YSaC, Vol. 281: Comma, comma, comma, comma, comma chameleon …

2009 April 24

ladys this post is for you! please read! what a real man has to say – 38


what im asking, is very , very, simple, my pictures are on here, so you see who i am, and im real, and my heart is real, my words are real, you see my pictures, yes , true, but a picture, can not tell you what im about. yes true, so please read my words, so you may understand,what this real man, is looking for, and asking , please here my words, feel them in your heart, for my love is real, my trust is real, my respect is real, my friendship is real,for i am real, what im looking for is you, the woman, who got used, im looking for the woman, who got played, im looking for the woman, who gave all her love, to someone and got no respect for it, im looking for the woman, who is so hurt for loving that someone, somuch and so true, who got her heart broke , for that love see shared, im looking for that one woman, who is so afraid to love again, becuse of the fear of getting her heart hurt, im looking for that woman, that was quit on, left behind , becuse someone wanted someone else, i looking for that woman, who is alone, and reading this , maybe crying inside becuse of the loss, and hurt, someone did to her, im looking, for the woman, who is having it hard , becuse she is fighting so hard to keep things going, im looking for the woman, who seeks, trust, im looking for the woman, who wants respect, im looking for the woman, who wants to be loved, for all the right reasons, not the roung ones, im looking for the woman, who has read, many, many, of these post but never answered one, im looking for the woman, who misses the family life, im looking for the woman, who puts her kids first, im looking for the woman, who still belives in happy ever after, im looking for that woman, who fights hard to build things, and works hard to see things grow, im looking for the woman, who never has to ask a man, for nothing, becuse a real man already knows what see needs from him, with out ever having to ask, him, well im a man, a real, good man, i have much love in my heart, no shame, for saying i love, well who ever reads this , please trust me for i understand love, and i have much pride in my heart, becuse i love, love is real, it is in us all, love is not a game, its not something to be played with, true, im looking for that woman, who gave everything, and got left with nothing, becuse she trusted the roung person, becuse she loved the roung person , yes i want to help you, and you help me, fill our voids in our lives, so that maybe you and i, will never have to search again, or wait, again, or hope, im looking for the woman, who has kids, or the woman who doesnt have kids, im looking for the woman, who wants a real , man, so maybe if you have read this far, your thinking is this post for real? yes, so here is what im looking to offer and give to you, my friendship, my trust, my respect, my word as a man i will never cheat on you for trusting me with your heart and love ! i will never say i love you and not mean it, i will never yell, at you , or fight with you, i will never disrespect, you, i will never lie to you, i will stand strong and be beside you, down the road of life, no matter how hard it is, or easy, and will not quit you, i will not give up on you, i will take how ever long it takes, to get the job done, i will never fail , me, you, or fail any promise, i make, i will buy flowers, i will give you gifts, of love, i will tell anyone and everyone, that no matter what anyone says i will belive in only your word, first, i will do all i can, to give us the best life, i will not steal, never have never will, what i want, no drugs, no bs, no lies, no fake i love you, no user or users of love, no quiters, no drama , no games, im looking for a woman, of value, a woman, of respect, and great worth, im looking for the woman, who belives in me, im clean, im in great, shape, im real, i have somuch good in me to give, to share, to offer, but i will tell you one thing i have never left a woman in my life, i have been, used, lied to, hurt, played, used for sex, used for money, cheated on, betrayed, on, i have been yelled at, quit on, left alone, i have paid much price for love, so yes men hurt women and women hurt men, i cant help that or change that, but ill i can do is offer what im about, who i am, what im willing to give and share, if you reply and we click, great, if not i will not tell you, or you tell me, we will stay friends, im not on here for sex, im on here becuse i belive the truth always get the truth, when you do mean it, please understand my word, i do belive you see were im coming from, im just me, and im saying good men, and women, still are out here looking for each other, im hear so please reply, send me a picture lets just talk, i have much more to share, take a chance, on me and maybe us, i will not let you down or make a fool out of you ever, i have way tomuch class and respect for women, i will read and reply to all, well this man has put his heart and truth out here for everyone to read and see, my email is open, my heart is open, and my love and friendship is open, this post contains nothing but the truth, so its important you only reply if your realy seeking, or wanting or looking for a real good man, thats free and clean, and real, and ready and waiting to find his soul mate for happy ever after, reply any time day or nite, this post will go to my phone, i give you much, respect and many thanks and hope to hear from you soon, just one man, looking for one woman, who has the other half of my biggest heart in texas, i do so hope your out there and reply back to me,,,,,thanks….

Um, I think you’ve got a little comma splice there. Oh, and there. And there. And … oh, never mind.

For the record, there’s only one period in this entire post (other than the four at the end). For those of you playing along at home, there’s 1,152 words in this post, and one period. Apostrophes? None. Commas? 242 of ’em.

