You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 450: Hurr, hurr, you said “injector”.

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drmk

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Free porno – mags and videos

Moving in with my girlfriend. Got about 30 mags and 15 videos I need to get rid of. Hit me up if you’re interested. If I don’t pick up, leave a message and I will get back to you. And please do me a favor- In case I’m with my girlfriend when I pick up, say something like I’m calling about the ad for the valve injector for a 94 Chevy Blazer. I will know what you mean. And this will sound legit because I’m in the process of selling that part.

-Ben
xxx-xxx-xxxx

Violet submitted this ad, with the following comments:

“I feel like this posting really raises some tough questions. Like when he requests interested parties to “say something like I’m calling about the ad for the valve injector for a 94 Chevy Blazer,” what does he mean, something like that? What’s like that?”

“And if, as he helpfully points out, he really is selling that part, how will he know whether the person is calling about the porn or the valve injector? He’s going to have to ask some awkward follow-up questions that will be much more audible to his girlfriend than someone on the other end of the line and/or end up with an exasperated would-be masturbator who just wanted some fresh material and didn’t expect this kind of hassle or, more disturbingly still, some guy showing up to pick up his valve injector and being presented with a big box of porn. One thing, however, is not in question: these two kids are totally gonna make it.”

Comments

50 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 450: Hurr, hurr, you said “injector”.”

  1. flaco Avatar
    flaco

    Is it me or does “valve injector” sound like some kind of smut codeword anyway?

  2. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    Wow. On one hand, it’s somewhat considerate of him not to want to bring a big box-o-porn to his new love nest, but I’m going to have to agree with Violet. I can picture the poor guy who wants a fuel injector opening a box containing past issues of Playboy and Girls Gone Wld.

    1. DervishHeart Avatar
      DervishHeart

      You think Playboy is porn?
      Aaawwwww…that’s sweet.
      Haven’t been online for very long, have you?

      1. lareina Avatar
        lareina

        I was just going to say, on the same lines, in this age of instantaneously available online porn of infinite variety, who on earth would want someone else’s used, non-digital wank-fodder? That’s shared the same physical space as another guy has occupied when…um, ‘releasing the valve?’

        Ew. Just…no.

      2. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        According to Wikipedia,”Pornography or porn is the depiction of explicit sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual excitement” and Playboy counts, even though it is fairly tame by today’s internet standards. I did read this morning that Marge Simpson is suppose to be on the cover of the next issue.

  3. Katy Avatar
    Katy

    Ew… used porn.

    Getting a box of a man’s used porn is kind of like getting served someone else’s half-eaten meal at a restaurant… All the good stuff is gone and you the rest is picked through and thus contaminated by contact with the, um, fork.

    Makes me wonder if he’s dumping his whole ‘meal’ or just unwilling to admit that he likes ‘asparagus’ to his girlfriend.

    And how am I supposed to know you’re with your girlfriend when I call? Do you have me on speaker (because you should know that I’m the type of person who hates speakerphone. If you have me on it I will say ‘I’m calling in regards to the spank material’)

    1. Count Blah Avatar
      Count Blah

      “Makes me wonder if he’s dumping his whole ‘meal’ or just unwilling to admit that he likes ‘asparagus’ to his girlfriend.”

      I bet this guys has a thing for lemonade…poured onto his back. :O

    2. Malibu Niki Avatar
      Malibu Niki

      “Eww… used porn.”

      That was my first thought, too!

    3. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      There are some things that should just not be reused.

      1. bonni Avatar
        bonni

        OK, so I once dated a guy who was renting a room in a certain house. The guy who owned the house had . . well, a large walk-in closet (unlocked) of pornographic material. The guy I was dating said “. . well, the kind of weird thing about the porn closet is that . . . I mean, yeah, there’s a lot of porn in there. But he SHARES IT WITH HIS SISTER who lives nearby. Some of it is hers.” My friend also said “He did invite me to go in there and borrow some if I ever want any. I said no.”
        AIYEEEEEEEEEEEE

  4. lost_compass Avatar
    lost_compass

    I think this fellow’s pretty admirable: not only environmentally conscious (he could have just chucked his collection into the nearest dumpster), but a bit sentimental too, trying to rehome his porn into appreciative hands.

    Okay, into the one available hand.

