You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. 306: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    I have no problem with fetishes in general. Sometimes people send me perfectly well-written listings for fetishes like spanking or bondage or S/M — I don’t post these, because as far as I’m concerned, whatever two consenting adults want to do in the privacy of their own home is fine by me.

    These entries deal with a particular fetish that might strike some as odd, but a search reveals that this is a pretty common request on Craigslist. I’m not posting them because I think the fetish is weird; I’m posting them because they’re textbook examples of how not to post fetish requests. Carry on.

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  • YSaC, Vol. 305: The heartwarming story of a woman, her kayak, and central air.

    Martha is a regular and long-time contributor to YSaC (she has her own tag!), and she sent in this account of her real-life adventures on Craigslist:

    So I’m actually trying to barter my ridiculously expensive kayak for central air.  Here’s the ad I found…

    BARTER ****You need a CENTRAL A/C or FURNACE ? (Rosemount , Farmington, Hampton)

    ********BARTER HVAC SKILLS for cash **********Or ?

    Heating , Venting , Air Conditioning

    Central Air —- 13 seer 2 ton Central Air Unit $775.00

    A-Coils as low as $195.00

    Furnaces — 80% 70,000 Btu $578.00 FREE DELIVERY , FREE DISPOSAL with install Ready to ——– ” GET ER DONE ” ——- CALL xxx-xxx-8082

    So I email the guy, and here’s the ensuing email trail:

    Hi,

    I have this ad out on Craigslist (http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/bar/xxxxxxxxxx.html) and am interested in bartering for C/A installed on my (small) home.  All ductwork is in place, all that would be needed is a slab and unit.

    Please let me know if you are interested, it seems like it would be a fair trade.

    Thanks,
    Martha

    — On Mon, 4/27/09, CentralAirAsshat@juno.com  wrote:
    From: CentralAirAsshat@juno.com
    Subject: Central Air Our Reply ! !
    To: xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
    Date: Monday, April 27, 2009, 4:15 PM

    Barter my CENTRAL AIR SKILLS for CASH.
    Really have no need for a KAYAK.
    When you sell your KAYAK then email.
    Your Phone Number and City you live in.
    So we can get your CENTRAL AIR installed.
    Looking forward to serving you.

    Thanks

    From: “Martha F”
    To: “CentralAirAsshat@juno.com”

    You do know that BARTERING means for goods, not cash, right?  You should really remove your ad from the barter section, since you are really just advertising your services for CASH ONLY (which is selling).

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/barter

    Looking forward to not doing business with you.

    Martha says, “I really had to hold myself back from calling him a moron.  And I never heard back from him, but this jackhole is still posting the same ads.  Apparently he didn’t check the dictionary link.”

    Thanks, Martha! I hope you get your kayak bartered AND your central air installed.

  • YSaC, Vol. 304: Oooh, I’m deail-oieed! Pick me!

    Another listing from kajiji.com:

    Development Internship

    Job Title: Development Internship
    Job Code: 62707
    Location: Beverly Hills, CA

    Job Description: Awad Wiig Poducio Compay seeks ceaive ad moivaed developme ies, wih good compue skills ad kowledge of PHOTOSHOP, EXCEL,WORD, ad WEB DESiGN. Cadidaes mus be deail-oieed, ad skilled a efficie muliaskig. Mus have a ca ad good phoe maes. Ie mus be self-moivaed wih good ceaive juice ad good disposiio. Mus have a ca, 4-5 hous a day 3 imes a week, we will wok aoud you school schedule. Wa o lea moe abou he ceaive pocess of he TV/FILM Idusy ad ge a lo of oe o oe aeio? Souds like fu?The e-mail a sho message abou youself, you school, you coac ifo, ad aach a esumeResposibiliies iclude assisig wih geeal office duies, help maiai ad impleme ew ideas fo ou websie. Wie coveage, email ad pos o websie, ad blog sie. All of hese duies deal wih coe, compleed episodes , wokig o a movie almos fom scach. Please ell Globalkid Vid & Film Facoy ha you foud he lisig a Coac: PLEASE NO PHONE CALLS VIA- EMAIL IS PREFFERED. Via email: melaie@xxxxxxx.comThis employe will accep you esume as ex i body of emailThis employe will accep you esume as a aachme &bsp; Please ell Globalkid Vid & Film Facoy ha you foud he lisig a View all he lisigs fomGlobalkid Vid & Film Facoy Pie Fiedly VesioEmail his o a fied

    Elle sends this one in, saying, “I would think that the “n,” “t,” and “r” keys weren’t working, except the title and one sentence toward the end are spelled perfectly. Maybe this is part of the interview process – you must be proficient at deciphering ridiculous web-speak?”

    Well, not exactly perfectly, since they misspelled preferred (I know, I’m a pedant) … but it does seem as though the capital letters work (note the T in PHOTOSHOP, the R in WORD, and the N in DESiGN, and elsewhere). How very odd. Souds like fu, indeed. I’ve heard of disemvoweling, but this is ridiculous.

    I was eally emped o wie a log paagaph ad delee he same lees ha wee missig i he pos, jus o make you deciphe he ex some moe, bu I would eve do ha o you lovely people. Uless you sed i moe submissios, of couse!

  • YSaC, Vol. 303: The sofas go marching two by two …

    2 piece Sofa(Good Condition – $45)

    Good price and good condition.
    (Each price $45)
    Please, email me.(pick up &cash only)

    303

    Amy sends this one in, saying, ” ‘Round these parts, we call it ‘chairs’.”

    So wait a minute … it’s $45 for the 2-piece sofa, or $45 each? Man, I can’t decide which is a better deal.

  • YSaC, Vol. 302: Well, that’s disturbing.

    spencer mason – w4m – 20

    hey spencer.. if you’re reading this… just wanted to say hello… and stuff and yeah we moved to santa clara from san jose.. everythings cool here…finish your studies and get the fuck back into the states. cuz i miss jerking you off in the woods..or at crazy places… hope you read this…write back..
    lots of love…
    mom and son

    i’m attaching a pic of buddy.. he’s at 50 lbs. now

    302

    It’s just a typical love letter, right? You know, the usual — hello, stuff, we moved, I miss jerking you off, write back, love … and then you get to the signature.

    Now, as Charlene points out, it’s probably a nickname for his girlfriend and their pet, “Buddy”, but STILL. I don’t know about the rest of you, but if a letter contains the phrase “jerking you off in the woods,” I personally wouldn’t want the word “Mom” being used anywhere near that.

  • YSaC, Vol. 301: Maiesiophiliasshat

    Young and pregnant? – m4w – 32

    Did the baby’s father leave you? Do you have no where to turn? About to be kicked out of your home?

    I’m looking for a pregnant girl to take care of. I want to date you during the term of your pregnancy. Come live with me and I’ll take care of you and make sure that all your needs are met. You won’t have to work or worry about anything! After the baby is born, I’ll set you up to get a decent start in life.

    Remember, this is under romantic relationship, which is what I want .I’m serious, hope you are as well.
    Tell me about your circumstances: age, how far along you are, etc.

    Translation: I have a fetish for young pregnant girls because they have already exhibited poor judgment and have nobody around to tell them that this is a spectacularly bad idea.

    *shudder*

    Megan sent this one in — thanks!