YSaC, Vol. 1743: Boweling for Dollars

2014 August 15
by dan

It’s amazing the things you can find on Craigslist:

Avengrs Panic Table

WOW*** BIG HORSE ***STAFFED ANIMAL ***

fish bowels

Heavy Solid Made in USA Copper Bowels

Breaded Dragon

Gardenza – $30

Self repelled mower

Leather ‘barker’ lounger

Doeer electric corp. Wench – $1

STUDIO W/ WALKING CLOSET

Thanks, Melissa, sd, euleria, Lynette, Molly, Ginger, Ted, Cat, and Jessica!

31 Responses leave one →
  1. 2014 August 15
    CapnMac permalink

    Sounds like the synopsis of the next SyFy movie . . .

    Adores: 2
  2. 2014 August 15

    Refrain:
    Fish bowels, fish bowels,
    Solid copper fish bowels,
    Fish bowels, fish bowels,
    Barf them up, yuck.

    In the morning, play with breaded dragon.
    In the evening, staff jobs for the horse.

    Refrain

    Sit with fish bowels on the barker lounger.
    Sit with fish bowels at the panic table.

    Refrain

    They can’t use the self-repelling mower.
    They can’t water the gardenza bush.

    Refrain

    Solid copper fish bowels are never seen walking with the closet or drinking cappuccino with electric wenches. Yeah!

    Refrain

    Adores: 9
  3. 2014 August 15
    meeshybee permalink

    After doing yard work in the Florida sun, my husband is definitely a self-repelled mower.

    Adores: 3
  4. 2014 August 15
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Mad libs have made it big! Taking over craigslist one cryptic post at a time.

    Adores: 1
  5. 2014 August 15
    limelolly permalink

    I didn’t make it past the first three listings before I had a horrible image of a bad probably flitting through my brain. ::shudder::
    Somebody make it stop!!!

    Adores: 2
    • 2014 August 15
      limelolly2@hotmail.com permalink

      Ha…. probably = pron

      Predictive autocorrect doesn’t even want to recognize the horrible mental images.

      Adores: 3
  6. 2014 August 15
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Nice to see Woody Allen’s finally upgrading his lawnmower.

    Adores: 1
  7. 2014 August 15
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    And I’m pretty sure the Avengers Panic Table is what happens when the actors read the sequel script, on pins and needles about who Whedon’s going to kill off this time.

    Adores: 2
    • 2014 August 15
      capnmac permalink

      Avengrs Panic Table

      Ah, the lunch table for the skittish House at Hogwarts . . .

      Adores: 0
  8. 2014 August 15

    The Avengers stared as one while they ate their fish bowels from the Heavy Solid Made in USA Copper Bowels.

    “Breaded dragon, anyone?” the newest member, Gardenza, the Big Staffed Horse asked, passing another of the copper bowels around as he did so.

    “Did you see the size of his….?” Hawk, asked, obviously unable to finish the sentence.

    “Uh-huh…” Natasha answered, licking her lips and smiling.

    Gardenza got up from his chair, nearly knocking it over in the process – it’s not easy for a big staffed horse to sit in a chair, after all.

    “Well, I must be off,” he said climbing onto his self repelled mower.

    “Wait!” Natasha cried, breathlessly, “I’m coming with you. I must. I simply must!”

    Gardenza smiled, and even Thor had to ruefully agree, that staffed horse had something irresistible to the human women.

    “I guess I’ll just go sit in the leather ‘barker’ lounge, maybe catch some of the ball game.” Hawk said, sounding deflated.

    “I don’t know why you are all so upset with the new guy,” said Capt. Avenger, “look what I got..and we can share.” He added, producing a very realistic-looking Doeer electric corp. Wench.

    “And it only cost $1. Everyone can have a turn screwing.” He smiled.

    Meanwhile, Gardenza and Natasha had reached his place. It was a nice, large, enormous…stall overlooking a picturesque valley.

    “Show it to me…” Natasha breathed heavily, her ample bosom moving rhythmically and her eyes glistening. “Please, Gardenza…”

    Sighing, Gardenza replied, “Oh..alright, but I don’t know what is so exciting about it.” And removing his cape he pushed a button to reveal….

