You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. 334: I don’t even wanna know.

    Smooth or Chunky – m4w – 25

    Looking for an attractive female to pose nude or partially nude for amateur art. I am not creepy. I will pay you in peanut butter.

    I know this is a euphemism for something, but I really, really don’t want to know what.

    What’s the current exchange rate for US $ to peanut butter? You mention both the smooth and chunky options in the headline — is the exchange rate different depending on whether the peanut butter is chunky or creamy? Reduced fat? Organic? What if the model has a horrible allergy to peanut butter — what alternate currency are you prepared to offer? The pinto bean market is way down these days, so no self-respecting model would work for that. Have you considered all that bananas have to offer as a currency? I mean, they come in bunches, so they’re easy to transport and count. And they come in their own convenient carrying case.

    Thank goodness he’s not creepy, though, because that would just be weird.

    Thanks (I think) for the submission, Ellen!

  • Multiple WOW weekend.

    This here little website had a pretty good weekend, and I’d like to share that with you for just a moment. (Don’t worry, today’s post is just below this one.)

    On Saturday, I noticed a lot of hits coming from Twitter. Imagine my surprise when I traced the hits back to this Twitter post, which came from none other than the author William Gibson. (If you don’t know who he is, go read Neuromancer and then come back. We’ll wait.)

    Yeah, I about fell over. William Gibson and his wife like You Suck at Craigslist! Whoo-hoo!

    So it got retweeted, and retweeted, and retweeted … and here was the result:

    stats

    That big spike at the end there? That’s Sunday. 15,487 page views. The site’s previous best was on Thursday June 11th (which happens to be my birthday, which made me happy!) with 9,346 page views. So Sunday just blew that away.

    I’m thrilled beyond belief. I’m thrilled that William Gibson and his wife like the site. I’m thrilled that so many other people like the site. I’m thrilled in general, because the reason the site is doing well is because of you.

    Yes, you.

    You read the site. Maybe you submit listings to the site. Maybe you comment on entries. Maybe you tell your friends about the site and get them involved. The reason this site is doing well is because of you, dear readers, and for that I thank you. Please continue to read, submit, comment, and tell, and I will continue to be humbled and amazed. And thrilled.

    And now … our regularly scheduled post occurs directly below this one. Thank you. Have a sammich.

  • YSaC, Vol. 333: Database fail, parts 2 and 3.

    Get me hot and satisfied – w4m

    I’LL BE AT HOME ALONE TONIGHT AND WANT TO MEET YOU! I AM A VERY ATTRACTIVE YO LOOKING FOR SOME FUN. PLEASE, BE AT LEAST . MY YAHOO ID IS HZEYES.

    I love when Craigslist spam bots go horribly, hilariously wrong. Like this:

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 332: … in the octopus’s garden, on her leg …

    realscumbag rontatooman – $160

    im writing about aman ron who lives at 172lampman ave he took my money and left my tatoo undone on my back right leg my son had a tatoo don saturday he had to go to the hospital because he got a bad staph infection from it the docter had to put him on antibotic pill and a antibotic cream all so this man is a real scumbag and areal asshole to take advantage of a woman who lives on a fixed income if some one could call me at xxx xxx xxxx an make arrangemts to com tomy houseand finish it forme iwould liketo get acall all i have is theout lineof the octoupuss head and the tresserchest and astar fish inthe front he was goingto make it look like it was a underwater ocean seen i have the dolphin onthe in side of the rightleg and on theouterside there is a seen with asunset water palmtrees and ocean water and two dolphins one jumping over the other one i just need the octoupuss finished and all the tentekils puton colored with megenta and pink colors and the treasurechestdon and the scubadiver putonn so maby someone will call me but i would not recomend no to go to 172lampman ave and have eney work don by ron

    Ow. My brain hurts. Octoupuss? Tentekils? What is with the random lack of spaces between some words [theouterside], extra spaces within things that should be words [all so], and random spaces WITHIN words [theout lineof]?

    How many right legs does she have? Doesn’t saying you have a back right leg sort of imply that there’s a front right leg as well?

    And here’s a thought: Call me crazy, but maybe if you’re on a fixed income, you and your son shouldn’t be getting elaborate tattoos?

    [Edited to add: with spizzlefish’s prompting in the comments below, I realized that “rontatooman” anagrams to “or an ottoman“. Yes, I’m easily amused, why do you ask?]

    DW, thanks for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 331: A woman’s work is never done …

    secertary with photo shop expert

    WERE ARE LOOKING FOR A GIRL THAT KNOWS ABOUT PHOTO SHOP -AND TAKING PICS AND MAKING CATALOGS .
    PLEASE CONTACT ALLEN AT alen@xxxxxxxxxxxx.com

    A … secertary. That knows about photography, photoshop, and making catalogs. Maybe I’m crazy, but that sounds like a graphic designer to me. Or a photographer.

    And of course it has to be a girl, because secretaries are always girls.

    Sigh … so much to snark at. All caps, poor spelling, and misogyny. It was really hard for me not to leave the company name in the email. I would like to point out, though, that it looks like Allen spelled his name wrong in the email. I hope those female photoshop experts were able to figure that one out.

    This reminds me of one of my bosses from a while back; he actually uttered the phrase, “How did you learn so much about computers when you’re just a girl?” In my head, I translated that to, “Thanks for fixing my computer again.” It was the only way I could stop myself from kicking him in the shins with my shiny Mary Janes.

    [Thanks to Caryn for the submission!]

  • YSaC, Vol. 330: It’s the new French Prudential.

    Now that I’ve noticed this one, it’s everywhere — it’s as bad as dinning or French Prudential!

    Aligator Chair with Autimn – $600

    This chair and autimin is beautiful. It is tan aligator skin with felt backing. I paid 7000 for it approximatley 4 years ago. It was only used in the guest bedroom. This will be a great deal for someone.
    xxx-xxx-xxxx

    couch and chair,automon – $225

    black 7′ couch and oversized chair w/aoutmon.super soft large and great color $225.00 or best offer call xxx-xxxx pic

    Modern couch/chase lounge/huge autiman – $2300

    Paid $3,200.00 brand new, must sell b/c we can’t fit it into our new house. It is in mint condition, only had it for 3 months. I can be contacted at the following……
    (xxx) xxx-xxxx

    I could go on and on. It seems that any misspelling of ottoman you can think of, someone has already thought of and has posted it on Craigslist.