  5. SoundsLikeVla Avatar
    SoundsLikeVla

    On the one hand, it’s nice that he’s cleaning up his act before moving in with his girlfriend. On the other hand….well, that one literally just needs to be cleaned.

  6. Tacomagic Avatar
    Tacomagic

    I know how this guy feels. I’ve got a huge box of valve injectors in my basement. I’m frightened that my wife will find it so I’m asking people to come to the door and ask to buy my porn stash. I know what they mean though *wink wink*.

    1. NotMyName Avatar
      NotMyName

      Look! I think it’s Taco’s first comment here! And it’s as hilarious as ever!

      1. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        Could be, but everything is spelled correctly. We’ll have to get the investigators in to do a thorough scan of the entry. Thanks for pointing it out, NMN! 8)

  7. Lo W. Avatar
    Lo W.

    As I have learned from the internet over the years, porn is now infinite in its varieties according to personal taste, so I find it intriguing that he gives it a generic description. I mean, what if you’re into futuristic cyberpunk and this turns out to be his pappy’s vintage Playboys (so old they don’t show pubic hair)? What if the videos are old VHS of Traci Lords before she was outed as underage and not the Mitteleuropa tranny granny bondage* that is the newest thing? If one were to call and ask these questions for clarity and his girlfriend were present, what’s he going to say that won’t indict himself? If this ad is indicative of his foresight and planning skills in general, I wouldn’t bet the rent on the relationship lasting …

    *Not an actual genre, as far as I know.

    1. B....... Avatar
      B…….

      “Not an actual genre, as far as I know.”

      It will be now. Way to go Lo W…..

    2. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      If he did try to leave a detailed description he’d be flagged so fast his head would spin.

      1. Lo W. Avatar
        Lo W.

        Flagged for detailed description? Really? I’ve seen plenty of explicit m4w personals that made my eyeballs bleed either from the description or the unfortunate graphics, which led to my thinking that the skeeve threshhold was pretty high. I wonder how offensive they have to be to actually taken down. I was just thinking along the lines of “straight, Asian” or “schoolgirl uniform” or “threesome” etc., nothing too detailed.

        1. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
          Igor The Vigorous

          Well, if he’s moving in with a woman, I hope for her sake he wanks to straight porn… 😛

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          To read the m4w or any personal ad you are first routed to that screen where they tell you there is potentially offensive material and not to go on if you might get offended. This was posted in the free section of the nominally ‘G’ rated main boards, which (on my local board at least) seems to be patrolled by a group of militant flaggers looking for the slightest error.

        3. Lo W. Avatar
          Lo W.

          @sarajean80:
          The general G-section boards placement makes sense with the lack of description. I hadn’t actually looked at CL itself in long enough that I’d forgotten the “must be 18” and possible adult materials disclaimers in the m4w (and presumably other similar) category.

    3. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Rule 34: No matter what it is, there IS porn about it.

      1. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
        Igor The Vigorous

        I don’t know much about /b/, but according to my friends, you just broke rules 1 AND 2.

  8. JAMen Avatar
    JAMen

    Nothing says commitment like unloading your used porn prior to taking the plunge. I’d be more impressed if he just threw it away.

  9. Apex Avatar
    Apex

    It will be easy to tell between the people calling about the valve injector and the people calling for the porn. The people calling about the port will say “I’m calling about the ad for the valve injector for a 94 Chevy Blazer” and then start giggling uncontrollably.

  10. Just Me Avatar
    Just Me

    Huh? He’s taking an ad on Craigslist to let everyone know he’s giving away free porn? I mean, how hard can it be to give away free porn? It’s porn. And it’s FREE. Just box it, put it out on the curb, and I guarantee it will be gone in five minutes.

    If secrecy is the object, why put an ad on Craigslist (where every girl who is about to move in with her boyfriend is right now saying to herself, “Hmmmm…”) then have to field calls from people who will doubtless want to go into a monumental amount of detail about the porn. Then meet up with them, and ew, no.

    I think there’s something else at play here. The whole “hey, who wants my free porn” thing is just hinky.

