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YSaC, Vol. 1718: Love seat, baby, love seat!

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drmk

in

5 foot maroon love seat willing to listen to offers – $125 (Lincoln)

There’s some text with this one, but it’s not important. This is a 5 foot maroon love seat willing to listen to offers, folks — do you realize how rarely 5 foot maroon love seats are willing to entertain offers? Usually they just hang out and insist that you go see the movie THEY want to see, just like last weekend when they asked what you wanted to do and you said that you really wanted to go see “The Fault in Our Stars” and the 5 foot maroon love seat didn’t respond at all and then about five minutes later said, “Let’s go see the X-Men movie.” Or the time you tried to get it to realize that its flirting really upset you, and it promised it would take your feelings into account, only for you to find it at the bar hanging out with that ottoman from down the street. Or the time you tried to get the 5 foot maroon love seat to stop invading the Ukraine, and it said it was totally listening to you and it wasn’t building up its military forces on the border, but it actually was anyway and then went ahead and invaded even though you asked it very nicely not to.

So this 5 foot maroon love seat is different, see?

Thanks, Amy!

Comments

32 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 1718: Love seat, baby, love seat!”

  1. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    Wow, a purple love seat. What kind of idiot would want a purple love seat?

    Uh, One? I think that’s maroon.

    Oh. Wow, a purple love seat. What kind of maroon would want a purple love seat?

    1. nojazzhere Avatar
      nojazzhere

      OMV…actually laughed OUT LOUD at that….feel like an idiot,er, whatever. signed, A Maroon Minion

      1. One Moving Violation Avatar
        One Moving Violation

        I actually got the joke here.

    2. kc Avatar
      kc

      What a maroon!

    3. Ralph Avatar
      Ralph

      Obviously a 5 foot maroon would want a purple love seat.

  2. C"From Behind.....Suddenly"J Avatar
    C”From Behind…..Suddenly”J

    Wait, this is Tuesday, right?

    Did I wake up on Wednesday?

    Did I miss Tuesday?????????

    WTF are these strange little holes in my belly?

    And, why am I standing outside in my jammies?

    Guys?

    Guys??

    GUYS???????!!!

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Well, Sunday was Monday this week, so, yeah, Tuesday is the New Wednesday.

      (Shhh! The Llama-nun is having a senior moment! Try not to notice.)

      1. C"From Behind.....Suddenly"J Avatar
        C”From Behind…..Suddenly”J

        Yes, well all well and good, but I SEEM TO BE MISSING A KIDNEY!!!

        1. One Moving Violation Avatar
          One Moving Violation

          And all they left you were the stones!

          Stones! Going to get my picture on the cover. Stones! Send 10 copies to my mother…

    2. Brer Fox Avatar
      Brer Fox

      And, why am I standing outside in my jammies?

      Better than standing outside in your jellies.

      1. P-Rex Avatar
        P-Rex

        Or standing outside getting your jollies.

  3. Irregular Fractal Avatar
    Irregular Fractal

    Besides, that wasn’t even an ottoman. It was a trashy step stool with that someone reupholstered with velvet sweatpants and leather fringe.

    Hussy.

  4. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    *sits on love seat, gets comfortable*

    Well, lets see. I could put you in my storage unit. I have one of those you know. The problem is the winters here. with all of the snow, spring run-off might seep under the door and you might get wet. Then you might get moldy or mildewed.
    I could send you to a relative of mine. He is always replacing his furniture because it breaks. His immediate family and friends are really hard on furniture. You may be headed or the curb in about six months.
    I could sell you off… er rehome you for some rehoming cash on craigslist. Would you like that? Maybe you’ll wind up with some lonely person who doesn’t have anyone to love. I know you don’t like it when “loving” is done on you. And you’re such a good listener too. Maybe you’ll end up with a stockbroker and you can call me with some inside information. Hey, that’s a good idea. I’ll go put you in a craigslist ad.

  5. Brer Fox Avatar
    Brer Fox

    You know, it’s not a good idea to have furniture with two cousions in your house. All kinds of hanky panky could start going on. Unless you live in the south that is.

    1. Demon Duck of Doom Avatar
      Demon Duck of Doom

      Well sure, they’re kissin’ cousions.

    2. CapnMac Avatar
      CapnMac

      Or, unless one is a Lannister . . .

  6. Dave and Ferret Tribe Avatar
    Dave and Ferret Tribe

    It sounds like an improvement over the settee that claimed to love me but never listened to a word I said.

  7. HamCan Avatar
    HamCan

    5 Foot Maroon is my Prince cover band.

    1. One Moving Violation Avatar
      One Moving Violation

      I used to be a 5 foot maroon just like you, then I took yellow in the knee.

    2. Demon Duck of Doom Avatar
      Demon Duck of Doom

      But then who is your Maroon 5 cover band?

      1. HamCan Avatar
        HamCan

        Yes, Who.

        1. C"From Behind.....Suddenly"J Avatar
          C”From Behind…..Suddenly”J

          What?

          I don’t know!

          Third base!

  8. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    My sense of time is all off! So here’s the Monday box-emptying post: C”one”J, Ralph, and C”two”J, Punchity Punch Punch! That has to last you for a whole week!

    Good Morning, Willing Slaves!

    1. nojazzhere Avatar
      nojazzhere

      I had one of these once, only the guy I bought it from said it was a catamaroon….took it out sailing once….ONCE.

      Is Sparky willing to listen to OBOES ?????

  9. Dan Avatar
    Dan

    So, yeah… we’re in Europe right now, and we have no idea what day it is. Next post will be Friday. Or maybe Thursday. But we should be back to normal next week. Week after, tops.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Dan, I really need you to define “normal”. Is that African or European?

      1. CapnMac Avatar
        CapnMac

        And no repressing the anarcho-syndicalists with the violence inherent in the system . . .

  10. SilvaNoir Avatar
    SilvaNoir

    I saw the X-Men movie and have no impulse to see The Fault in Our Stars, so maybe this furniture and I would get along?

    1. SilvaNoir Avatar
      SilvaNoir

      Though I draw the line at invading other countries.

      1. CapnMac Avatar
        CapnMac

        You say this now, but after some moist bint invests supreme executive power in you by lobbing scimitars your way, you are then faced with the sorts of difficult decisions that position requires.

  11. MissMommyNiceNice Avatar
    MissMommyNiceNice

    http://m.wgal.com/buzz60/dad-sells-trampoline-on-craigslist-because-his-kids-suck/26536228?utm_campaign=wgal+news+8&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=hootsuite

  12. Paul F Avatar
    Paul F

    “Ford? I think I’m a sofa..”

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