    The biggest gotdamb STUDIO W/ WALKING CLOSET
    Natasha had ever seen, and she swooned. “Oh, the shoes, the bags, the dresses, the guns, the knives, Gardenza I could live in this closet…if only it would stand still!”

    Adores: 14
    • 2014 August 15
      limelolly2@hotmail.com permalink

      Ceej, you always have the best stories.

      Adores: 2
      • 2014 August 15

        Thank you!

        That freaky puppy was my inspiration, but alas there was not room for Winston and Pickles in this installment.

        Adores: 1
        • 2014 August 15
          Meg permalink

          Winston and Pickles are the reason why the closet walks.

          Adores: 2
        • 2014 August 16
          camille permalink

          I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I miss Winston and Pickles.

          Adores: 1
  9. 2014 August 15
    Windrose permalink

    Somebody picked the wrong door on Let’s Make A Deal. SO hard to keep all of the large staff in the walking closet, what with their copper bowels and all.

    Adores: 2
  10. 2014 August 15

    Are Breaded Dragons self-toasting? Or are they not a fire-breathing breed?

    Adores: 2
  11. 2014 August 15

    C””J, Please come out of the corner so I can give you the punch you so richly deserve. Please? Sigh. I guess I can just punch Hammy instead. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Super Bowel Fans!

    Adores: 1
  12. 2014 August 15
    One Moving Violation permalink

    “Avengrs Panic Table

    Yoki Bare: Hey Bieber, I think I see a panic basket over there on that panic table.
    Bieber*: You mean the one surrounded by all those Ant-mans?
    Yoki Bear: No, the table that looks like Emma Peel.

    *(No, I’m not putting Bare behind Bieber)

    Adores: 2
  13. 2014 August 15
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Breaded Dragon

    Being a diabetic, my mother always pulled the breading off of breaded foods. But really, who wants to eat a naked dragon?

    Adores: 1
  14. 2014 August 15
    One Moving Violation permalink

    WOW*** BIG HORSE ***STAFFED ANIMAL ***

    This explains why Hobbits love the Shire.

    Adores: 1
    • 2014 August 15
      capnmac permalink

      As those who have given in to “I WANNA PONY!!11!!” have discovered, all riding stock requires a staff: Farrier; vet; tack masters; walkers; hay throwers; stall muckers; and the grounds-people at the stables.

      Adores: 3
  15. 2014 August 15
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    Walking Closet has been such a big hit that Chris Hardwick is angling to host Talking Closet.

    Adores: 1
  16. 2014 August 15
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    The more you fertilize your gardenza, the more dishes you can store in it.

    Adores: 2
  17. 2014 August 15
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Leather ‘barker’ lounger

    Let’s make a deal!

    And folks, please have your lounger spayed or neutered.

    Adores: 2
    • 2014 August 15
      capnmac permalink

      Saw, once, a long ways back, an ad for a barca longor<sic>.

      Figured that was targeted at some obscure, semi-literate, Iberian Vikings needing a new “long boat.”

      It also invites nautical puns involving specific kinds of sailing ships called Barks (or Barques), and the similar Barquentines (or Barquentines).
      {The [corey], for those interested, is that a Barque has ‘square’ sails on its forward masts, and fore-and-aft sails on its mizzen; a Barkentine is only square-rigged at its foremast, and fore-and-aft for all other masts.}
      I have no idea how these ships wound up with names so similar to the Spanish word for large(r) boat, as, to my understanding, the coinage was UK English.

      Adores: 0
  18. 2014 August 15
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Self repelled mower

    *imagines reaching for the mower and mower scoots away*

    Come Back Here!
    Well, at least this is better than a Self attracting mower.

    * flings arms in air. runs away*

    AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Help!!!! Get it away from me!!! Help!!!!!

    Adores: 2
    • 2014 August 17
      DigitalAxis permalink

      Would that constitute a Strange Attractor, or merely an Odd Attractor?

      Adores: 1
  19. 2014 August 15
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Doeer electric corp. Wench – $1

    Doeer, a deerer, a female wench.
    I’m just looking for $1*.

    *a buck

    Adores: 2
  20. 2014 August 15
    Ralph permalink

    Self-repelled mower.

    Adores: 2

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