You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: speeling prolbems

  • YSaC, Vol. 344: We represent …

    Attractive Couple Looking for Acrobactial Midget – mw4w – 25

    Smart, young sucessful couple is looking for a attractive, short female who is under 4 feet tall.
    We enjoy being active and like to do things out doors. Boating, BBQing, camping, and anything fun.
    Must be athletic or at least willing to do atheletic things like gymnastics and poses.
    This will not be a sexual relationship, unless it leads to that in future.
    No major health problems, 420 friendly is a plus. Must like dogs and mexican hats

    Please respond with pictures to get pictures!
    Hope to hear from your shortness soon!

    My brain can’t parse the word “acrobactial”. I keep seeing antibacterial. “The Antibacterial Midgets” would be a terrible name for a band, though.

    I think this came out of a conversation in which the couple sat down and said, “Are our friends diverse enough? Let’s see, we’ve got Mike — he’s gay AND African-American, so that covers two. Mindy is half-Asian — does that count? We’ll have to look for more Asian friends. Rafael is Hispanic, Sandeep is from India, and Björn is from Sweden. You know what we’re missing? A midget. Let’s put an ad on Craigslist looking for a midget friend/sex partner. Then we’ll officially be diverse and hip.”

    I mean, let’s be honest here: who doesn’t need an athletic, weed-friendly, mexican-hat wearing midget in their lives? I know I do.

  • YSaC, Vol. 340: I think I’m turning … Part 2.

    This was posted in the personals section of the Osaka Craigslist:

    Hi – 28

    Im a single guy looking for a japanese women whos single and willing to relocate. I work full time for [name] hight school its good pay but great benifits. Im also an auto painter by trade so i like to stay buesy. I got a little shop ware i do my paint work when needed or when i want alittle extra cash. But the school is my maine job and is a state job and will get a pesion when i retier and i do invest into a 403k. Im doing ok for my age. that my work life.

    I enjoy movies and walks and going out for a bite to eat. I love all music as long as i can understand what thare trying say. I realy enjoy the import car seen i love imports so i need an import wife in my life lol (^V^) that will top me off i think. At this moment i share a home with my mother her and my father are going threw a brake up or devorces if u like. So im liveing with her to help her on some of her payments untile shes clear of them. I do drink but im not an every dayer and i smok i stoped for six months and just started agin. What was i thinking? I also enjoy sports indy car raceing and amrican foot ball and hockey. I played hockey all most my hole life.
    Im only going to reply to pic with photos and no site links. Im looking for some one real. If you know some english thats a pluse but i do not juge people my thare lingo.

    Other than that i to meet someone from japyland.

    Please write some stuff about your self so i know your real and seroues to.

    If you are a japanese women who is (are?) willing to relocate to a relatively small town in upstate NY to be with someone who works for a high school, you might want answers to the following questions:

    1. What is his “maine” job at the high school? And what is a 403k? I’ve heard of 401(k)s, and 403(b)s, but this appears to be some combination of the two.
    2. Import car = import wife. Nice. Do you expect to be able to trade her in after she’s got a few thousand miles on her?

    I really hope he’s not a teacher. He doesn’t “juge people my thare lingo.” Too bad I do.

    And … really? japyland? If he’s lucky, maybe she can teach him the Asian language.

    Thanks to Ems for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 339: Science!

    Pretty girl, Wheres her nice guy

    well im a big beautiful lack women. i attend school at BCC studing science. I work part-time to pay for school. i just moved here about a week ago and im currently living with my aunt. i love to go out and have fun when i have the time. im a really kool person to meet and get along with. Imm looking for someone who knows how to treat a real women wit respect and kindness and is willing to be able to give me what i need. He must have a job and some education. Im looking for a real women not a boy.

    Vanessa sends this one in, saying, “Is this poster supposed to be a big, beautiful black woman? Is the person in the picture supposed to be be black? Is this person looking for women or a man? I’m confused. Is this some new Craigslist scam that I don’t know about? Surely it can’t be a bot – they make more sense than this. On the other hand, I hope it is a bot, because then that means there isn’t someone out there who actually wrote this. Maybe someone can translate this one for me.”

    I’ll try: The poster is currently attending school and working part-time nearby, which is why she just moved there a week ago, because she studs science. She is a big beautiful black women, which explains why she is white in the picture — she’s multiple women! All of her is looking for someone who can treat multiple women (like all of her) with respect — they want a man who is a real women, not a boy.

