You Suck at Craigslist

Category: household

  • YSaC, Vol. 1790: Betsy Ross Decides to Kick Some Ass

    If ever there was a time for the “this can only end badly” tag, it’s here:

    Vintage Sew Machine

    Please see the required phone call info posted below–NO TEXT–NO EMAIL:
    For sale here is a Most Excellent Vintage sewing machine from Sears Roebuck & Co…This Kenmore machine was built when they still built GOOD sew machines ,is VERY heavy duty cast iron in a nice well built, solid wood , dove tail [Cherry I think], cabinet with knee control..looks to be very little used and comes with the original operator manual also in as-new condition ,and drawers full of attachments for this machine–A give away @ $150, and I might take some ammunition reloading equipment as trade.. Loosing my eyesight & threading needles is a real project..

    Right. You’re going blind, so you’re not interested in sewing. So what hobby are you turning to instead? SHOOTING?!?

    If you need me, I’ll just be hiding over here in Newfoundland.

    Thanks for the post, Gina!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1785: Owner of a Lonely Seal

    $$===FREE HEART EGG/PANCAKE RINGS

    * 2 Piece set
    * Stay cool knock down handle
    * FDA approved
    * Heat resistant to 500F/260C
    * Makes perfect heart shaped pancakes and eggs

    Just to be clear – this is a heart:

    To be fair, it is not shaped like this:

    ♥

    However, it also not shaped like a seal, an armadillo, or the state of Michigan. In addition, of the two things in the set, there appear to be three of them.

    Thanks for the post, Stephanie!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1770: I’m NOT sleeping on a #*%($ Sealy!

    Kit A sends this one:

    free bed all stains 40 years old!

    Free twin box spring and mattress in old stained shape, all stains guaranteed to be over 40 years old. Got a bed wetter this is the free bed for you! Daisy pattern in great shape minus the 40 year old pee stains.
    Put a cover on it for the in-laws stay this holiday they will never know! Smells fine well a little musty from the garage but absolutely no pee smell!
    Will deliver to [location] only!!

    Ah, 40 year old pee stains. That would date them from 1974. 1974 was a good vintage in [location] for pee stains. The 1974 Daisy Pattern is known for having notes of polyester and macrame, with just a hint of cocaine. Definitely worth picking this one up, before the poster puts it up for auction at Christie’s.

  • YSaC, Vol. 1760: Magic Bust

    kenmore. Elite Matching washer and dryer – $250


    They r brand new and need to sell girl Friends mom got Got one that she’s more room cuz the house is small a top on in the bottom one saw these ones are up for grabs 250. Ob offer thanks

    So you’re selling your girlfriend’s mom? Is that legal? Also, I’m not sure sawing a washer is really good for it. Or is this some sort of magic trick? Wait, I think I’ve seen that one: You push the washer/dryer together, put your girlfriend’s mom in so she’s sticking out of both sides, and then saw it in half. Yeah, that was pretty good. Not as good as making the Statue of Liberty disappear while it was inside a refrigerator, but waay better than escaping from the dishwasher while handcuffed.

    Thanks for the magic, sd!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1751: Please phrase that in the form of not stupid

    And now, it’s time to play the exciting new game show, “Boat or Grill?”

    boat or….. grill NEW in box – $25 (ne metro)

    Um. That’s a grill.

    Not really all that exciting a game show, now that you mention it.

    And if you think that’s bad, wait till you try the home game.

    Thanks for playing, sd!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1747: With apologies to Rob Van Winkle

    OLD ELECTRIC CLOTHES PRESSURE – $30

    VENTAGE ELECTRIC CLOTHES PRESSURE WOKS WELL 27″ wide 50 YRS OLD

    dun dun dun da da dun dun,
    da dun dun dun da da dun dun…

    Pressure,
    Pushing down on pants,
    Pushing down on shirts,
    no man has worn

    Under pressure,
    That gets your seams all flat
    takes your wrinkles out
    can leave scorch marks

    It’s the terror of knowing
    This machine has a mouth,
    The knobs look like eyes
    Screaming “Let Me Out!”

    Thanks for this scary appliance, Susan!