You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: wtf?

  • YSaC, Vol. 214: It’s a good thing the bear wasn’t German.

    Perfect last min. V-day present (BRAND NEW AND STILL IN BOX) – $30

    Vermont Teddy Bear. BRAND NEW AND STILL IN BOX!! Its a cream colored bear with bow tie w a heart in the middle that says “Ti Amo” (that is I love You in French just in case you didnt know) If you were to buy one off the net it would cost more than $50. So if you are still needing a Valentines Day present I have you covered, SHE WILL LOVE IT!!!! You can reach me at xxx-xxx-xxxx or by email.

    214

    That must be how you say I love you in French Prudential, since (as we’ve recently learned), French Prudential furniture is made by a guy named Al Italian.

    Sorry this is a little late to help those of you who were struggling to find gifts. I tried to help you, I really did. I’m sure that a “French”-speaking bear with severed hands would have been exactly the thing you needed.

    Edited to add: Some sleuthing by Courtney reveals that the suck-o-meter goes up to 11 on this one. Apparently the tag doesn’t even say “Ti amo” — it says “¡Te amo!” … which, of course, isn’t French either — it’s “I love you” in Spanish. So somewhere between looking at the bear (presumably sitting in front of her) and typing it in, the poster got the actual words AND the language wrong.

    Sent in by Lecia — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 210: Keep on swimming, keep on swimming …

    Huge Blue Monkey perfect condition – $20

    You have to have it your kids will love it. It’s over 2 feet tall! Here are some pics below. If you have any other questions just e-mail me at xxxx.xxxxx@yahoo.com

    210

    That’s right, a huge blue monkey. Monkeys, as you know, are marsupials who live in the ocean. Their gills help them swing from tree to tree underwater. Their plush fur helps them survive in the Arctic jungles. Their diet consists mainly of tamales and Fun Dip, and they are world’s primary producer of elbow macaroni.

    (Now, in all fairness, there is something called a Pacific Monkeyfish. It looks a little different than the one being advertised, though, so I don’t think that’s what’s causing the confusion here:)

    210a

    That’s not even a little bit cuddly.

    I’m crediting this one to “D.L.”; they’ll know why.

  • YSaC, Vol. 204: Well, that’s all right then.

    do u need hair extension ? i need a foot massage, pedicure. and fren – $1500

    Hi my name is rene I do hair extensions for model, strippers,porno stars, etc. The best virgin hair w the best techniques. I need u to do my pedicure. Foot massage, frenchtip. These job have to be done at my home. If you do not have the skills to do it , do not try to practice on me, but if you have a talking bird it would be acceptable.

    Of course it would. Talking birds make everything better. Not even remotely qualified to perform surgery? Get a talking bird, and you’ll be doing appendectomies in an hour. No idea how to repair cars? You need yourself a talking bird! Incapable of shooting from the three-point line? Talking bird.

    Too bad I only have Tahiti Sam … I’ll never get to practice my mad pedicure skillz.

    Submitted by Lauren — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCIV

    “ELVIS” COW ROAD SIGN – $119

    Straight from the back roads of Vermont. 30″ sq.
    Great novelty item for garage or basement!

    Pick up only.

    If interested please email.

    194

    Is this like one of those 3-D things where you have to stand the right distance away and cross your eyes before you see the hidden image of Elvis? And is it the thin, pre-war Elvis or the old, bloated Elvis? That makes a big difference.

    Man, I can never get those things right. All I see is a cow.

    Edited to add: Oh wait, I get it now!

    cowelvis

    Thanks, Candace — that made it perfectly clear!

  • YSaC, Vol CXCII

    Somebody offer something for this car (far out)

    Rat Rod

    The place where this listing comes from is apparently referred to as the “Athens of the West”. This person seems to have decided to honor the statuary of the original Athens by …. encasing a car in concrete? I have absolutely no idea what I’m looking at here. I want to believe it’s a car under a cover, but it looks a little too rigid for that. (Besides, if it is a car under a cover, wouldn’t you take the cover OFF to photograph the car to sell it?)

    So maybe it’s a concrete sculpture of a car. If so, how is someone going to move it? And why on earth would someone WANT it?

    Wait, I know. Maybe it’s a modern art installation, and is a post-ironic expression of stereotypes of neighborhoods where there are more cars in the driveways that are on blocks than are on wheels. Perhaps the permanence of the sculpture of what is clearly a sports car is a reflection of the futility of the class struggle and is attempting to represent the weight of the tropes that keep us from true social mobility. The spare tire represents man’s inhumanity to man.

    Googling for “rat rod” reveals that the term generally refers to cars that “appears unfinished or is built simply to be driven.” (Thanks, Uncle Wikipedia!) I like my interpretation better.

    Sent in by Cheryl — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXVIII

    1/9-1/20: daughter and friend for sale

    just bring cash alot of it. not that their worth it but i am at the end of my rope car is totaled DAUGHTER fired from subway cause car is totaled pimple on her nose bumped my HEAD was fine before they got here selling totaled car on craigslist.AFTER I FIGURED THE CAMARA OUT FOR 2.5 HOURS, BOYFRIEND NOW ASLEEP COME GET THEM PLEASE!!!!*** 1999 MONTE CARLO GOOD ENGINE MAKE OFFER xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Katie sends this one in, saying, “Honestly, I’m not sure what it means– is she trying to sell her daughter and her daughter’s friend, as the title would suggest? Because her (presumably) teenage daughter got in a wreck and has acne? Or is she trying to sell the car? I just don’t know. And I don’t think I’ll ever know. This listing made me straight up existential.”

    All I can think is that it must have been one hell of a pimple if it was able to total a Monte Carlo just by bumping into it.

    Even stranger: it was listed under “Events”.