    Does that help?

    No? I didn’t think so. Science is doomed.

  • YSaC, Vol. 338: Then again, my baby pictures ARE kind of embarrassing …

    Old photos and letters (home)

    Possablly free please since its for school and work. I need old photos for a project and i would take care of them. I mean old letters and photos from before 1980’s. I am hoping i can get for free and possablly keep if that be ok. If not i would give back. Please tell me in an email what you got and how many. and if you want them back or not. P.S.
    If you dont let me use them and possablly keep them for free i cant work with it sorry i dont have money to spend thats why i hope free please.
    P.S.
    Photos of the items in an email first so i see if it is usable. I need these so bad. My HS grade depends on them plus my college grade.

    A couple of things here:

    1. Since when did pre-1980s become OLD? [Now get the hell off my lawn, you damned kids.]
    2. How can both a high school grade AND a college grade depend on whether or not you can find someone to give you/loan you old photographs and letters? How can it be for school and work? What kind of project is this?
    3. How can someone possibly spell possibly as possablly? And possibly more important, how can that person possibly go to college?

    I can just see someone thinking to themselves, “You know, we don’t actually USE those letters that Grandpa wrote to Grandma while he was in the Army during the war … let’s let this nice kid have them for his project so he can pass high school and college.”

    Thanks to Martha — seriously, Martha, WHAT is wrong with people where you live?

  • YSaC, Vol. 332: … in the octopus’s garden, on her leg …

    realscumbag rontatooman – $160

    im writing about aman ron who lives at 172lampman ave he took my money and left my tatoo undone on my back right leg my son had a tatoo don saturday he had to go to the hospital because he got a bad staph infection from it the docter had to put him on antibotic pill and a antibotic cream all so this man is a real scumbag and areal asshole to take advantage of a woman who lives on a fixed income if some one could call me at xxx xxx xxxx an make arrangemts to com tomy houseand finish it forme iwould liketo get acall all i have is theout lineof the octoupuss head and the tresserchest and astar fish inthe front he was goingto make it look like it was a underwater ocean seen i have the dolphin onthe in side of the rightleg and on theouterside there is a seen with asunset water palmtrees and ocean water and two dolphins one jumping over the other one i just need the octoupuss finished and all the tentekils puton colored with megenta and pink colors and the treasurechestdon and the scubadiver putonn so maby someone will call me but i would not recomend no to go to 172lampman ave and have eney work don by ron

    Ow. My brain hurts. Octoupuss? Tentekils? What is with the random lack of spaces between some words [theouterside], extra spaces within things that should be words [all so], and random spaces WITHIN words [theout lineof]?

    How many right legs does she have? Doesn’t saying you have a back right leg sort of imply that there’s a front right leg as well?

    And here’s a thought: Call me crazy, but maybe if you’re on a fixed income, you and your son shouldn’t be getting elaborate tattoos?

    [Edited to add: with spizzlefish’s prompting in the comments below, I realized that “rontatooman” anagrams to “or an ottoman“. Yes, I’m easily amused, why do you ask?]

    DW, thanks for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 331: A woman’s work is never done …

    secertary with photo shop expert

    WERE ARE LOOKING FOR A GIRL THAT KNOWS ABOUT PHOTO SHOP -AND TAKING PICS AND MAKING CATALOGS .
    PLEASE CONTACT ALLEN AT alen@xxxxxxxxxxxx.com

    A … secertary. That knows about photography, photoshop, and making catalogs. Maybe I’m crazy, but that sounds like a graphic designer to me. Or a photographer.

    And of course it has to be a girl, because secretaries are always girls.

    Sigh … so much to snark at. All caps, poor spelling, and misogyny. It was really hard for me not to leave the company name in the email. I would like to point out, though, that it looks like Allen spelled his name wrong in the email. I hope those female photoshop experts were able to figure that one out.

    This reminds me of one of my bosses from a while back; he actually uttered the phrase, “How did you learn so much about computers when you’re just a girl?” In my head, I translated that to, “Thanks for fixing my computer again.” It was the only way I could stop myself from kicking him in the shins with my shiny Mary Janes.

    [Thanks to Caryn for the submission!]