Tag: speeling prolbems

  • YSaC, Vol. 304: Oooh, I’m deail-oieed! Pick me!

    Another listing from kajiji.com:

    Development Internship


    Job Title: Development Internship
    Job Code: 62707
    Location: Beverly Hills, CA

    Job Description: Awad Wiig Poducio Compay seeks ceaive ad moivaed developme ies, wih good compue skills ad kowledge of PHOTOSHOP, EXCEL,WORD, ad WEB DESiGN. Cadidaes mus be deail-oieed, ad skilled a efficie muliaskig. Mus have a ca ad good phoe maes. Ie mus be self-moivaed wih good ceaive juice ad good disposiio. Mus have a ca, 4-5 hous a day 3 imes a week, we will wok aoud you school schedule. Wa o lea moe abou he ceaive pocess of he TV/FILM Idusy ad ge a lo of oe o oe aeio? Souds like fu?The e-mail a sho message abou youself, you school, you coac ifo, ad aach a esumeResposibiliies iclude assisig wih geeal office duies, help maiai ad impleme ew ideas fo ou websie. Wie coveage, email ad pos o websie, ad blog sie. All of hese duies deal wih coe, compleed episodes , wokig o a movie almos fom scach. Please ell Globalkid Vid & Film Facoy ha you foud he lisig a Coac: PLEASE NO PHONE CALLS VIA- EMAIL IS PREFFERED. Via email: melaie@xxxxxxx.comThis employe will accep you esume as ex i body of emailThis employe will accep you esume as a aachme &bsp; Please ell Globalkid Vid & Film Facoy ha you foud he lisig a View all he lisigs fomGlobalkid Vid & Film Facoy Pie Fiedly VesioEmail his o a fied

    Elle sends this one in, saying, “I would think that the “n,” “t,” and “r” keys weren’t working, except the title and one sentence toward the end are spelled perfectly. Maybe this is part of the interview process – you must be proficient at deciphering ridiculous web-speak?”

    Well, not exactly perfectly, since they misspelled preferred (I know, I’m a pedant) … but it does seem as though the capital letters work (note the T in PHOTOSHOP, the R in WORD, and the N in DESiGN, and elsewhere). How very odd. Souds like fu, indeed. I’ve heard of disemvoweling, but this is ridiculous.

    I was eally emped o wie a log paagaph ad delee he same lees ha wee missig i he pos, jus o make you deciphe he ex some moe, bu I would eve do ha o you lovely people. Uless you sed i moe submissios, of couse!

  • YSaC, Vol. 290: It gets a 6.5 from the Romanian judge.

    These two entries are both from the same metropolitan area:

    student wants to learn doggi style


    I want to learn to do doggies with style…..and perhaps photography

    My desperate hope that this was someone asking for instruction on pet grooming were dashed when I realized that this post came from the “Adult Gigs” section.

    As does this:

    private lap dancers wanted


    big breast and boobs a plus no exp. nessacary

    This guy’s demanding — he wants a big breast AND boobs. I’m no slouch in the boobs department, but I don’t also have a big breast, so I guess I’m out. If the boobs don’t have to be big, we could set him up with these boobs. That might teach him to be a little more specific.

    Thanks, oliveees, for ruining my faith in humanity just a little bit more.

  • YSaC, Vol. 288: Yes, but does the carpet match the drapes?

    Still need a carpet layer – 49


    Ok, trying to get one room of carpet layed for several good blow jobs.
    Must be W/M not really overweight. Clean and DDF
    I am W/M 6’1 49 yrs old and about 240
    I have all the material needed. Carpet, padding and strips. Room is 12 X 14
    Must be descreet.

    Megan sends this one in, saying:

    “I have a few comments about this craziness:
    1. Is that all it takes to get carpet laid in Tallahassee? Seriously?
    2. So this guy has “all the material needed” but is the material for the blow jobs or the carpeting?
    3. Insert “carpet laying” joke here. (Would have been much funnier if this was a female asking for some carpet laying)
    4. My boss has been talking about having new carpet put in his house… should I be concerned?”

    If you’re desperate enough that you’re offering oral sex in exchange for having carpet put in your house, is it really in your best interest to be picky about who’s going to be doing it? “Sorry, you’re too fat/ethnic for me, so I’m not going to let you install my carpet.”

    Unless this is another one of those Craigslist euphemisms. Maybe “carpet, padding and strips” is really a code word for some kind of S&M thing. I’d imagine that being hit with one of those carpet nail strips would probably hurt. Okay, I’m done imagining that now.

    Oh, and “must be descreet” = “I’m married”. Just in case anyone was wondering. (Nobody was, right?)

  • YSaC, Vol. 284: Short, sweet, and utterly inexplicable.

    Potentially NSFW or children — it depends on how your workplace/child feels about bits of the female anatomy in bold capital letters and discussions of oral sex (or the lack of it). (No pictures.)
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 282: This one is spongworthy.

    Decritive spong holder – $2


    Has a rase patter on it[pink] big pink roaes on front holds sponges and other things.2 left call:xxx755xxxx
    businesses hours:
    Mon.:9am-5pm
    Tues.:9am-5pm
    Wed.:9am-5pm
    Thru.:9am-5pm
    Fri.:9am-5pm
    Sat.10am-2pm
    Sun:closed

    282a

    Heather sends this in, saying, “I was looking for a place to hold my spongs! There is actually a group of three posts from the same person; this one isn’t even the worst one.  I selected it for the spong factor.”

