This was listed under Creative Services:
will do what it takes
will cry at beds pretend to be family u pick just no guys touching can bring others at your request u can pick them hit me up very open minded
I think someone’s seen “While You Were Sleeping” a few too many times. Either that, or we’ve found the solution to the “I need someone to pretend to be my girlfriend” posts.
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Apparently ‘what it takes’ doesn’t include punctuation.
OK – my first thought is that they are offering a wailing service for funerals and the like. Then on further reflection I decided that it could just as easily be a (slightly coy – ‘no guys touching’) prostitute specialising in redneck clients (‘pretend to be family’, ‘hit me up’, ‘will cry’, ‘very open minded’)……..for me the jury’s out.
The more I read, the more I agree with you. And also want to crawl out of my skin. (Flashes of “oh mommy”. Shudder)
It reminds me of a stand up routine (Nick Swardson) where he says his goal is to save as much money as he can so he can pay John Stamos to show up weeping at his funeral and confuse his friends.
Okay, here’s what I need you to do.
Get a tattoo of Chewbacca on your back, and find a pair of leather culottes. I’ll explain the rest when you get that done.
I’ve got the tub of nightcrawers ready and the sparklers on stand-by, but I’m going to need help mixing the Jell-o.
We’re also gonna need a blacklight. And who’s bringing the inflatable bounce house?
I found the rubber chickens and strapping tape you asked for. Where do you want the laser pointers?
I brought feathers, furballs, and bananas. But they were out of AAA batteries and soy milk, sorry. I brought matches and sour cream as substitutes.
This trunk has lederhosen, an accordion, a mirror ball, and modeling clay. I’ll be right back with the macaroni and cheese!
This trunk sounds suspiciously like a booby trap for a crafty, cheese-loving, keyboard and horn playing member of a German band.
It’s surprisingly comfortable.
will do what it takes
——————————————————————————–
“It” took little children. You want to do little children? If I could reach through this internet right now, I’d slap the snot right out of you. Arrghh!
Announcement! CJ is back in form and back in the box! 8)
And we sure need someone to clean up the lounge after a busy week of doors not working and nesting problems. Let’s get this Sparky to do it! No touching!
Leave it to the bird to complain about nesting problems.
Go to Theodore, Alabama, find the Mobile Greyhound Park. They keep moving it around because you know, drugs. Find Tiny Biscuit, and tell her to get out of there before she turns into a stud. Dognap her if you have to. I would do it myself but the greyhound park is not stationary and I get motion sickness. Oh, and you can cry if you want to. It probably won’t do any good though.
http://mobile.citysearch.com/profile/1484488/theodore_al/mobile_greyhound_park.html
How about girls touching? Can we have girls touching? Girls touching is okay, isn’t it? I think girls touching is okay. I think girls touching is just dandy. Do you like girls touching? I like girls touching. Girls touching makes me feel all fuzzy inside and furry outside. Girls touching is the best. Don’t you think girls touching is the best? I think girls touching is the best.
(Wait, did I just type that out loud?)
Corner, BF, and stay there!
“very open minded”
Yeah, I had an open mind when I was younger. My brain kept falling out. It would get all dirty. Once you have a dirty mind, most of the motivation to clean it just goes away. I’ve actually cleaned my mind several times, with a scrub brush. It got all scratched and some of the outer coating came off. It became less effective. So, I went down to the morgue and got another brain. A female one, females tend to be cleaner than males. At least that’s what my mother told me. So now I have an inner woman, and her name is Abby….
Sounds normal to me. 8)
I’ve had lots of women sitting on the bottom of my bed crying. It’s kinda weird, especially since the previous 10 seconds of love-making was so wonderful.
It was probably tears of joy.
You, stud, you.
Some people cry at the drop of a hat, others cry at beds. I only cry if you drop a bed on my hat. Argentina will cry for almost anything.
I specifically told Argentina not to cry for me, but does anyone listen to me? Oh, no.
[funeral corey]
I seem to remember reading of professional or hired mourners being used in some societies, and Brother Wiki backs me up. So don’t be hating on Sparky for trying to make a buck, heh?
[funeral corey out, gotta eat, tater salad and chicken are ready]
Dry them tears. Them dux are about to do it again. Quack! (no echo, no echo, no echo)
This has been one of the most fun reduxes of all time. OF ALL TIME! 8)
CJ, you have been resolved of your crimes and are now free to go. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Cry Baby!