    1. meg Avatar
      meg

      I can only assume that leaving them out on the curb will end like this:

      http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sdo/541608921.html

      1. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
        Igor The Vigorous

        Thanks. I can’t bear to watch porn again for a week, thanks to that…

      2. Just Me Avatar
        Just Me

        Oh, this guy is just trying to pass the buck. “Hey, I’ve got free granny porn to give away, but don’t think I’m into this stuff, ‘cuz I’m totally not, I think it’s really gross, eeewww, I only have this stuff ‘cuz I was walking along and found this huge bag of granny porn out there on the sidewalk, and now I want to give it away because I don’t like this type of thing at all. I just found it. Yeah. That’s it. I FOUND it.”

  11. queensbee Avatar
    queensbee

    and of course, once he moves in with her, he will NEVER,EVER check porn sites on the interwebs. i agree abt used porn. just out it out with the recycle trash. the garbage collection folks will appreciate it. and its free!

  12. frigglesnitz Avatar
    frigglesnitz

    I have that old joke stuck in my head now, “I was so scared the first time I had sex – there was no one there to hold my other hand…”

    As soon as this load of laundry’s done, I’m throwing my brain in the machine, with extra bleach.

  13. MoxieHart Avatar
    MoxieHart

    If I learned anything from Avenue Q it’s that he internet is for porn!

    1. Bunny Avatar
      Bunny

      Just grab your dick and double click!

  14. JcT Avatar
    JcT

    I cant even make a joke about this one.

    How many levels of disgusting are piled one atop another in this posting?

    Everyone else has thoroughly covered the person who posted the ad and all of his mental defects. So I will just add this little line: How creepy is the other guy who takes him up on the offer and actually goes to this guy’s house to PICK UP the used spank material? Let’s have a show of hands, who would actually WANT this fella knocking on their door?

    1. frigglesnitz Avatar
      frigglesnitz

      um, those hands might not be available for viewing…

      1. JcT Avatar
        JcT

        Oh geez, maybe I shoulda said “Let’s have a show of the OTHER hands”…

        Hee hee! You’re silly!

  15. dogface Avatar
    dogface

    Sooo… Does this dude’s girlfriend listen in on his phone calls or something? Or does he make gratuitous use of the speakerphone? Because normally, unless you’re screaming or something, other people in the room can’t tell what the person on the other end of the line is saying. Although, normally, people wouldn’t want to buy used porn off Craigslist…

  16. jackie31337 Avatar
    jackie31337

    Doesn’t he know that the Internet is for porn?

  17. DooeyD Avatar
    DooeyD

    I suspect he’s gonna really regret his decision to give away his porn stash if (*cough*WHEN*cough*) things go bad with this girl and he ends up back in his own place again…

  18. Count Blah Avatar
    Count Blah

    So, depending on how much time this guy spends with his girlfriend, he might have to “sell the valve injector” twice. Or else tell interested porn addicts that the goods have already been claimed. Great planning there, Sport.

  19. Emsy Avatar
    Emsy

    This reminds me of the pregnant woman giving away her box of tampons. It seemed likely that her ad was a thinly veiled announcement to the world that she no longer needed tampax because she was pregnant. This guy probably wants the world to know he no longer needs porn because he is going to have regular sex … with a real woman! And much like the pregnant woman finds she will be needing her tampax in the future… well, you get the point.

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  21. PhantomBanker Avatar
    PhantomBanker

    Injector? I barely know her!

  22. Dave and Ferret Tribe Avatar
    Dave and Ferret Tribe

    Your wife … is she a goer? Does she like … valve injectors? For a … ’94 Chevy Blazer? Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more, say no more!

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Does she like photographs? Candid, eh? Know what I mean?

  23. wanda Avatar
    wanda

    Oh, boy. I come strolling home from mass* to enjoy a wholesome giggle with some wholesome folk, and this is what I get? I may just have to smack the next person who says “hit me up” with my umbrella**

    *This is so not true
    **This is entirely true

  24. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Why you think the net was born?
    Porn, porn, porn!

  25. Lou Stool Avatar
    Lou Stool

    What is Sparky going to do when his GF asks him why in the world a 12-year-old boy is calling him about a valve injector?

  26. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Demon Duck of Dave, Doom and the Ferret Tribe —

    Wait, that’s not right.

    Dave of Ducking Doom, and Demon Ferret Tribe!

    Closer. But still not right, is it?

    Hey! You guys in the box! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Car Talk!

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