It’s amazing the things you can find on Craigslist:
Avengrs Panic Table
WOW*** BIG HORSE ***STAFFED ANIMAL ***
fish bowels
Heavy Solid Made in USA Copper Bowels
Breaded Dragon
Gardenza – $30
Self repelled mower
Leather ‘barker’ lounger
Doeer electric corp. Wench – $1
STUDIO W/ WALKING CLOSET
Thanks, Melissa, sd, euleria, Lynette, Molly, Ginger, Ted, Cat, and Jessica!
Sounds like the synopsis of the next SyFy movie . . .
Bowelnado?
Refrain:
Fish bowels, fish bowels,
Solid copper fish bowels,
Fish bowels, fish bowels,
Barf them up, yuck.
In the morning, play with breaded dragon.
In the evening, staff jobs for the horse.
Refrain
Sit with fish bowels on the barker lounger.
Sit with fish bowels at the panic table.
Refrain
They can’t use the self-repelling mower.
They can’t water the gardenza bush.
Refrain
Solid copper fish bowels are never seen walking with the closet or drinking cappuccino with electric wenches. Yeah!
Refrain
After doing yard work in the Florida sun, my husband is definitely a self-repelled mower.
Mad libs have made it big! Taking over craigslist one cryptic post at a time.
I didn’t make it past the first three listings before I had a horrible image of a bad probably flitting through my brain. ::shudder::
Somebody make it stop!!!
Ha…. probably = pron
Predictive autocorrect doesn’t even want to recognize the horrible mental images.
Nice to see Woody Allen’s finally upgrading his lawnmower.
And I’m pretty sure the Avengers Panic Table is what happens when the actors read the sequel script, on pins and needles about who Whedon’s going to kill off this time.
Avengrs Panic Table
Ah, the lunch table for the skittish House at Hogwarts . . .
The Avengers stared as one while they ate their fish bowels from the Heavy Solid Made in USA Copper Bowels.
“Breaded dragon, anyone?” the newest member, Gardenza, the Big Staffed Horse asked, passing another of the copper bowels around as he did so.
“Did you see the size of his….?” Hawk, asked, obviously unable to finish the sentence.
“Uh-huh…” Natasha answered, licking her lips and smiling.
Gardenza got up from his chair, nearly knocking it over in the process – it’s not easy for a big staffed horse to sit in a chair, after all.
“Well, I must be off,” he said climbing onto his self repelled mower.
“Wait!” Natasha cried, breathlessly, “I’m coming with you. I must. I simply must!”
Gardenza smiled, and even Thor had to ruefully agree, that staffed horse had something irresistible to the human women.
“I guess I’ll just go sit in the leather ‘barker’ lounge, maybe catch some of the ball game.” Hawk said, sounding deflated.
“I don’t know why you are all so upset with the new guy,” said Capt. Avenger, “look what I got..and we can share.” He added, producing a very realistic-looking Doeer electric corp. Wench.
“And it only cost $1. Everyone can have a turn screwing.” He smiled.
Meanwhile, Gardenza and Natasha had reached his place. It was a nice, large, enormous…stall overlooking a picturesque valley.
“Show it to me…” Natasha breathed heavily, her ample bosom moving rhythmically and her eyes glistening. “Please, Gardenza…”
Sighing, Gardenza replied, “Oh..alright, but I don’t know what is so exciting about it.” And removing his cape he pushed a button to reveal….
The biggest gotdamb STUDIO W/ WALKING CLOSET
Natasha had ever seen, and she swooned. “Oh, the shoes, the bags, the dresses, the guns, the knives, Gardenza I could live in this closet…if only it would stand still!”
Ceej, you always have the best stories.
Thank you!
That freaky puppy was my inspiration, but alas there was not room for Winston and Pickles in this installment.
Winston and Pickles are the reason why the closet walks.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I miss Winston and Pickles.
Somebody picked the wrong door on Let’s Make A Deal. SO hard to keep all of the large staff in the walking closet, what with their copper bowels and all.
Are Breaded Dragons self-toasting? Or are they not a fire-breathing breed?
C””J, Please come out of the corner so I can give you the punch you so richly deserve. Please? Sigh. I guess I can just punch Hammy instead. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Super Bowel Fans!
“Avengrs Panic Table
Yoki Bare: Hey Bieber, I think I see a panic basket over there on that panic table.
Bieber*: You mean the one surrounded by all those Ant-mans?
Yoki Bear: No, the table that looks like Emma Peel.
*(No, I’m not putting Bare behind Bieber)
Breaded Dragon
Being a diabetic, my mother always pulled the breading off of breaded foods. But really, who wants to eat a naked dragon?
WOW*** BIG HORSE ***STAFFED ANIMAL ***
This explains why Hobbits love the Shire.
As those who have given in to “I WANNA PONY!!11!!” have discovered, all riding stock requires a staff: Farrier; vet; tack masters; walkers; hay throwers; stall muckers; and the grounds-people at the stables.
Walking Closet has been such a big hit that Chris Hardwick is angling to host Talking Closet.
The more you fertilize your gardenza, the more dishes you can store in it.
Leather ‘barker’ lounger
Let’s make a deal!
And folks, please have your lounger spayed or neutered.
Saw, once, a long ways back, an ad for a barca longor<sic>.
Figured that was targeted at some obscure, semi-literate, Iberian Vikings needing a new “long boat.”
It also invites nautical puns involving specific kinds of sailing ships called Barks (or Barques), and the similar Barquentines (or Barquentines).
{The [corey], for those interested, is that a Barque has ‘square’ sails on its forward masts, and fore-and-aft sails on its mizzen; a Barkentine is only square-rigged at its foremast, and fore-and-aft for all other masts.}
I have no idea how these ships wound up with names so similar to the Spanish word for large(r) boat, as, to my understanding, the coinage was UK English.
Self repelled mower
*imagines reaching for the mower and mower scoots away*
Come Back Here!
Well, at least this is better than a Self attracting mower.
* flings arms in air. runs away*
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Help!!!! Get it away from me!!! Help!!!!!
Would that constitute a Strange Attractor, or merely an Odd Attractor?
yes
Doeer electric corp. Wench – $1
Doeer, a deerer, a female wench.
I’m just looking for $1*.
*a buck
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