YSaC, Vol. CLXXIII

2009 January 7

Unopened Kraftmaid celing cabinet


We are giving away a brand new unopened Kraftmaid celing cabinet for FREE!! It is green and very sturdy. Comes with two shelves and all of the hardware. Unfortunately, we have no room in our kitchen for it…it can be used anywhere (kitchen, bathroom, garage, shed, etc). First come, first served. Please call (xxx) xxx-xxxx to pick up.

Jonathan S. sends this one along, saying, “What aspect of this is unopened, exactly? It’s been taken out of the box, AND the cabinet itself has also been opened.”

Hmmm. Good points. Maybe it’s a closed-minded cabinet, and it needs to have its mind opened to the wonders of the world. For that I would recommend it be placed with the table and the Nirvana cabinet; maybe our unopened cabinet will learn something about itself and about the world. (Like how to spell “ceiling”, perhaps.)

21 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 January 7
    Mandee permalink

    Maybe it was unopened until they took the pictures!

    Adores: 0
  2. 2009 January 7
    Courtney permalink

    Yeah, at which point it is no longer “unopened.” I believe that is why they took the picture of the box itself so that you could see that it *hadn’t* been opened. But then don’t you just say “New, never installed/used” – something like that to indicate that yes, it has been removed from its protective cardboard housing, but nobody’s actually used it? It’s free – who the %$@# cares? Which makes it even more stupid to tout its unopened-ness because it doesn’t really matter. And they probably worked so hard hunting and pecking to find the keys to type “unopened”…

    Adores: 0
  3. 2009 January 7
    drmk permalink

    I think that’s the back of the cabinet, not the box it came in. Those are the shelves sitting on top of it.

    Anyway, I just like that the unopened cabinet is sitting there opened, in multiple senses of the word.

    Adores: 4
  4. 2009 January 7
    Random Person permalink

    I assume that the serious, boring explanation is that they bought two, but can only use one, so they’re photographing the one they’re going to use, not the “unopened” one.

    But what fun is that? I, too, enjoyed that it’s opened in, as you say, multiple senses of the word. That is definitely one opened cabinet.

    Adores: 1
  5. 2009 January 7
    Courtney permalink

    Oh, you’re right. That is the back of the cabinet, not the box. *head shaking* I’m at a loss for words when it comes to the openness of the unopened cabinet – and when it comes to humanity as a whole.

    Adores: 0
  6. 2009 January 7
    Courtney permalink

    The comments are going in out order… I think there’s some time zone funny business going on. Either that or I’m stuck in a time warp.

    Adores: 0
  7. 2009 January 7
    laura permalink

    I can’t get over the green color, maybe it’s just the camera but that’s not a color I’d want in my kitchen or bathroom.

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 January 1

      It is a rather sickly gray-green, something I’d expect of a filing cabinet in an old office, not a new kitchen cabinet

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 January 1
        CapnMac permalink

        It’s a terrible photo, but, from my time in casework, that’s probably a “milk-paint green” that has some popularity in the “country kitchen look” schema still popular.

        It is a color that takes careful balancing of wall, back-splash, floor and counter-top colors to not be oppressed in a dark pea-soup singularity. The fact that the casework manufacturers often choose how glossy/matte the finish is, further complicates the matter.

        Adores: 0
  8. 2012 January 1

    Ceiling Cat says that only the priesthood may open his holy cabinet.

    Adores: 5
  9. 2012 January 1
    valarie permalink

    Is the unopened cabinet made from virgin wood?

    Adores: 7
  10. 2012 January 1
    Windrose permalink

    I’ll bet there’s a cat in the cabinet. Or there isn’t a cat in the cabinet. Or the cabinet needs an observation window.

    Adores: 1
  11. 2012 January 1

    A lot of opened cabinets are actually unopened.

    Its a conspiracy, man.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 January 1
      Windrose permalink

      Or a conundrum. Or a cake.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 January 1

        The cake is a lie. The cabinet is a half-truth.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 January 1

          We’ve got cookies, though.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 January 1

          Of course we have cookies. The question is whether the cookies are in the mystical unopened opened cabinet conundrum.

          Adores: 2
  12. 2012 January 1


    She keeps Erwin A Schrödinger
    In her unopened cabinet
    Let him breath toxin she says
    Just like that poor old cat
    A built-in remedy
    For storing some cyanide
    At anytime radiation
    It may decay

    Adores: 4
  13. 2012 January 1
    CapnMac permalink

    Just as a guess, Spark’ bought a “scratch-n-dent” package of returned cabinetry. This included the corner cabinet they either could not use (or did not know how to use).

    [casework design corey] To use this algae-hued bargain, you’d need a corner to start in. Then, you (generally) need wall cabinetry of the same height, to extend from either side (else the use of the corner cabinet is rather silly). So, this cabinet type is foundational, not lagniappe. [/corey]

    Next guess: Spark’ considers this “unopened” as, no matter how many times Spark’ pokes their head in, it never, ever, opens to Narnia (or Spark keeps getting to Nunya, and has enough neural glimmer to spot the difference).

    Happy New Year!

    Adores: 3
  14. 2012 January 1
    DigitalAxis permalink

    It’s unopened, until you open it. Then you unopen it, so you can open it again. What’s not to understand?

    Adores: 3
  15. 2012 January 2
    Windrose permalink

    Dave and at least one Ferret, what was the box like, now that it’s 2012? Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Carpenteria!

    Adores: 1

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