    She’s right. The other two ads are below the cut. I’ve cut out the “businesses” hours, but they are also open on Thrusday.

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 281: Comma, comma, comma, comma, comma chameleon …

    ladys this post is for you! please read! what a real man has to say – 38


    what im asking, is very , very, simple, my pictures are on here, so you see who i am, and im real, and my heart is real, my words are real, you see my pictures, yes , true, but a picture, can not tell you what im about. yes true, so please read my words, so you may understand,what this real man, is looking for, and asking , please here my words, feel them in your heart, for my love is real, my trust is real, my respect is real, my friendship is real,for i am real, what im looking for is you, the woman, who got used, im looking for the woman, who got played, im looking for the woman, who gave all her love, to someone and got no respect for it, im looking for the woman, who is so hurt for loving that someone, somuch and so true, who got her heart broke , for that love see shared, im looking for that one woman, who is so afraid to love again, becuse of the fear of getting her heart hurt, im looking for that woman, that was quit on, left behind , becuse someone wanted someone else, i looking for that woman, who is alone, and reading this , maybe crying inside becuse of the loss, and hurt, someone did to her, im looking, for the woman, who is having it hard , becuse she is fighting so hard to keep things going, im looking for the woman, who seeks, trust, im looking for the woman, who wants respect, im looking for the woman, who wants to be loved, for all the right reasons, not the roung ones, im looking for the woman, who has read, many, many, of these post but never answered one, im looking for the woman, who misses the family life, im looking for the woman, who puts her kids first, im looking for the woman, who still belives in happy ever after, im looking for that woman, who fights hard to build things, and works hard to see things grow, im looking for the woman, who never has to ask a man, for nothing, becuse a real man already knows what see needs from him, with out ever having to ask, him, well im a man, a real, good man, i have much love in my heart, no shame, for saying i love, well who ever reads this , please trust me for i understand love, and i have much pride in my heart, becuse i love, love is real, it is in us all, love is not a game, its not something to be played with, true, im looking for that woman, who gave everything, and got left with nothing, becuse she trusted the roung person, becuse she loved the roung person , yes i want to help you, and you help me, fill our voids in our lives, so that maybe you and i, will never have to search again, or wait, again, or hope, im looking for the woman, who has kids, or the woman who doesnt have kids, im looking for the woman, who wants a real , man, so maybe if you have read this far, your thinking is this post for real? yes, so here is what im looking to offer and give to you, my friendship, my trust, my respect, my word as a man i will never cheat on you for trusting me with your heart and love ! i will never say i love you and not mean it, i will never yell, at you , or fight with you, i will never disrespect, you, i will never lie to you, i will stand strong and be beside you, down the road of life, no matter how hard it is, or easy, and will not quit you, i will not give up on you, i will take how ever long it takes, to get the job done, i will never fail , me, you, or fail any promise, i make, i will buy flowers, i will give you gifts, of love, i will tell anyone and everyone, that no matter what anyone says i will belive in only your word, first, i will do all i can, to give us the best life, i will not steal, never have never will, what i want, no drugs, no bs, no lies, no fake i love you, no user or users of love, no quiters, no drama , no games, im looking for a woman, of value, a woman, of respect, and great worth, im looking for the woman, who belives in me, im clean, im in great, shape, im real, i have somuch good in me to give, to share, to offer, but i will tell you one thing i have never left a woman in my life, i have been, used, lied to, hurt, played, used for sex, used for money, cheated on, betrayed, on, i have been yelled at, quit on, left alone, i have paid much price for love, so yes men hurt women and women hurt men, i cant help that or change that, but ill i can do is offer what im about, who i am, what im willing to give and share, if you reply and we click, great, if not i will not tell you, or you tell me, we will stay friends, im not on here for sex, im on here becuse i belive the truth always get the truth, when you do mean it, please understand my word, i do belive you see were im coming from, im just me, and im saying good men, and women, still are out here looking for each other, im hear so please reply, send me a picture lets just talk, i have much more to share, take a chance, on me and maybe us, i will not let you down or make a fool out of you ever, i have way tomuch class and respect for women, i will read and reply to all, well this man has put his heart and truth out here for everyone to read and see, my email is open, my heart is open, and my love and friendship is open, this post contains nothing but the truth, so its important you only reply if your realy seeking, or wanting or looking for a real good man, thats free and clean, and real, and ready and waiting to find his soul mate for happy ever after, reply any time day or nite, this post will go to my phone, i give you much, respect and many thanks and hope to hear from you soon, just one man, looking for one woman, who has the other half of my biggest heart in texas, i do so hope your out there and reply back to me,,,,,thanks….

    Um, I think you’ve got a little comma splice there. Oh, and there. And there. And … oh, never mind.

    For the record, there’s only one period in this entire post (other than the four at the end). For those of you playing along at home, there’s 1,152 words in this post, and one period. Apostrophes? None. Commas? 242 of ’em.

    Vanessa sent this one in, saying, “This sounds like a script for Christopher Walken.”

    There were pictures with the post, but I’m going to take pity on the guy and not post them here. Why? Because deep down, I’m a softy. He sounds really sincere. I believe he’s looking for love — I just think the written word might not be … let’s see, how can I put this delicately? I don’t think it’s his strongest suit.

    If there was ever a post that qualified for both “Ow! My eyes!” and “punctuationally challenged,” this is definitely it.