Vanessa sent this one in, saying, “This sounds like a script for Christopher Walken.”

There were pictures with the post, but I’m going to take pity on the guy and not post them here. Why? Because deep down, I’m a softy. He sounds really sincere. I believe he’s looking for love — I just think the written word might not be … let’s see, how can I put this delicately? I don’t think it’s his strongest suit.

If there was ever a post that qualified for both “Ow! My eyes!” and “punctuationally challenged,” this is definitely it.

35 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 April 24
    Sam permalink

    There are a few periods in the end!

    Also, as much as I wish the best for this individual, this can’t possibly end well.

    After all….he is more or less saying he’s looking for anyone with a vagina.

    Adores: 1
  2. 2009 April 24
    Miki permalink

    I read the whole things, and I started getting flashbacks of when I was a kid in Sunday School. The repetition, the confusion, the punctuation problems, and the rambling all scream Old Testament to a deep and primal part of my memory.

    Adores: 3
  3. 2009 April 24
    specialkt permalink

    wonder what a “roung” women is

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 April 24
      specialkt permalink

      crap, woman

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 April 24

        My original guess was “young” in scooby-doo talk. But in context it looks like a massacre of the word “wrong.

        It’s even worse than misspelling “ladies”.

        I’ve met a ton of clowns like this. Guys that have a rough relationship or two, like everyone else on earth, and make themselves martyrs.

        Adores: 2
  4. 2009 April 24
    Jane permalink

    I’m a little “aww” about him too, but I’m nonetheless uneasy about the “I want somebody who’s been wrecked so I can feel like I’m saving you” undercurrent.

    Adores: 4
  5. 2009 April 24
    HappyNat permalink

    I was so used to the commas when I hit the question mark halfway through I fell off my chair.

    Adores: 14
  6. 2009 April 24
    SomeBlondeChick permalink

    Quote: but i will tell you one thing i have never left a woman in my life,

    Is this the dating equivalent of “I’ve never quit any of my jobs”?

    Creepy. At least it was only four sentences, so it was concise and quick reading.

    ~blink~

    Adores: 7
    • 2009 April 24
      Random Person permalink

      That caught my attention too. In other words, he’s only ever been dumped? There are right and wrong ways to break off a relationship, but he seems to think that breaking up is inherently wrong. But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes you realize it’s the wrong relationship and someone’s got to end it.

      Adores: 0
  7. 2009 April 24

    I noticed the one period immediately. It seemed so odd. At that point just give up on the commas altogether.

    There is a major difference in speaking and writing. This is a cool approach when done with almost every pastor and politician, but it doesn’t work in writing.

    I also thought it was really creepy that he seems determined to date emotionally-damaged women. I wonder if it’s to lower the bar. Like dating abused women so you can be a jerk and still go “well, i’m better than your last boyfriend, i dont beat the crap out of you”

    Lastly, as someone who abuses commas often, i feel a little better about myself right now.

    Adores: 1
  8. 2009 April 24
    blake permalink

    “good man, thats free and clean,”
    is there a word missing? free-spirited? free-thinking? Or is it “i’m not writing this from a prison computer”

    And i wonder what is clean. Credit, hygiene, diseases?

    Adores: 2
  9. 2009 April 24

    He sounds like the love child of William Faulkner and e.e. cummings.

    Adores: 5
  10. 2009 April 24

    he may be lookin for love, but im looking for a period, damn it. he may be mr. sensitive, but id like to see him read this in 1 breath. maybe on his date, the roung woman can meet him with “the elements of style?”

    Adores: 2
  11. 2009 April 24
    Colleen in MA permalink

    i will never yell, at you , or fight with you, i will never disrespect, you, i will never lie to you, i will stand strong and be beside you, down the road of life, no matter how hard it is, or easy, and will not quit you

    Get thee to a psychiatrist. Dating is not therapy.

    Adores: 1
  12. 2009 April 24
    Reggie permalink

    Actually, I found that imagining this in Christopher Walkens voice made it much more bearable and amusing.

    Adores: 2
  13. 2009 April 24
    A Women Hurt!!! permalink

    The written word isn’t his strong suit, you are roung about that! Belive me, this guy had me at “my heart is real”.

    Adores: 0
  14. 2009 April 24

    I’m fighting off the urge to do a dramatic reading of this, “How is babby formed” style.

    Also, and will not quit you, i will not give up on you, — did we not just get Rickrolled here?

    Adores: 4
  15. 2009 April 24
    Courtney permalink

    Never mind the complete absence of capital letters… I think Freud would tell us that shows a complete and utter lack of spine – or the ability to use the shift key (though the question mark kind of blows the latter theory out of the water).

