You Suck at Craigslist

Category: etc. jobs

  • YSaC, Vol. 397: Childhood is priceless. Childcare, not so much.

    need a sitter for 11:00 – $20

    sitter fell through earlier and i have to be at work at 12. my friend will be off at 5 and will come get my son right after. my son plays well with other kids. everyone tells me he’s an angel. and if you dont have kids of your own dont bother calling . and if youre a weirdo, you should be scared. i’ll only trust another mother. if you could come get him that woiuld be great, but i’ll make my way to you if theres no other way. and my name is xxxx by the way. thanks xxx xxx xxxx

    1. You’re offering someone $20 to watch your kid from 11-5 pm. In other words, the price you’re putting on your angel-child’s well-being is $3.33/hr.
    2. Oh, that’s right, you’re also offering to let a stranger pick your child up and take him away with them.
    3. I didn’t realize that mother and weirdo were mutually exclusive categories.
    4. For extra bonus hilarity, you posted this at 9:30 am, and you think you have the ability to be picky.

    I didn’t think it would be possible to find a worse offer than that, but of course I did. This one was from kijiji.com:

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 394: That would go under ‘Special Skills’.

    HELP Need HR Prof Consult to update resume = $75?

    Seeking a ‘quick’ consult with an experienced “Human- Resource- Group” professional.
    Concerns ‘possible’ risks of submitting resume when could ‘likely’(?) be vetted with a ‘significant’ blot in the public records.

    Let’s say, ‘hypothetically’, that I accidentally ‘killed’ a guy while I was in ‘prison’ for child ‘pornography’. Is that something I should mention in my cover letter, or do I wait for the interview?

    Thanks for the submission, Aubrey!

  • YSaC, Vol. 391: Did I mention it’s a touching story about a boy and his dog?

    writter to needed

    I have the plot and the outline for one of the best novels to be wriiten. I need a writter who will be able to put the plot together . The book will be one of the best sellers when released

    See, there’s this guy, and he accidentally stumbles upon this conspiracy. And there’s a hot girl who happens to be a scientist, and she doesn’t believe him at first but then realizes he’s right and falls in love with him. And they keep encountering these people who they think they can trust, but some of them turn out to be vampires, and the vampires go to this school where they learn to do magic. And this one vampire is alienated from her family, and there’s a subplot about how she learns to trust her estranged vampire father again. But then the vampire father turns out to be a time traveler, and is part of the conspiracy theory against the other guy. And at the very end, the boat sinks.

    Thanks to Skye for sending in this ad!

  • YSaC, Vol. 389: But I *paid* someone to write it, so that’s okay.

    Sociology research paper (new orleans)

    I need a thorough research paper, 20 pages, 20 sources.
    if you have it already written i am interested.

    • Location: new orleans
    • Compensation: 300$

    Kris sends this listing in, saying, “Really, dude? You’ve got $300 bucks in spare cash but not enough time to do your own school work?”

    Just for fun, I emailed our budding sociologist to ask some important questions — like, what topic? What university and what class? Sadly, I got no response. His loss. (Actually, since I was planning on turning him in to the professor, it might have been the wise choice on his part.)

    Anyway, I wouldn’t have written Sparky’s sociology paper for him, but it probably wouldn’t have been too hard to find someone who would have:

    Harvard Grad custom writes your term papers-no plagiarizing, ever

    I custom-write your paper on any topic you need. Topic research included in price quote. MLA or APA formatting… email me at Smarts4hire@xxxxxxxxxxxx.com for a fast price quote.

    This ad was submitted by Naomi, who says, “The New Oxford American Dictionary says to plagiarize means to “take (the work or an idea of someone else) and pass it off as one’s own.” Note that I ever so carefully cited my source. So, could someone explain to me how it is possible to have someone else write your term paper and to then turn it in under your own name, but still have “no plagiarizing, ever?”

    Sigh. Stay classy, Harvard. (Says the graduate from a different snooty ivy-covered campus …)

  • YSaC, Vol. 384: What if Veruca Salt used Craigslist?

    If you’re advertising on Craigslist looking for someone’s services, maybe it’s best not to be a jerk about it:

    NEED a Proven tato artist whos great and affordable

    need someone whos not a creep or a phony. willing to pay up to $200 for one tatoo on both arms. this will be permenet obviously, so I want it to be as close to perfection as possible. willing to negotiate price if tatoo artist i super good. email, txt pictures of past personal drawings ( i will make sure you YOURSELF drew them. I wil also check your ID to make sure its you, and body check before you enter my place making sure you dont have shit on you. call me asap. seriously, the first person who calls will get a fair chance. the tatoo will happen at sunrise on the bay. I WANT A MIAMI DOLPHINS LOGO (they are my favorite team, if you have a problem with that then enjoy not making money. I also want a tattoo that reads LEENOY but in Biblical Hebrew text surrounded by some design. If you know, speak, or read hebrew thats a plus. please respond soon. thanks! want ears pierced too. if you have own credit card thing that be awesome, if not well go to to ATM AFTERHAND, I WILL NOT PAY BEFORE IM SATISFIED WITH THE TATTOOS. xxx-xxx-xxxx. if your a joker, ill block ur number

    How can you make sure that someone drew something? Would you say, “Here, draw this again in front of me, so that I knew you drew this”? And I’m not exactly up on the current rates for tattoos, but doesn’t $200 for two tattoos and two piercings seem a little low to you?

    Have you considered all that rontatooman could offer you?

    I need a therapist – w4m – 25

    If you have a degree in psychology or counseling and you are just so sick of getting paid to listen to someone complain and you want to her some one cry for free you should write to me. I was just dumped by my boyfriend after he found out I was sexually assaulted by one of his roommates. His other roommate is my best friend who happens to be dating my attacker and now she wont talk to me either. I recently graduated and can’t find a job. I just put my home on the market and I’ve got no place to go.

    If you’ve got a should that’s longing to be soaked with tears let me know.

    384

    That’s right, if you’re a trained, licensed therapist and you’re sick of getting paid to listen to people complain, why not do it for free?

    (I’m not saying that this person doesn’t need some help — if she was assaulted, she should definitely talk to authorities — but this is probably not the way to go about it. You know, versus free clinics and the like.)

    Possibly even more oddly, this was posted in Strictly Platonic. One wonders what her relationship with other therapists has involved.

    Thanks to Kimberly for the demanding tattoo recipient ad and to Aunty Christ for the therapy ad!

  • YSaC, Vol. 331: A woman’s work is never done …

    secertary with photo shop expert

    WERE ARE LOOKING FOR A GIRL THAT KNOWS ABOUT PHOTO SHOP -AND TAKING PICS AND MAKING CATALOGS .
    PLEASE CONTACT ALLEN AT alen@xxxxxxxxxxxx.com

    A … secertary. That knows about photography, photoshop, and making catalogs. Maybe I’m crazy, but that sounds like a graphic designer to me. Or a photographer.

    And of course it has to be a girl, because secretaries are always girls.

    Sigh … so much to snark at. All caps, poor spelling, and misogyny. It was really hard for me not to leave the company name in the email. I would like to point out, though, that it looks like Allen spelled his name wrong in the email. I hope those female photoshop experts were able to figure that one out.

    This reminds me of one of my bosses from a while back; he actually uttered the phrase, “How did you learn so much about computers when you’re just a girl?” In my head, I translated that to, “Thanks for fixing my computer again.” It was the only way I could stop myself from kicking him in the shins with my shiny Mary Janes.

    [Thanks to Caryn for the submission!]