You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: punctuationally challenged

  • YSaC, Vol. 1727: After five it’s a gas

    Thanks to our wonderful readers, it’s been quite some time since the Llamanun and I have had to actually LOOK at Craigslist for blog fodder. We still have plenty of good suggestions in the queue, but just for the heck of it, I decided to see what the “Casual Encounters” section had to offer.

    The problem with looking on “Casual Encounters” for terrible Craigslist posts is that it’s just too easy. It feels like cheating, almost.

    I just want boobs. – m4w

    I just want boobs to play with, maybe more if we both agree.
    No pressure, just fun.Send picture and your age.
    Big or small i like em all.

    NO PICTURE NO REPLY.

    Put BOOBS in the subject line to weed out spam.

    This may be the only person in the world where you put BOOBS in the subject line and he’s less likely to consider it spam.

    Need a tattooed man – w4m

    Do you look like the guy in the photo? Tattoos and glasses?? I love guys who are rocking this style, it drives me crazy! Hit me up if you are one of them 😉

    Apparently her style is “albinos in snowstorms,” because there was no actual picture.

    Busy med student seeking something casual – m4w

    Hello!

    I am a 24 year old busy med student. I’m white, clean, fit, and hung:)

    I am looking for a laid back girl for a casual no strings relationship.

    I am in a relationship if my own, but I miss the excitement of meeting new people. If anything happens, it needs to be on the down low.

    I am very normal and I am not going to stalk or murder you lol. I don’t have time for that.

    If you are interested in chatting message back. Put your eye color in The subject line:)

    I promise you will not regret it!

    What’s terrifying is that if this guy were just a little less busy, he’d have time to stalk or murder you.

    Thanks for the posts, Craigslist!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1721: Wow!

    jaguar s type Low mail – $5900




    2001 jaguar s type Low mail odometer: 76000
    I have jaguar s Low mail
    good car
    76.000
    Cline title
    V6 3.0
    RWD
    Luther
    Son roof

    Serious buyer only and cash is preferable. Interest? Please call me @ [number]
    And . [different number]

    Wow. Such car! So title! Very Luther!

    Wow!

    Thanks for the post, sd!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1718: Love seat, baby, love seat!

    5 foot maroon love seat willing to listen to offers – $125 (Lincoln)

    There’s some text with this one, but it’s not important. This is a 5 foot maroon love seat willing to listen to offers, folks — do you realize how rarely 5 foot maroon love seats are willing to entertain offers? Usually they just hang out and insist that you go see the movie THEY want to see, just like last weekend when they asked what you wanted to do and you said that you really wanted to go see “The Fault in Our Stars” and the 5 foot maroon love seat didn’t respond at all and then about five minutes later said, “Let’s go see the X-Men movie.” Or the time you tried to get it to realize that its flirting really upset you, and it promised it would take your feelings into account, only for you to find it at the bar hanging out with that ottoman from down the street. Or the time you tried to get the 5 foot maroon love seat to stop invading the Ukraine, and it said it was totally listening to you and it wasn’t building up its military forces on the border, but it actually was anyway and then went ahead and invaded even though you asked it very nicely not to.

    So this 5 foot maroon love seat is different, see?

    Thanks, Amy!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1656: Which witch is winch?

    2011 jeep grand Cherokee 4wd – $9000

    I have a 4wd Jeep Cherokee. Its is dully loaded and has a which attached to front ranch hand bumper and grill gaurd. It is on a 4 in suspension lift and a 6 inch body lift has 35 mud grip tires(1200) witch has only been on it for two months. The truck only has 48,000 miles on it. i am looking to trade it but I looking for certain things only. I don’t need it but its paid for so O don’t have to sell it. Now here is what I am looking for. A lady( preferable married to how wants the jeep) she mist be 18 to 50 and fit. I give you the jeep and you leave your wife with me for a week. When you come pick her up she have the signed title to the jeep. So if interested send me several photo of the wife and I get right back to you. The photo need to be nude after all she will be for a week.

    Hi all! It’s drmk here. You may have noticed that Dan’s been writing most of the posts recently. That’s because I’ve been … er, away. I’m back now, though.

    Hey, do you like our new Jeep?

    Thanks, Chance!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1646: “Me fail business? That’s unpossible!”

    Happy New Year, everyone! New Years Day is about self-reflection, and carefully considering how you will make yourself a better person in 2014. It’s about making a fresh start, and about being optimistic about the year ahead. It’s about the joy and wonder we can each find in our fellow man. It’s …

    who can tell that what’s my GPA score?

    I do not know my GPA ? who can tell me ? need apply for school

    Oh, never mind. It’s all about the Sparkys, just like every year.

    Happy New Year! Thanks, Buff!

    * To be fair, there is no GPA listed here, and this appears to be a transcript from a British university where they don’t calculate GPAs. But since Sparky here had 100% attendance in his Business program, one might assume that he would (a) know that and (b) be able to conjugate English verbs. Also, if Sparky has completed a Masters degree, and is applying for school, that means … no, it’s just too horrible to think about.

  • YSaC, Vol. 1642: Worst baby name list ever.

    Olive Edith Zola Koa Beatrice Chamois Petal Cindy Urna Lila – 19

    Arnold Cypress Merlin Puck Luke Mike,Mikey Dickens Kokamo Magic Hamlet Jock Fletcher Comet Falcon Basil Hobbit Morley Mako Gusevik Zog Elwood Fighter Bubby Friday Dalton Wiggles Houdini Juice Harper Piranha Kegger Bellamy Norman Wolfer Durango Micha Davinci Rusty Paloma Cowboy Flipper Cujo Joe Zepplin Horus Caliber Patches Felix Rooney Pylon Ronin Matera Bean Hunter Wiley Zephyr Fender Atlas Moose Loki Hart Funky Zeb

    I give this four stars. I want to give it five, but the third act was slow and a little hard to follow. Also the use of the deus ex machina to resolve the central conflict was a bit of a cheat. So really it’s only worth three stars, now that I think about it. And even that might be a bit generous. I mean, they introduce “Piranha” about halfway through and never develop the character at all. And you can see the twist ending with “Zeb” coming a mile away. So maybe only one star, minus one-half star for the comma splice and lack of punctuation.

    Thanks, Mike!