    Adores: 0
  16. 2009 April 24

    anywoman that can get through that deserves him

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 April 25
      geeklygirly permalink

      Seriously… I had to stop after the first 8 lines or so. The YSAC overseer isn’t kidding about the “Ow! My eyes!” part…

      Adores: 0
  17. 2009 April 24
    Count Blah permalink

    Guys like this are creepy as hell. Their self-esteem is invariably so low that they can’t imagine someone liking them for legitimate reasons, so they seek out damaged women. Because, see, all you have to do with a chick like that is treat her adequately–you know, do all the minimum things that are expected in a monogamous relationship, like not lying or cheating–and then she’ll fall in love with you because you look good compared to the last guy. Right?

    Adores: 2
  18. 2009 April 25
    brashieel permalink

    but i will tell you one thing i have never left a woman in my life, i have been, used, lied to, hurt, played, used for sex, used for money, cheated on, betrayed, on, i have been yelled at, quit on, left alone, i have paid much price for love, so yes men hurt women and women hurt men…

    So, either a doormat or the passive aggressive type that refuses to ever actually be the one to end a relationship. Because there is no healthy reason for that statement to be true.

    This would be a creepy ad even if the punctuation didn’t make my eyes bleed.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 February 24
      Haeze permalink

      Or just someone trolling for a woman he can take advantage of, and be fairly sure she will still stick with him after he suggests she do something irreverent.

      Adores: 1
  19. 2009 April 25
    Giovonti permalink

    He said he wants the woman who has it hard. Why would she want him if she was already getting it hard? That is just roung. Did he just pass an std test? Those blood tests don’t show everything! So , that nasty case of the herp in his 20s…still there…those mystery bumps…still hiding somewhere. That siff and clap that he forgot to treat…so true, so still there and, you get the idea!!

    Adores: 0
  20. 2009 April 25
    El Kev permalink

    I think you all have it wrong. It’s not Christopher Walken. I believe it’s a shout out to William Shatner, due to the Star Trek movie coming out this summer. What gets me the most about it though, is not the Shatner-esque way of speaking. It’s the fact that he wants a woman that has kids, or doesn’t have kids. There’s also this little gem: “if you reply and we click, great, if not i will not tell you.”

    So if they don’t get along, he’s just going to deal with it.

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 April 26
      Rahm permalink

      I read right over that one, and had to go back and check — you’re right, of course. And I’d prided myself just a little on getting through the whole thing.
      In context, though, it seems a little like the second “not” could be an error, because he continues on with the bit about staying friends.

      Adores: 0
      • 2009 April 26
        drmk permalink

        I’d missed that too. I think Rahm is right … I think the second “not” is a mistake, because the next clause is “or you tell me”. It seems like it should be saying, “if you reply and we click, great, if not I will tell you, or you tell me, we will stay friends, …”

        Adores: 0
  21. 2009 April 26
    Mrphysic permalink

    That’s right ladies – one night with this guy and you’ll start missing your periods.

    Adores: 20
  22. 2009 August 25
    tigprincess permalink

    I started with a deep breath .. then gave up and thought “Fuck me sideways, what’s he on?” Then thinking about it, I’m sure the real solution is that he’s at that stage of drunkeness when your mouth and brain are totally disengaged and you “luv everyone seriously” … 3 seconds before collapsing onto the floor? (or is that just me?) How come I’ve missed him all my life?

    Adores: 0
  23. 2009 August 27

    Couldn’t force myself to read the whole thing. My eyes got all watery somewhere around the tenth line. I believe this guy has taken lessons from Carrot Ironfounderson and his, as Sam Vimes calls it, “ballistic punctuation”.

    Adores: 3
  24. 2009 September 9
    tonya permalink

    I think, what hes, looking for, is a woman, with low, self esteem, who will put, out, for anyone….

    Adores: 1
  25. 2009 September 23
    KPod permalink

    It’s Smoove B!!

    http://homepages.theonion.com/PersonalPages/sB/

    Adores: 0
  26. 2010 July 15
    Hm. permalink

    This gives me flashbacks to first year Modern English Lit class when we did Ulysses by James Joyce. The last chapter had, what, two periods? Ten at most.

    I mean, that had almost no breaks or pauses, where this is clearly a dude who is hesitant with no self-esteem looking to bring a girl home to his family so his siblings will stop calling him gay.

    This dude screams ‘future serial killer looking for emotionally vulnerable women to dismember/eat still beating hearts right from the chest’ to me. I imagine his notes to the press will be similarly long-winded and incoherent.

    Adores: 0
  27. 2010 August 5
    Wendy permalink

    I find the “used for sex” part very hard to believe. If he can’t find punctuation on a keyboard what makes one think he can find any part of female anatomy?

    Adores: 1

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