to why anybody would sell a garbage can, ick. i dont suck at craig’s list, but i do suck at math. do people actually think that other peeps will buy their ill-described and weird products, really??? i tells ya, i am confusled.
My question is do the second people seriously think they can get $10 (or even $5) for a used trash can? Compairable NEW trash cans are only about $10 at stores like Wal-Mart. Maybe they are offering to pay someone to take their scuzzy trash can away? Or am I naïve to hope this?
Call me picky (finicky, my mother would term it), but … is there anyone out there who would really want a used garbage can from someone they don’t know? I did get a couple of small ones from a friend when I was a student and wanted to economize, but I knew where they had come from and trusted that they were clean.
A stranger’s used garbage can?
… Pass.
If it was spotlessly clean I wouldn’t even consider it. But look at that thing. I am sure it is supposed to be white, yet it appears to be covered with either botulism or H1N1 or some other kind of ick-nasty-grunge.
If you paid me $5 to take it out to the curb for you (which would of course create the How Do You Trash A Trashcan conundrum) I would refuse. Asking me to pay you to take it away is out of the question.
On a rather unrelated note – I love the grumpy cat face JcT.
I like Lola’s new haircut!
2 and a half garbage cans? Wow, what happened to that third one?
I have a hypothesis:
The fact that they had 3 trash cans in the bathroom in the first place tells us that this person does not like to take the garbage out. They were obviously trying to cram as much as they could them hoping that sooner or later their roommate/family member/ANYBODY but them would cave in and take the trash out for them. Then one day the poor little garbage can just couldn’t hold any more. It was just one used q-tip that was the proverbial back-breaking straw. He/she didn’t think twice about tossing it in there but then BANG! The garbage exploded! The person was buried under a mound of used tissue and empty toilet paper rolls and had suffocated before help could arrive. The family, too grief stricken to ever want to use that bathroom again, decided to sell whatever they could from the room and then lock it up so no one would ever have to use the toilet in the room where their loved one died. They were going to throw away the remains of the exploded garbage can but then they thought, what the heck, might as well throw it in as an extra (perhaps the not-taking-the-trash-out gene runs in the family). Here you are, Craigslist, 2 1/2 GARBAGE!
Eeeewww…
Good story!
Brilliant story – and such a tale of warning not to overfill garbage containers.
Thank you. I’m working out a deal with Warner Brothers right now. This will soon be a heart-wrenching major motion picture coming to a theatre near you:
2 1/2 Garbage, starring Nicholas Cage as the anguished man who just couldn’t dig his brother out in time and Renee Zellwgger as the love interest who, at the movie’s emotion climax, collapses sobbing on the heap of garbage, as she realizes her true feelings for the victim. Oh why hadn’t she realized sooner! She had been too wrapped up in unimportant things! Like poor hygiene and sloppy housekeeping. But in the grand scheme of things what does it matter if he was a total slob? He was her True Love!
I’m getting all teary just thinking about it.
Sure it’s nice, nice; but is it “Nice” nice.
I’m surprised nobody has pointed out the yuckiest thing about this listing which is, to me, not the atrocious spelling and nonsensical sentence construction, but the fact that THEY ARE TRYING TO SELL YOU THEIR USED BATH TOWELS!!
There’s even a thread on here about how used garbage cans are gross, but what about the hunks of terry cloth that they’ve been rubbing all over their naked bodies for who knows how long? And they think someone will want to BUY them?
On second thought, there are probably people who want to buy these towels – but they’re in the “personals” section.
Crikey! Even with the photos I still have NO idea what that first person is on about.
It saddens me a little that my intellect doesn’t live up to craigslist standards. 🙁
And that used trash can – magic. I want you to buy my piece o’ sh*t $5 trash can for $10 craiglisters, or your best offer. But ONLY your best offer, don’t lowball me with your sorta-good offers, or your pretty-top offers. B@stards.
Ooh..this is like Craigslist HTML.
You start the tag with “nice, nice” then close the tag with “slash-nice” and everything inbetween is, well, guaranteed to be NICE!
Hmm…I’d say that the chair next to me is worth the ∫x^2 + 3x+4 from 1 to 2 dollars.
What’s so nice about a used bathroom set? Please take my 20 year old germ ridden bathroom set. It was really nice when I bought it.
THAT IS MY GARBAGE CAN!!! My a-hole landlord stole it!!